Shania Twain

The number one question asked at the Billboard Music Awards tonight was, "Why does it smell like a spoiled chunk of gouda marinating in a dirty diaper on top of a subway platform in the middle of August?" And that's because Ke$hit showed up with her ass hanging out.

The Garbage Pail Kids' favorite pin-up ho actually looks like she was just deflead at the groomers. Yes, that skin-colored lipstick gave her abortion face and her ass cheeks are hanging out (which is a health department violation, I'm sure), but she actually looks clean-ish her. Bitch looks like a male Russian gymnast on estrogen going to a funeral and that IS the look.

And here's some other tricks and tramps at the Billboard Music Awards tonight. In order after Ke$hit: Hell's favorite couple, Hell's second favorite couple, a broke down Harley Quinn, a block of Top Ramen at the ho shit prom, Psy, Justin Bieber's former au pair (wearing a dress accessorized with glow sticks and bendy rubber rollers), Shania Twain, Taylor Swift, an Amish robot and something called a Z LaLa. 

At last night's CMT Awards in Nashville, Shania Twain was inducted into the Bitch Goes Down Hall of Fame with the likes of Beyonce, Joe Jonas, Michelle Williams, Lady CaCa, Scarlet, JLo and Mimi when her feet failed her and her knees paid the price ("I feel your pain." - my knees to Shania's knees). Detective La Toya better get on this case and see if Shania's former best friend/life ruiner has an alibi.

Shania got her shit back up, laughed about it and later recorded a video response to her fall where she said: "I just made a complete fool of myself and experienced one of life's most embarrassing moments. I don't need a stunt double. I didn't hurt myself. I have a bit of a sore thumb -- that's it. I'm gonna auction off those shoes. I'm gonna get rid of them as soon as I can. I never want to see those shoes again!"

Just like "losing a game of Russian Roulette to a dog while fucked up on moonshine" (that story, ugh), falling happens to the best of us. Shania handled it with grace and I'm sure when she says she's going to auction those shoes she really means she's going to donate them to professional stilt walker Suri Cruise who would never let a pair of sky high heels bitch slap her like that.

Here's more of Shania pre and post fall with her fiance Frédéric Thiébaud and Selena Gomez's scissor partner.

When Shania Twain's husband Mutt Lange quit her ass for his mistress whore in 2008, she got revenge by fucking on his mistress whore's ex-husband Frederic Thiebaud. That DOES impress me much! That shit is seriously a Lifetime movie starring Melissa Joan Hart itching to happen. Eventually, Shania's revenge fuck with Frederic blossomed into true love and TMZ has a picture of the two giving the ultimate F U to Mutt Lange by getting married in Rincon, Puerto Rico on New Year's Day.

You know, I'm happy that Shania picked a winner at the wedding ring swap party (aka the key party for masochists), but this marriage already looks all kinds of DOOMED! I mean, Shania's groom showed up ready get down under the disco ball of love and she didn't.

Maybe Shania had a mid-ceremony costume change and twirled into a red disco dress later, but it's still not looking good. That's like a point to the stars WITHOUT a hip pop. Leaving her new husband hanging and shit.