Brawls

This is not one of my home movies, but I wish it was. This is a video of two gays in a slappity slap brawl that has been making the rounds for a couple of weeks. My ass only viewed this fuckery yesterday (Thanks, Hex!). There's already remixes, so you know what to play at the bar this weekend.

This shit is entirely in Spanish, but cat fighting is an international language! If you can only watch a few seconds of this, skip to the 1:40 mark. Bitch gets checked! It's the grand finale. Seriously, they both should have taken a bow at the end of this.

The Asuuuu Madreeee Gays and The Why Do You Ride Drunks from Ireland should take their acts on the road together.

Danielle Lloyd, who is sort-of famous in Britain for peddling her titty balls in magazines and for being a racist cunt on Celebrity Big Brother, landed in the hospital last night after two bitches at a club threw her ass onto a glass table. Evil lives in my heart so I am allowed to laugh.

Danielle is no stranger to drunken bar fights, so this sounds like a regular day at the office for her. The Sun says that Danielle and her boyfriend, footballer Jamie O'Hara, were at some club at 2am when she got into a serious cunt battle royale with 2 girls. A witness says that while one of the girls was dancing, she accidentally kicked Danielle. Words were exchanged, punches were thrown, hairs were pulled and it all ended with Danielle lying in a rubble of broken glass. Some witnesses say the two bitches worked together as a team and hurled Danielle through the air. But other say that Danielle fell backwards onto the table. Why am I picturing a crowd of drunks cheering in slow motion?

Danielle stumbled into the street and screamed about the owie on her leg before an ambulance arrived to take her to the hospital. Danielle's spokeswhore said she suffered major cuts to her leg and back. Danielle needed emergency plastic surgery. Yeah, Danielle decided to get bigger chichis to distract from the huge cut on her leg. While they had her on the table, they should've sewn her mouth shut too.

Scotland Yard said they will investigate the incident as soon as they start giving a fuck.

And Danielle is a real pro! Homegirl still manages to smile for the cameras even though she's bleeding to death on the sidewalk. A famewhore's work is never done!

Mega manwhore Gerard Butler whooped a pap in the mouth and now he's being charged for it. Last October, Gerry was leaving the premiere party for his movie RockNRolla when a pap got in his face. Gerry handled the situation by fisting the dude in the mouth three or four times (I know you just came). TMZ has a picture of the pap's face after getting a dose of Gerry. Not bad. Just looks like something found on Lisa Rinna's crotch.

The L.A. City Attorney's office filed a criminal charge against him yesterday. Gerry's sexy ass has to slither into court on June 10th. If convicted, he could get up to 6 months in the chokey.

Gerry in jail?! Gerry in tight quarters with a bunch of sweaty menses?! 24/7 webcam series alert! For serious! This needs to be documented. Thousands of genitals are depending on it!

If Gerry goes to jail, the crime rate is going to hit the sky! Whores are going to do whatever it takes to get thrown into the clink just so they can accidentally drop the soap on Gerry's peen. And by "soap" I mean "ass."

El Pollo Loco has greased up its face and taken off all its joo-rees (as DeShawn Snow says), because it's ready to bust it down on KFC! The other day, Earth Mother Oprah gave out a coupon for a free grilled chicken (vom, wipe and vom again) lunch at KFC, but that shit was only good until midnight. It also caused utter chaos, because a few KFCs either ran out of chicken or refused to honor the coupon. Sit-ins were staged, blood was shed and chickens cried. It wasn't a beautiful sight.

So El Pollo Loco is fighting back by saying they came up with the idea first and they are going to do it again this Mother's Day. On Sunday, El Pollo Loco will honor all KFC coupons. They will give you a 2-piece citrus-marinated grilled chicken meal. Even if you aren't a mother.

Damn, mothercluckers! It's about to get ugly, because I know KFC isn't going to stand for this. Chicken Cutlets, get your round cards ready, because there's about to be a rumble! And where's Popeyes in all of this? I think they know it's best to keep their beak shut! Because if they offered some free shit, I'd be down there, shanking hos in order to get a piece.

And thank you, El Pollo Loco! Now I know what to get my mommy for Mama Je'e's Day!

VIA TMZ

Kiefer Sutherland skipped down to the 1st Precinct in Manhattan today to shoot the shit, have a cup of coffee with the cops, tell a few jokes and then get charged for headbutting a ho. In case you have no idea what I'm babbling about, let me give it to you quick. A few nights ago, Kief brought his head down on Jack McCullough's nose at a bar in NYC. Apparently, Kief thought Jack bumped into Brooke Shields, so he was defending her honor or some shit. Brooke denies that Jack harmed her.

E! says that Kief was charged with one count of misdemeanor assault and will have to come back to NYC in about a month to face a judge. If he's found guilty, Kief could get up to a year in the chokey and a $1,000 fine.

Kief is currently on probation over in Los Angeles and the LAPD said they are investigating as to whether or not he effed that shit up. If he did, he could get 10 months in the clink on top of the 7 weeks he already served for violating his probation.

Kief should really use the Christmas tree defense. It will work! The judge will understand, because every knows Christmas trees are evil. Everyone also knows that Kief is batshit crazy. But if everything doesn't go Kief's way, the bitch will be making grilled cheese on a prison radiator for a while.

In the meantime, if Kief wants to rock the booze bottle until the break of dawn, he should probably stay home and do that shit. It will be better for everyone. Boozin' out in public doesn't really agree with him.

The answer to yesterday's question, "Why in Vanessa Lutz Hell would anybody fight over Brooke Shields?", has been answered. Sort of. Kind of. Okay, not really. Anyway, two nights ago in NYC, Kiefer Sutherland headbutted Jack McCullough of Proenza Schouler over Brooke Shields. TMZ says it was because Jack bumped into Brooke and didn't apologize.

Police say when Jack knocked Brooke over, Quiefer jumped to her rescue, because that's how he do. He demanded that Jack apologize to Brooke. The two had a few words which escalated into Jack pushing Queefy. Queef responded the only way he knows how, he headbutted that trick. Jack was rushed off to the hospital to get his purdy nose fixed and a police report was taken. This might be a problem for Kiefer since he's on probation in Los Angeles for a DUI.

But wait! The plot thins! Kiefer's damsel in distress, Brooke Shields, has no idea what he's blabbering about. Brooke says Jack did nothing to her and she has no idea why Kiefer gave it to him Jack Bauer-style. Her spokeswhore said, "Jack did nothing inappropriate. It's not clear what caused Kiefer to do what he did."

That's ice ice cold. Brooke and Kiefer made beautiful magic together (the masterpiece that is Freeway) and she acts like she doesn't even know who he is?! Brooke better wear a helmet at all times, because Kiefer is watching and waiting. His forehead has her head's name written all over it. He's ready to headbutt that bitch at any time for doing him wrong like this.

And since Brooke denies any involvement in this, I'm sticking to my Christmas tree theory.

I'm just going to give it to you straight, because that's what Jack Bauer would want. Kiefer Sutherland straight-up head butted Jack McCullough at SubMercer bar in NYC last night after the MET gala. Jack had to go to the hospital and wasn't released until later today. Jack is one half of the design duo Proenza Schouler.

So why would Kiefer bring down his mighty head upon Jack's nose?! Guest of a Guest says Kiefer was upset over Brooke Shields. YES, they fought over Brooke Shields. Booze, crack, heroin and massive amounts of delusion had to have been involved, because who fights over Brooke Shields anymore? Andre DeShields, ok. Brooke Langton, maybe. But Brooke Shields?!

Kiefer has a girlfriend. Brooke is married. Jack is gay. How did this happen?! My imagination can't even travel to a possible reason for this, but I'll try.....

Maybe the entire bar Kiefer consumed triggered an acid flashback which caused him to see Jack as that damn Christmas tree! You know, the one that's always fucking with him. Kiefer thought it was back for more and he wasn't about to let it get the last laugh, so he headbutted the bitch! Let's relive the memories:

That's really the only reasonable explanation for this, right? A taunting Christmas tree is Kiefer's worst enemy.

Stories like this really makes me hurt for my slut people. Listen to this tragic story: 52-year-old Jo Ellen Nolan recently lost her job, so in order to pay her bills, she took a job peddling her saggy nalgas at Club 1245 in Akron, Ohio. Ole' girl was all ready to make a few bucks so she could take her ass home to a warm compress and a cup of Benefiber, when some trick ass stripper started sassing her!

Jo Ellen said the skank was on her ass, because she didn't want another ho getting in the way of her money. The argument led to the skank beating Jo Ellen with a stiletto! Jo Ellen was taken to the nearest hospital and treated for wounds to her head. Sadly, that was her last day as a titty merchant. She said, "I've learned my lesson. I think I was just being stupid anyway. I just have to go to a temporary service or keep looking for a job. That was just an easy way out and it turned out to be H-E-double-L."

Police are trying to find the other stripper. The only lead they have is that she goes by the name of "Beautiful." With a stripper name like that, she's probably the ugliest bitch in Akron.

Why can't all us whores stick together as one? When another bitch needs you to hold her hair while she's sucking cock in the back room of a club, you do that for her. When she has a tampon string hanging out of her cooch and she's about to shake her shit for a group of creepy ass men, you point that shit out! Times are tough, but you should always help a fellow whore out! Sluts unite!

Source: Fox 8 (Thanks Mia)

A couple of days ago, I posted some shit about how when Rubina Ali's mother found out her ex was trying to sell their daughter on the auction block, she took her ass down there to beat some ass. Well, here's the video of Rubina's mother and stepmother rumbling in Mumbai. Damn. These ladies don't play. Jai "choke that" Ho!

I just wish that after the brawl, they jumped into the Fox News studio and delivered a double beat down on that dumb bitch Megyn Kelly.

Tim Gunn can unplug his ears now, because the bitch fight between The Weinstein Company and NBC over Project Runway has come to an end. They were all tangled up in the courts for months after Harvey Weinstein took Bravo's prized dildo over to Lifetime. Both motherfuckers have put their dicks back in their pants. NBC issued this statement:

NBC Universal, The Weinstein Company and Lifetime have resolved their disputes. The Weinstein Company will pay NBCU for the right to move Project Runway to Lifetime. All of the parties are pleased with the outcome. Harvey Weinstein added, "I want to personally congratulate Jeff Zucker and NBCU on their success in the litigation and thank Jeff for resolving this in a professional manner. We look forward to working together on our ongoing projects."

This is what NBC wanted all along. They just wanted Harvey to shower cash all over them. I think they were stalling, so their soup kitchen version of Project Runway called The Fashion House could premiere first. The Fashion House premieres next month on Bravo and it sounds like it's beyond bootleg. Example? Isaac Mizrahi and Kelly Rowland are the host and judges. Yes, Beyonce's former wig holder. THAT Kelly Rowland. They really scraped the crud from the bottom of the barrel and slapped it on a piece of moldy outlet bread.

And I have a very important question? Who owns the rights to Kenley Collins? Bravo or The Weinstein Company? Because I'm really going to need one of those shows to recreate Kenley's pussy and apple throwing incident through fashion.