Brawls

Ladies and whores, in one corner we have Florence "Grouchy Granny Panties" Henderson and in the other we have Cloris "Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time" Leachman! Actually, add a few more hating bitches to Florence's corner. It seems that everyone is getting sick of Cloris' crazy memaw shtick on DWTS.

Mrs. Brady told Life & Style (via LA Times) that 82-year-old Cloris is an embarrassment to memaws. She said, "I hope the audience doesn’t think all older people act like her. I love Cloris, but sometimes she acts like she’s not all there, or she’s wandering around the ballroom acting silly."

Florence needs to add a little rum to her Ovaltine. It might lighten her up a bit. Cloris acts like she's not all there, because she's not! She's always on Planet I Don't Give A Fuck and that makes for some good entertainment!

Florence isn't alone. The Chicago Sun-Times reports that a bunch of whores working on the show want Cloris to beat it. A source said that Susan Lucci and robot Samantha Harris are both sick of better dancers being sent to the glue factory instead of Cloris.

The source said, ''We thought it would be fun to have Cloris on ... and expected her to maybe make it through one or two weeks. But now it's gone from people being amused -- similar to the way it was with Jerry Springer -- to being downright concerned."

Stick your dick in a blender and press pulse. The show is not that serious! It's a stupid reality show featuring has-beens and never-was-es! They aren't working on a respectable reality show like "Rock of Love." They are all just jealous, because Cloris is the star!

That said, they need to settle this on the finale with a.....CAGE FIGHT! Cloris versus all of those ugly ass complainers! She'll mop the floor with all of them! Of course, she'll save CHERYL BURKE for last, because her MOP HEAD will get those tough to reach spots.

A while ago, Aretha Franklin must have not reached her daily 10,000 calorie intake, because she made a grouchy statement about Tina Turner. While performing at the Grammys, Beyonce introduced Tina as "The Queen." Aretha released some statement saying she was offended by this, because she's always been known as the "Queen of Soul."

It took a little while for Tina to respond, but she finally did:

“Aretha has always been like that. We’ve always accepted that from her. She’s the queen of soul, and I’m the queen of rock ‘n’ roll. There were so many kings and queens there that night. Her ego must be so big to think she was the only one. That’s how queens are!”

Well, if her ego is in a third of the size of one of her chichis then it's pretty big.

Aretha put down the bowl of cake batter, moved her extra roly poly chin out of the way and responded to Tina's response to USA Today. Everybody move out of the way!

"I have always appreciated what Tina Turner has to offer and had quietly cheered her on after Ike and her subsequent success. However, with respect to her statement concerning my ego clearly she was talking about herself as she described herself as the 'Queen of Rock' and saying 'that's what Queens do' — particularly since she does not have a clue as to who I am in view of the fact that we have never met.

I never figured her to resort to tacky press just to sell a few tickets. I understand and I know that the concert market is down where ticket sales are concerned. I really had put her in a different class — higher than that.

Finally, no one has been more gracious or complimentary to their peers than I have and I am confident and secure enough to do so, unlike some others. I wish Ms. Turner all the best, as I always have. Perhaps one day we will meet."

I hope Tina can run fast, because Aretha is coming for her. It would only take one blow from Aretha's chichi mounds to lay Tina out. I'm sorry, but I'm Team Mega Chichis. You do not make Aretha angry. She could make you disappear faster than Houdini. I mean, all she has to do is sit and POOF! You're gone!

Bianca Golden has already told her side of the twig vs. fat airport fight in the Turks and Caicos on July 30th. Bianca told Ty Ty Banks that Tracy Turnblad kicked her mommy in the vagina. Nikki Blonsky tells People that her foot never touched that lady's cooze.

Nikki's version of the story is the opposite of Bianca's, of course. Nikki claims Bianca's family got all angry and shit because people were saving seats. Nikki went on to say that it turned physical when she asked Bianca not to point her finger in her face. Nikki said, "That's when she stood up, pulled her arm all the way back and said, 'Fuck you, you white bitch.' And she closed her fist and punched me."

Conveniently, Nikki didn't mention the little part about her daddy allegedly punching Bianca's mom in the face.

Bianca has already responded to Nikki's side of the story. She tells Inside Edition, "I witnessed Nikki Blonsky take her foot and kick my mom in her lower abdomen."

Why don't we just ask Bianca's mommy's chocha. The chocha cannot tell a lie. I'm not sure if I believe that Tracy Turnblad kicked anybody in the snatch. Now if you told me Nikki poured horsey sauce on the vagina and then gobbled it one bite, I'd believe you.

ANTM loser Bianca Golden is telling her side of the airport brawl she had with Nikki Blonsky and her family at an airport in the Caribbean. On an October 8th episode of "The It's All About Ty Ty Banks Show," Bianca tells Ty Ty Banks that Nikki poured some bbq sauce on her and then tried to swallow her whole. No. Bianca said that Nikki's father punched her mother and then Nikki kicked her mother in the pussy bone. WTF? Were the Blonskys raised by The Hogans?!

Bianca says she was in the Turks and Caicos with her family to visit her dying pepaw. While they were waiting for their flight, she said Nikki started acting all bitchy to her aunt. The two started arguing which led to both families yelling at each other. Bianca's mother stepped in to control the fight and that's when Nikki's father got crazy.

Bianca went on to say: "Before my mom could walk away from us, her father ... punched my mom. He knocked her out. He hit my mom with such force she stumbled back, and when she stumbled back, the whole family got up and attacked my mom." Bianca's mother fell to the ground and then Nikki "takes her foot and kicks my mom in her vagina, and that's when my mom fell out completely."

"When Nikki kicked my mom I went and grabbed her arm and she grabbed my earring. Her mom sat on her to get her off of me cause her mom saw what was happening and that was that."

Wait. Nikki's mom sat on her?! How big is her mother?! Damn. That probably looked like two rolly pollies cuddling.

During the entire fight, Bianca said Nikki's family kept screaming racial slurs at them. "Her father and mother started saying, ‘They got rabies, they got rabies!'"

Bianca's mother was airlifted to the hospital. Bianca says she's doing better thanks to therapy and she's able to walk now. Nikki and her dad are due in court on December 1st to face charges for assault.

There's three sides to this story: Bianca's side, Nikki's side and the lady in the video below's side. This is the woman Ty Ty should be talking to! "This young lady here in the green shirt she done decked a girl out - Tracy Turnblad. Poor girl over there devastated. She ain't dancing around today." That line never gets old.

O.J. Simpson's girlfriend, Christine Prody, has been through a lot of effed up shit this year. Earlier this year, she was hospitalized for busting up her head after falling at a gas station. A few months later her head and arms went through the windshield of her car during a bad accident. And now comes this shit. The National Enquirer reports that Christine and O.J got their asses kicked by his 39-year-old daughter on August 24th.

Cops were called to his home after his daughter, Arnelle, attacked the both of them. Arnelle beat the juice out of him because he's not paying support to her mother, Marguerite. Marguerite is working at Walmart to pay the bills.

The fight ended with Arnelle pushing his fugly ass into a glass cupboard. A source said, "O.J. hit the cupboard hard and the glass shattered all over him. He fell to the floor, bleeding." Wait, did Arnelle recently visit Kelly Osbourne? Anyway, Arnelle panicked and called 911 but quickly hung up. 911 operators still traced the call and sent police.

A police report was filed, but O.J. refused to press charges. The article didn't say how badly Christine was injured. With her luck, she probably has a fucking broken neck and a bruised bagina.

Christine needs to wake up and NOT smell the O.J. He is a bad luck charm. Since she's been with him, she's suffered a busted head, broken legs and who knows what else. It's time for her to put her fake chichis on the next Greyhound bus. Destination: SAFETY! Her eyebrows are too beautiful to be living with all that drama.

Faith Evans, the widow of Biggie Smalls, has an autobiography coming out this Friday and in it she talks about how she used to deal with being cheated on over and over again. Instead of taking revenge out on Biggie by maxing out his credit cards and emptying his checking accounts, Faith handled it the old-fashioned way. She writes, "I thought maybe kicking some ass would get the word out that chicks better think twice before messing with my husband."

Faith would even go so far as to get on a plane just to beat the skank out of a bitch. She writes that she once caught the red-eye to Virginia and found a girl in his hotel room. "I jumped on top of her and started beating her ass . . . 'Yo, Ma you need to chill!' Big said, 'I didn't even fuck her!' I mashed her in the face and then kicked her. 'Yeah, well, you should have,' I said." Well, I guess that's one way of handling the situation. I probably would have ordered room service and watched pay-per-view, but that's just me.

She sometimes didn't even bother doing her research! When she found a picture and phone number of some ho in Biggie's car, she found out where the chick lived, showed up and delivered "a brief but thorough beat-down."

Faith's legendary beat downs weren't solely for no-name sluts either. In her book, she writes about how she broke into Biggie's apartment, found him in bed with some bitch and then proceeded to fuck her up. The bitch turned out to be Lil' Kim. "I grabbed some chick out of the bed and started beating her ass. At some point, the chick's wig came off in my hand: It was a short, cropped wig. I stopped throwing punches for a minute to get a good look at the chick I was beating up. It Lil' Kim. She was completely butt-naked, yelling as I pushed her around the room. 'So you're not fucking her, right?' I screamed at Big. 'Yeah, you not messing with her anymore right?'"

Fuck! Think of all the time and energy Faith spent on beating bitches asses. She didn't even have to work out back then, because she burned calories from whipping whores. And you know Biggie loved that shit. He probably sat back and imagined them in bikinis.

I'm too lazy for that shit. Why bother exerting yourself on some stupid skank when you can just sneak Nair into her conditioner and switch her diet pills with laxatives. I mean, who wants to fuck a bald-headed ho with a bad case of shitty ass? Well, Tommy Girl does, but he doesn't count.

Lily Allen was out getting wasted in London last night with a bunch of bitches, when some French ho tried to kill her buzz by calling her a bunch of names. Lily and her friends left a club and were trying to find their car when the French ho called her a "fucking asshole." Lily, being the lady that she is, responded with, "Yeah, come and say that to my face you fucking cunt!" Nice use of the "cunt word." 10 points for Lily!

Lily then decided she wasn't going to wait for Frenchie to come to her. She turned around and tried to punch the ho three times. I don't know if she ever made contact. Lily needed to put down that ciggie and hit the bitch like a champ! Frenchie just stood there, laughing at her ass! 20 points for Frenchie! Lily is trying to sock her in the baguette and Frenchie thinks it's the funniest thing in the world. That's why I love booze. It has the ability to make everything hilarious!

After that public display of embarrassment, Lily walked away but kept shouting at Frenchie.

What's in the air in London that makes all these girls want to slap a ho? I should move to London. I can walk down the street, bitch slapping skanks left and right. When the police ask me to explain my actions, I'll say, "I can't. Blame it on the London air!"

Here's a few more of Lily making a fool of herself by trying to punch the French hyena. The Sun also has video of the incident. Oh and some of these pictures have a little nipple action in them.

It's been over a week since the ho from "Hairspray," her daddy, and Bianca from "ANTM" were arrested for beating each other down at an airport in Turks and Caicos. Nikki Blonsky and Bianca were released on bail shortly after their arrest. Carl Blonsky couldn't come up with the $75,000 for his bail, so his ass stayed in jail. Nikki should have blackmailed John Travolta for the money. She must have some kind of juicy gay dirt on his bottom ass.

In a court hearing today, Carl said he needed to go back to the US because he has health issues he needs to take care. Basically, the judge told him "Bitch, sit down." The judge thinks he's a flight risk since he's not from around those parts. Carl has to stay in jail until August 19, the start date of his trial. He faces up to five years in the chokey.

The woman Carl is accused of beating down, Bianca's mother Elaine, was recently released from a hospital in Florida after five days in the ICU. She was airlifted there from the Caribbean. The prosecutor on the case said Elaine is still suffering from memory loss, insomnia, slurred speech and a broken nose. Carl's lawyer accused Elaine of making her injuries seem bigger than what they really are. He thinks she's trying to set up a lawsuit.

Where the hell is that lady from after-fight video? I need her to comment on this fuckery! Seriously, Carl told the court today that he has nerve damage in his arm. The "nerve damage" in his arm didn't keep him from busting down on Elaine.

I doubt Elaine is lying about her injuries, but I wouldn't blame her if she was. Whenever someone is threatening to kick my ass (which happens a lot), I think to myself, "Michael, if this bitch hits you, stumble to those stairs over there and throw yourself down them. If you live, you might get some major cash out of this."

Source

Nikki Blonsky and Bianca from "America's Next Top Model" were arrested last week for their part in a brawl that took place at an airport in Turks & Caicos. Nikki's dad is still in jail for allegedly beating down Bianca's mom, Elaine Golden. Elaine is still in the intensive care unit of a Miami hospital recovering from a broken nose and cracked skull.

Bianca's family told The New York Post their side of the story. They said it all started when Bianca's family asked the Blonsky family to move some of their luggage off of an airport chair, so that one of them could sit. The Blonsky family moved their shit, so that the the woman holding a child could sit, but they weren't happy about it. The Blonksly family reportedly started talking a lot of shit and even threw in the N-word a few times. Did Nikki not learn anything from "Hairspray"? Another source claims Bianca's family started the racial shit when one of them said, "I don't want to sit next to any white bitch."

The arguing became physical when Bianca and Nikki started exchanging words. Bianca's family member said the two chicks never fought each other, but Nikki did try and rip off Bianca's earring. She was hungry! After that, they all started brawling. You can't stop the beat down!

Unfortunately, there isn't any video of the battle itself. Yet. But someone did post a video on YouTube of the aftermath. The woman narrating the video needs her own show! In case you can't watch the video, here's a few of the narrator's amazing quotes:

"This young lady here with the green shirt, she done decked a girl out - Tracy Turnblad. Poor girl over there devastated, she ain't dancing around today."

"Is that my airplane?! Is that my flight? Cause I gotta go!!!"

At one point during the video, Nikki's loud mouth mom comes around blabbering about something or another. Who cares about her! Rude! She's interrupting this lady's amazing commentary.

Mini-Me is about to file a lawsuit against his sex tape co-star, Ranae Shrider, for allegedly beating his tiny baby ass and causing him emotional distress.

Mini's lawyer told TMZ that Ranae once picked a lock on his door with her teeth, pushed away a scooter that was blocking it, and then threw Mini to the floor. The lawyer went on to say, "When you pick up a 2'8" human being and throw him to the floor, it hurts."

Remember how we're all riding on that bus to hell together? Well, I've just being upgraded to first-class air for laughing so hard at the image of Mini-Me getting thrown. Midget tossing!

Mini's lawyer said that the damages caused to him by Ranae exceed $20 million. Um....how did they get to that number exactly? Was his door made out of diamonds? Does Mini-Me shit gold toddler nuggets? Even if Ranae does all the midget porn in the world, she's still not going to be able to pay off that debt.

I feel for poor Mini-Me. That giant horsey lady coming at him with her ginormous teeth must have been scaaaaaawy. Mini was probably shaking in his underoos. Mini-Me, get that mean ole' pony girl! Make her pay!