At the 3:20 mark in the clip above, Andy Dick (looking like Courtney Love) awkwardly and drunkenly climbs up next to a sitting male audience member and lifts up his gypsy skirt before giving the dude a cheek full of NO!!!!!!! That male audience member is way too calm, because if Andy Dick's crotch started creeping towards your face, the theme song from JAWS would start filling your head and you'd immediately stop, drop and roll to the nearest exit out of fear that if you don't, a dark-sided image will be branded into your brain and not even a million kitten videos will be able to banish it. But the dude stayed sitting and now he's suing.
TMZ reports that Robert Tucker filed a lawsuit against Andy Dick, claiming that he was degraded and humiliated when Daphne Aguilera allegedly gave his face a peen massage during a performance at a club in Dallas last December. Robert says in his lawsuit that Andy "pulled down his costume skirt with his right hand, exposing the fact the he was not wearing underwear beneath the skirt." Robert claims that Andy then teabag raped his face by rubbing his genitals all over it. Robert's co-workers have not stopped making fun of him and he's officially scarred. Robert wants money from Andy, of course. "Yah, me too. Let me know when you find some!" - Andy Dick's dealer.
If you watch the clip above, you'll see that Andy's slimy coke noodle doesn't seem to make contact with Robert's face cheek. They share the same breathing space for a minute, but I don't ever see any "rubbing" going on. But still. If I put my unclothed crotch into a stranger's face without a signed consent form, the police would tackle me to the ground, handcuff me and drag me by my ankles in a jail cell full of growling men and thick sweat that can double as lube.
Hmm. Since I put it that way, I fully expect Andy to sue the Dallas PD for not putting him in handcuffs before throwing him into a locked room with sweaty men. How dare they deny him that right!
Oh, Andy Dick. Can't just go to a restaurant, sip on his soda water through a straw and sit politely with his thirst for drunken foolery tucked safely away. Nope. Andy continued to fight his demons (Note: "fight his demons" is the bad sheep second cousin of "over the moon") by trying to drown them out with alcohol and scare them away by causing a scene in a public place. Another week, another story about Andy Dick ruining somebody's meal.
Radar says that the police were called to a restaurant in Temecula, CA last night after Andy conducted himself in a disorderly way while under the influence of booze. I'm sure Andy pissed in the corner, stuck his dick in somebody's burrito and did a shot off of a stranger's head without asking. The usual!
Andy was charged with misdemeanor charge of disorderly conduct with alcohol and dried out in the tank before he was released on $500 bail.
On a positive note, Andy's mug shot is the best I've seen him look in a long time. It must be the silver fuzzy butt chin that's drawing me in. You know I get weak for silver fuzzy butts (see: Mah Boo).
And the next time Andy wants to have a good time, he should just hook up with these old dudes instead of terrorizing a restaurant with his acts of drunken assholery.
This is totally what will happen you if hide your Ecstasy pills in your daddy's Viagra bottle.
In this week's National Enquirer (via Boy Culture) are pictures of Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown's daughter Bobbi Kristina snorting what looks like a runway of the bad shit. On Radar yesterday, they posted pictures of Andy Dick doing the same thing in a car parked outside of a bar in Woodland Hills, CA. This is why you should only do coke in a polling booth, because those bitches will tackle any trick with a camera.
So, the photos of 18-year-old Bobbi Kristina with her nostril on a snort straw were given to the Enquirer by an ex-boyfriend who is trying to shame her into rehab. The leaker tells the Enquirer that coke isn't the only stuff Bobbi Kris messes with. Apparently, she smokes weed, sucks down beer like a Mexican uncle and drinks Everclear. Whitney can cry for the receipts until her tonsils dry up and drop, but the pictures are straight out of the receipt printer.
The pictures_ a former very dear person to me did this. Set me up to make it look exactly what it looks like. God will smite them yes..But it’s really not what it looks like.. People will do anything for money which is extremely sad, and I’m very hurt by this.Thing’s people do these days to hurt others is a shame. All I can do now, is keep my head up high, keep looking towards the lord.All the lord is telling me is be still. That’s all, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do. #BeStill.
I love my family so much. My mom just comforted me to the max, and I’m so thankful for her. Thank you so much lord for blessing me with an Phenomenal family and incredibly phenomenal mother. Thank you for giving me the strength to move forward and put things in the past.
And the person that did this was a result of a horrible relationship that went sour. I was in love_ he was in love with money. I’ve learned My lesson. I’m so much greater and blessed for it today, and I believe nothing less. That is the last I will speak of this, let’s praise god And be greatful and thankful for your family, and people that truly love you, strength, courage, and life lessons learned. GodblessUall «3
What she's trying to say is that COKE IS A JOKE! But what she should really do is grab us by the hand and lead us into her Chinese herbalist's store where she will show us the natural powder she snorts for her migraines (file under: stunts I learned while watching Body of Evidence). Now on to Andy...
The person who gave Radar the pictures of Daphne Aguilera filling his nose hole with Lohan powder says they were taken in a car parked outside of the Corner Club. The source says that before this, they walked into the men's room and caught Andy sucking on some chick's tit. Andy did that for about 15 minutes before he and his lady friend walked to the parking lot. The source goes on, “They were in their own little world. He was oblivious to everything except the cocaine and the woman with him. Andy has openly talked to me about committing suicide and he has definitely hit rock bottom at this point."
ANDY DICK SUCKING ON A NIPPLE BELONGING TO A WOMAN? Coke really is a helluva drug. But the other shocking thing is that two sets of leaked coke snorting pictures came out this week and not one of them stars Charlie Sheen. #win-youknowtherest.
And somewhere in California, Dr. Drew is spinning in a circle because he doesn't know whether he should drag in Bobby Kris or Andy Dick. Somebody take a ballpoint pen, poke it in his reset button and point him in the right direction.