Real People

Dr Fredric J. Baur, the inventor of the Pringles can, has passed away at the age of 89. Before his death, Fredric told his family that he wanted to be buried in one his creations. Yeah, he was cremated and part of his remains were put into a Pringles can. The other part of his remains were put in a regular urn. The can and urn were buried in his grave at Arlington Memorial Gardens in Cincinnati, Ohio.

His daughter said that he invented other shit like freeze-dried ice cream, but the Pringles can was his proudest accomplishment.

Don't judge! I wanted to be cremated and buried in one of Shauna Sand's exquisite lucite heels.

Seriously, the Pringles can always messes with my emotions. That shit should open from both sides! You can never grab the last chips and if you tip it over to pour them out, all the crumbs fall out.

R.I.P. Pringles can inventor man!

Bonus! Here's a Pringles commercial starring Brad Pitt!

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Go check your closet right now because there could be a ho living in there and you don't even know it!

A 57-year-old dude in Japan knew something in the milk wasn't clean when food started disappearing from his kitchen. He decided to figure out what the hell was going on by installing video cameras in the home where he lived alone.

The video cameras caught someone walking around when he wasn't around. The man immediately called the po po. They searched his home and found a 58-year-old woman living in one of his closets. The police said the woman got a mattress and a couple of plastic bottles into the tiny space. I'm guessing the plastic bottles were for pee pee times.

The woman was arrested. She told police she had nowhere else to live. The po po think she lived there for about a year, but not for the whole time. They think she was closet-hopping from joint to joint.

This is my ultimate nightmare come true! This is some Grudge shit!

Wait, maybe there's some creepy bitch living in my apartment and I don't know it. A whole box of Oreos seems to go missing around 11pm every night.... It's the closet witch! By "closet witch" I mean my stomach. That sneaky mofo.

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Thanks Shy

54-year-old Eija-Riitta Berliner-Mauer of Sweden claims to have been married to the Berlin Wall for 29 years. Her surname translates into English as Berlin Wall. Clever. NOT.

Eija said she's been diagnosed with a condition called Objectum-Sexuality. Basically, she likes to do sexay times with inanimate objects. She has never had sex with a human. She should try fucking any of the dudes on "The Bachelor." They are as wooden as they come.

She first fell in love with the wall when she was just 7-years-old. She visited it 5 times before marrying it in 1979 in front of a few guests.

She said, "I find long, slim things with horizontal lines very sexy. The Great Wall of China's attractive, but he’s too thick – my husband is sexier." I hope she covers her chocha in metal when she gets freaky with her man. I hear his dick is solid as a rock! No mortal vagina can handle it.

When the wall was torn down in 1989, Eija's heart broke. She said, “What they did was awful. They mutilated my husband." She still keeps models of her husband when he was in his prime.

This woman needs to meet the dude that has fucked 1,000 cars. They have a lot to talk about.

Visit her website to learn more

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Thanks Kayla

CAR SLUT! Meet Edward Smith from Washington state. He claims to have romanced around 1,000 cars and he's proud of it. Edward is pictured with his latest girlfriend, a white Volkswagen Beetle named Vanilla. Vanilla is a slut. You can tell. Look at that way she's fucking us with her eyes. No wonder Edward can't keep his genitals off of her. She probably lets him do it in her exhaust pipe. WHORE!

He told the Telegraph, "I'm a romantic. I write poetry about cars, I sing to them and talk to them just like a girlfriend. I know what's in my heart and I have no desire to change. I'm not sick and I don't want to hurt anyone, cars are just my preference."

57-year-old Edward isn't attracted to men or women. He only likes cars. It started when he was just 15 and it hasn't stopped. He also doesn't only fuck cars. His said his most "intense sexual experience" was with a helicopter from the TV show Airwolf.

Edward is not alone. He belongs to an internet forum for "car lovers."

This brings new meaning to the saying, "get her motor running."

Visit the Telegraph to read the entire interview and to learn about his other "girlfriends."

Thanks Delilah

15-year-old Jennifer Sharpe from Dearborn, Michigan might have set a National record for the amount of Girl Scout cookies sold in one season. Jennifer sold 17,328 boxes in just one season. WHA?! Did she hit up Brit Brit's house or something?

Jennifer set up shop in a church parking lot from 3pm to 7pm. Monday through Saturday. Sundays, she moved her operation to an auto parts store from 11am to 7pm.

She said, "I know how to get people to buy more. If they buy two boxes and they hand me a 10, I'd be like, 'For 50 cents more, you can get three,' because three boxes are $10.50." Homegirl is a hustler!

A rep for the Girl Scouts of America said there's no National record on the books.

I admit it, I bought 17,000 of those boxes. Honestly, I still have boxes sitting in my freezer. There's only so many bowls of Trefoils and milk you can eat in one day. There needs to be a Girl Scout cookie recipe book, because I'm running out of ways to each this shit.

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Thanks Kristi

Gokhan Mutlu has filed a $2 million lawsuit against JetBlue Airways claiming they made him sit in the bathroom for part of his flight. In court papers, Gokhan said the pilot of his full Feb. 28 flight from San Diego to New York ordered him to give up his seat to a flight attendant who wanted to be more comfortable than she was in her jump seat.

They told him he could go sit in the toilet. WTF! The pilot told him the jumper seat was for personnel only. And he went! Gokhan said, "They put me in the toilet. I don't feel good about it. I don't feel good about it at all." Gokhan sat in there through turbulence without a seatbelt on.

Gokhan also claimed that while he was sitting in the bathroom, he opened the door and was laughed at by two male flight attendents. Those bitchy queens! He said that while everyone enjoyed their in-flight entertainment he had to "flush the toilet and hear the sound of water for entertainment."

JetBlue would not comment. They claimed they had not seen the lawsuit yet.

If this shit is true then Gokhan has to be the dumbest bitch ever. How the hell are you going to let some asshole tell you to go and sit in the shitter during a flight? I would have created a fucking shit storm. They would have had to call in the military, UFOs and Superman to control my age.

I also think we might have found Pam Babcock aka toilet lady a new man. He only sat there for 3 hours, but she can train him to sit longer. Love on the toilet seat.

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17-year-old Marche Taylor wore this elegant and sophisticated dress to her high school prom and school officials were not amused. Marche showed up to Madison High's prom at the Sugar Land Marriot in Texas and didn't make it past the lobby. School officials would not allow her inside the prom, because they felt her outfit was not appropriate.

Marche said, "I actually like the dress. Everybody else likes my dress." No, the dress did not come from the Shauna Sand prom dress collection. Marche had it custom made. Yeah, she just grabbed a few bedroom sheets and wrapped them around her. Custom made my ass!

Marche and school officials began to argue, because Marche felt she was being treated unfairly. She offered to cover up more, but officials still wouldn't let her inside, because she wasn't wearing underwear. Well, the girl is thinking ahead! She doesn't want to worry about a pesky thing like panties when she's getting hers later in the night.

Marche then demanded her money back. Things got so bad that the cops were called. They showed up, handcuffed Marche and escorted her out. A photographer snapped a photo of Marche being led out in handcuffs in her classy dress.

Slutty dress? Handcuffed by police officers? That sounds like my kind of prom. The school principal was just jealous! That shit is classy right there. Big Lots should hire Marche to design a new line of hot prom dresses for them. I mean, teen hookers go to their proms too!

Thanks Marianne

Just when I thought that I've heard it all, comes this story out of Houston. If you're eating, you might want to skip this story and head on over to CuteOverload.com instead.

Three Kingwood teens have been arrested and accused of digging up a secluded grave and removing a skull in Humble, a city north of Houston.

Kevin Wade Jones, 17, and Matthew Richard Gonzalez, 17, both of Kingwood, told Houston police that around March 15 they and a 16-year old juvenile dug up a grave, removed the skull from the coffin and converted it into a "bong," a device used to smoke marijuana, according to court documents.

Houston police believe the teens disturbed the grave of an 11-year-old boy who died in 1921.

All the more reason to be cremated. Don't blame weed for this shit either. Blame stupidity. That being said, I'll believe it when I see it. Scratch that, I don't ever want to see that. EVER.

Visit The Houston Chronicle for all the gory details.

Thanks Jennifer and all the other that sent them to me. You're all sick nasty fucks!

41-year-old Michelle Duggar is pregnant with her 18th child. My non-existent vagina hurts. The 21st member of The Duggar family will be born around New Year's Day. Baby number 18 will join its 7 sisters and 10 brothers. There are two sets of twins.

The family lives in a 7,000 square foot home in Arkansas. They are currently shooting a reality series for Discovery Health.

Michelle's husband, Jim Bob, said, "Our goal is for each one of our children to be best friends, and everybody working together to serve each other makes that happen."

The Duggar children's first names all begin with the letter J. They are: Josh, 20; Jana, 18; John-David, 18; Jill, 16; Jessa, 15; Jinger, 14; Joseph, 13; Josiah, 11; Joy-Anna, 10; Jeremiah, 9; Jedidiah, 9; Jason, 7; James, 6; Justin, 5; Jackson, 3; Johannah, 2; and Jennifer, 9-months.

They are running out of Js! They are going to have to start dipping into the Ps soon.

Well, if the Duggars ever run out of room in their house, a few of the children can move into Michelle's vagina. You know it's like a 6-car garage up in there.

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Most new brides spend their wedding night having awkward, drunken sex with their new groom. Not 25-year-old Christa Wielechowski. She spent her wedding night in jail! Christa's new husband, 32-year-old Dr. David M. Wielechowski, also spent his wedding night locked up.

It all started after the wedding. The Post Gazette reports that the Wielechowskis checked into the Holiday Inn in Ross, PA and began arguing before they even got into their room. The police complaint reads that Dr. David "then used a karate-style kick with his leg to kick Christa, knocking her to the floor." Wax on! Wax off! Damn. Did Mr. Miyagi teach him those moves?

Two guests heard the commotion outside and decided to help. They tried to calm Dr. David, but he started beating on their asses. Instead of helping her rescuers, Christa joined her husband in beating them down. The fight continued into the elevator and then into the lobby. Okay...who the hell pushed the button for the lobby while they were fighting?

When they got to the lobby, Dr. David grabbed a metal planter and threw it at the two rescuers. After the fight finally ended, the rescuers were left with cuts, a knocked out tooth and a possible broken thumb. Dr. David should fix that tooth on the house! He's a dentist. Around $1,000 worth of damage was caused to the hotel.

Dr. David and Christa were both charged with simple assault, criminal mischief and disorderly conduct. She was also charged with public drunkenness. They were arrested on Saturday night and both were released yesterday. Christa left jail in her wedding dress. That is so fucking hot.

Seriously, this is a wedding to remember. Christa and Dr. David have the greatest wedding pictures of all time, matching mug shots!

Thanks Amanda