Mariah Carey

Mimi once again shows off her greasy hamhocks in her new video, "I'll Be Lovin' U Long Time." Love you long time! Yes Mimi, we know. You enjoy oiling yourself up and rolling around like a horny pussycat on a hot summer's day. Somebody calm her ass down with a q-tip! Seriously, have you ever heard about the many ways to soothe a pussy in heat? I tried the q-tip method on myself, but it didn't really work and I'm still looking for that q-tip......

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Shit, now I have to return the 5-foot tall lucite butterfly statute I bought for Mimi and Nick. The two have called off their second wedding which was supposed to take place in NYC sometime this month. Their first wedding in the Bahamas just wasn't enough for Mimi. The second wedding was going to be a multi-million-dollar crystal unicorn extravaganza fit for an 8-year-old!

Mimi reportedly couldn't find a magazine that was interested in spending millions for the exclusive photos of her cotton candy bukkake fiesta. A told MSNBC's The Scoop, “Mariah was willing to pay for the wedding, but the way she hoped to pay for the wedding was through the sale of photos. No one was interested."

Did the bitch try Hello Kitty Magazine?! They would have paid for the entire affair and also given her a custom-made wedding dress made of out of hundreds of stuffed Hello Kitties. Hello Kitty herself could have officiated the ceremony! Ugh. She can hit them up for her next marriage.

Brit & KFed 2.0 landed in Japan today and Mimi proudly showed off her wedding ring. The wedding ring she probably bought for herself! Nick is a smart dude though. He's holding on to Mimi for dear life. Shit, he would be stupid to let go of his money. He should put a baby leash on her ass.

It was rumored that Mimi was planning a massive $4 million second wedding in NYC next month. Mimi laughed off the rumors by saying, "4 milly? On what? Cake?" Well, yeah. I'm sure a fairytale wedding cake covered in crystal butterflies and unicorns doesn't come cheap.

You know, Mimi's delusional ass looks happy and that's all that matters. Ignorance is bliss!

One wedding is not enough for Mimi! MSNBC's The Scoop reports that Mimi is planning an over-the-top wedding to Nick Cannon in NYC. They are going to be divorced in a few months, so she might as well get a tacky party out of this marriage while she still can!

A source said, “It’s going to be held in New York City in the next six weeks. Picture a wedding on the scale of Liza Minnelli’s (to David Gest) and you’ll be on the right track." Liza Minnelli's wedding?! You mean the night is going to end with the groom groping one of the waiters and the bride having a slumber party with all of her gay best friends?

The source went on to say, “She wants over 2,000 guests and the budget will be well over $4 million and she’ll have at least 14 bridesmaids."

YES! Now this is what I'm talking about. Expect this shit to be like My Super Sweet 16 on CRACK. Those little dumb bitches don't have shit on Mimi. Mimi better be careful about who she uses as wedding planner. Most people don't understand her. She should really hire a group of 8-year-old girls as her wedding team. They know what Mimi likes, because it's probably what they like too.

Mimi and her boy toy are fucking everywhere! Everywhere! She's walking around with a dopey smile on her face. I've seen that dopey smile before. It looks like the final stage of Dickmatization. She's a goner. She's probably signing over her fortune with his jizz right now.

Mimi and Nick attended the Operation Smile benefit last night and Mimi was asked about marriage, “It's fantastic. It’s a stone smash!” A stone smash?! Too much information!

Nick added, “It’s a beautiful situation … carrying on and on each day.” A very beautiful situation. Nick was seen driving around in a new $100,000 Maserati. Yup, Dickmatization is serious business.

Mimi's new bitch, Nick Cannon, was out shopping at Beverly Hills Kitty yesterday. Mimi probably can't cum without her favorite Hello Kitty stuffed animal. She likes to caress it's cheek when she's hitting the big one. Wait till she asks him to get her Hello Kitty brand tampons. It's the least Nick Cannon can do for her. He was a couple of seasons away from starring in a Vh1 reality dating show and she saved him!

The couple are still celebrating their shotgun wedding. UsWeekly reports that they threw another wedding party at Six Flags Magic Mountain in Valencia, CA last night. The park closed to the public at 6pm for Mimi's classy affair. That sucks. I found joy in picturing Mimi standing in an hour-long line for Colossus.

The theme park was decorated in pink and purple and a banner read: "Mariah and Nick - A Love Story." A barf story is more like it!

Nick is thinking to himself: "KA CHING!"

Mimi is thinking to herself: "horsies, cotton candies, unicornies, rainbows, preeeeetty, ehehee"

Mimi and her new son husband stepped out last night for the first time since getting hitched last week. They attended the Time Magazine's Most Influential People party where Mimi performed and then the couple had dinner at the Waverly Inn.

Mimi is insane and horny, so if this fulfills her needs then so be it. She's the one that's going to lose her 400,000 square foot Manhattan mansion not me. Well, I'd lose my 400 square foot Manhattan closet apartment, but what's the difference?

By the looks of these pictures, she's definitely had too much butterfly juice. She's just fluttering along. Anyway, here's more pictures of Mr. and Mrs. Mariah Carey last night. You know Gayle King is jealous. She's thinking, "I wish Oprah would marry me." Give her some of that butterly juice and she might!

If you're looking to get Mimi a late wedding pressie, I might have a good suggestion. How about a gift card for the American Laser Center! You see, Mimi got Nick Cannon's name tattooed on her neck. She had it done a month ago.

Mimi told People "One thing (few people) knew was we got tattoos a few weeks earlier. So anyone who saw my ("Mrs. Cannon") tattoo wasn't surprised." Nick got Mariah's named tattooed on his back. It goes from shoulder to shoulder. It's the least he can do for her. Mimi should have gotten his name tattooed on her vagina lips instead, because that's where he's got her by.

She went on to say that she hopes they will have children soon, "I'd just want our children to have the best childhood and upbringing they possibly could." So does this mean she's going to give her kids away when she has them? I kid! I kid!

Mimi would make a wonderful mother! She would put White Oprah's skills to shame.

VIA Mariah Daily

Mimi and Nick Cannon's wedding pictures are in the new issue of People Magazine. Mimi looks like she's eyeing the buffet and Nick is smiling, because he just won the lottery. Sigh. Hopefully, Mimi will give People exclusive rights to her divorce pictures in a couple of months.

Mimi told the mag that she feels Nick is her "soulmate." Nick said, "I never felt a love like this was in the cards for me. She is beautiful on the outside and 10 times as beautiful on the inside." She's very beautiful on the inside because she's filled with donuts, cupcakes and candy! Those are all beautiful and delicious things.

The cover should have said, "Mimi is DICKMATIZED." I hope that dick is making her slap somebody, because this mess is not going to end well.

People Magazine will unveil exclusive pictures from Mimi's wedding at 10am EST today. Don't you love this world? NEXT! Mimi will unveil a new dookie at 11am! No, I'm not talking about a new Mimi song. I'm talking about poop.

If you give a fuck, check People at 10am to see pictures of Mimi making the biggest mistake of her life. I really hope she's wearing a white bikini.