Mariah Carey

The "little people" I'm talking about included Mary J. Blige, Alicia Keys, Bruce Springsteen and Jon Bon Jovi. Among others. Mimimimimimi was given a seat at the inauguration in the VIP section with a bunch of other celebrities. This was not good enough for the unicornie princess. She wanted to sit on Obama's lap, basically.

Some source told Page Six, "Somehow she thought she'd be up with the Obama family. When she realized she wasn't, she bailed."

They got it wrong. She fluttered off on her butterfly-winged vagina when Queen Chichis came out wearing the hat of hope. Mimi went off to order her own. But Mimi had hers done up in baby pink and instead of a big ass bow, hers has butterfly wings encrusted with shiny Hello Kitty heads. And she's done the right thing. If you're an American, it's your duty to make and wear your own low budget version of this shit.

It's wrong of me to judge something when I haven't listened to the entire thing, but I couldn't make it past the 1:04 mark of John Mayer's cover of Mimi's "All I Want For Christmas Is You." First of all, Christmas songs have been fucking me in the ass without Crisco since November. Second of all, John Mayer sounds constipated. The visual of him pushing out a butt nugget while singing a Christmas tune was too much for me to deal with, so I quit that bitch after a minute.

Besides, I don't need to listen to the whole thing to know that John is doing it all wrong. Dear John, get yourself a hot cup of douche water, sit back and watch this hot bitch below. This beautiful songbird will show you the proper way to cover a Mimi Xmas song:

The rumors that Mimi is knocked up with a magical butterfly baby just won't stop. Page Six says that Mimi was spotted by some nosy ho coming out of a baby doctor's office in Beverly Hills. The nosy ho said she was "clutching what looked like a sonogram and being greeted by her entourage with cheers. She was ebullient."

Yeah, I'm dumb so I had to look up "ebullient." It basically means unicorns riding on rainbows flew out of her Hello Kitty.

I really need for these rumors to be true. Just thinking of all the names Mimi will name her spawn is making me want to invent a pill that will speed up birth, so that baby can pop out now. My Mariah Carey Baby Name Generator says she will name her baby Princess Cristal Butterfly Lamb Kitty (even if its a boy), but methinks Mimi is going to be more creative than that.

And the bitches at the Hello Kitty Maternity Hospital better start preparing for the arrival of the Hello Kitty Queen herself.

Mimi has denied she's carrying a little rainbow unicornie baby in her womb, but she might purposely get knocked up just so she can give birth at the Hello Kitty Maternity Hospital in Taiwan.

The hospital was built in 2006 by Tsai Tsung-chi who spent more than $3.2 million in construction and decorations. He created the hospital hoping to create a pleasant environment for chicks who are afraid of popping out a baby. Tsai said, "I wish everyone who comes here - mothers suffer while giving birth, and children suffer with their sickness - to receive medical care while seeing this Kitty, it brings a smile to their faces, helps them forget about discomfort and recover faster."

The hospital is covered in everything Hello Kitty from statues to bed sheets to furniture to the wallpapers. A life-sized Hello Kitty comes to visit mothers and babies twice a year.

This place is for mothers who just want to pop out a baby in record time. They are forced to speed up labor, so that they can collect their new baby and bounce out of that creepy joint as soon as possible! There's no such thing as a fucking 8-hour labor at the Hello Kitty hospital.

If I was a woman giving birth and a giant Hello Kitty peered into my doorway, I would reach into my vagina, pull out the baby, grab my coat and run the fuck out of that place. HELL NO, KITTY!

And I change my comment about Mimi. She's not only going to give birth there, she's going to buy the whole place and live there permanently!

Source: ITN

Thanks Stacy

There might have been a real good reason on why Mimi got hitched to Nick Cannon after only 2-months of dating. Mimi wouldn't let Nick put his Keroppi in her Hello Kitty until after they were married and the thing was starting to purr uncontrollably.

The unicorny princess told the Daily Mirror, "It's not that we had no intimacy, we just didn't have complete intimacy. It's just me, and my feelings. I definitely don't want to push it on anybody else. But we both have similar beliefs, and I just thought that it would be so much more special if we waited until after we were married. And it was, and it still is."

Mimi also let Nick rub his Deery-Lou all over her Cinnamorolls while she licked on his Spottie Dotties. And then he'd slap her Little Twin Stars with his Pekkle and bust a load of his Sweet Coron on her throbbing Chi Chai Monchan.

I know I've missed a bunch of character names, but I'm starting to freak myself out.

And I don't think Nick cared about waiting to fuck as long as he got to stick his dick deep into her checking account after they got married.

Here's Mimi in London last night still glowing from getting her no-cherry popped by her new manchild husband.

I expected Mimi to dress up for Slutoween as a slutty rainbow, a slutty Hello Kitty, a slutty unicorn friend or a slutty butterfly, but not a slutty jar of cookies! Her imagination knows no bounds. I'm glad she kept her jumbo oatmeal-raisin cookie covered, though. And what's a slutty jar of cookies without a carton of douche milk! Mimi's cookie gets dry, so it's a good think her manchild's curdled milk is always close by. I apologize for that visual.

One slutty costume wasn't enough for Mimi, so she also dressed up as Firefighter HO. She's ready to fight the fire in your pants with her squirting... Okay, I won't go there. The cookie and curdled milk visual was enough Mimi grossness for the day.

And while Mimi dressed as a slutty jar of cookies and a slutty firefighter, I think her eyes came dressed as tattered spiders making their way off the short bus.

Now that I think about it.... Mimi probably didn't even know it was Halloween. This is the shit she wears all day, every day.

Good morning and if you're watching this video, then good night too! It's Mimi's new video for "I'm Still In Love With You" and I think this shit was paid for by Mr. Sandman

It's typical Mimi: she puts perfume in her chichis and walks around all horny while dressed like a truck-stop hooch. In the video, Mimi plays some sad and luded-up showgirl who gets extra weepy when she sees her man with another showgirl. Instead of pulling a Nomi Malone and pushing her rival down the stairs, Mimi drives some car out into the desert and farts on it. Yeah, I don't get it either. And now I need some extra extra extra strong Sanka.

The forehead. The eyebrows. The wonk eye. The lips. The everything. Mimi knows she shouldn't be married to this dude because her face is starting to pay the price. Yes, this could be from too many bukkake sessions with the Botox needle, but I'm going to blame it on her mantoy. She's probably trying to remain youthful and shit for his ass, but instead she's looking like a wonk monster. You know you have problems when you're giving Wonky McValtrex a run for her wonk money. No.

What she really needs is a moment to fucking breathe. She can't, because Mr. Carey is always glued to her ass. He seriously goes everywhere with her. You know he has to hold her hand when she takes a wittle tinkle (that's what she calls it).

On a positive note, it doesn't look like it took a few gallons of Crisco and a couple of cranes to squeeze her into that dress. This might be a first for her.

Mimi hosted a night at Bank at the Bellagio in Las Vegas last night and most likely spent the entire night standing and holding her breath for dear life. Don't worry. I'm sure her toy husband was waiting in the back with an oxygen tank just in case she needed a breath of air. I doubt she did. Mimi is a professional "sucker-inner."

I love how she didn't take her hands off of her waist once. She was probably thinking about the safety of others. If she let go, a large army of Spanx would have burst forth and dozens of innocent people could have been caught in the crossfire. Mimi cares!

Mimi was outside the Cavalli store in NYC the other day, probably daydreaming about unicorns dancing on a rainbow salad or something, when her pooch dropped a few caca nuggets on the sidewalk. Instead of picking that shit up or forcing one of the help to do it, she fluttered off back into the store. She left the dog shit right there on the sidewalk for an innocent person with nice shoes to step on. Illegal, but I don't blame her. I rant about dog shit all the time on here, because it's the worst part of my day. I've tried to train my dog to not shit at all, but I haven't had any luck.

Now if I left even a crumb of my dog's doody on the sidewalk, at least three dumb whores would pull a citizen's arrest on me.

The other day, my doggy was doing the squat dance all over the place and some dumb ass whore of a stupid lady stopped to watch. Not because she loves poochie poo, but because she wanted to make sure I was going to pick it up. I know the type. She probably slipped on wet canine poo in the past and it made her some sort of dog shit nazi. The wench waited until I picked up every last piece. Thankfully, my doggy didn't go diarrhea or I would've been screwed. I just would have dropped his leash and dog shit bag and screamed, "I quit this bitch!"

I hate dog shit. End of rant.

Source: Page Six