Film

I finally went to see "The Dark Knight" this weekend. I was tempted to see "Step Brothers" instead, but I knew that if I didn't see that Batman shit, some people in my life would disown me forever.

It didn't make me pass a kidney stone or anything, but it was entertaining. However, the motherfucker in front of me wrapped his jacket around the entire back of his chair. His nasty ass jacket hood kept brushing against my knee. It took everything out of me not to pour my entire orange soda (yes, I'm trash) into his hood. I would have, but orange soda is too delicious to waste on a total dick bag.

I wasn't the only dumb bitch who went to TDK this weekend. The movie was #1 again at the box office bringing in $75.6 million. It also beat another record by making $314.2 million in just 10 days. This week, it will become the biggest movie of 2008. It's already #23 on the all-time domestic blockbuster list. It could very well take down "Star Wars Episode IV"as the second biggest movie ever domestically. "Titanic" is currently #1 with $600.788. All this money talk is making my checking account weep.

The weekend box office looked like this:

1. The Dark Knight - $75.6 million
2. Step Brothers - $30 million
3. Mamma Mia! - $17.8
4. The X-Files 2 - $10.2 million
5. Journey to the Center of the Earth - $9.4 million

This totally means there's going to be a third Batman. They better bring back Catwoman and Jocelyn Wildenstein better play her ass....OR ELSE!

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The Dark Knight knocked Spider-Man 3 off the top spot for the biggest opening weekend ever. TDK made around $155.3 million this weekend, beating SM3's $151.1 million opening last year. TDK also broke a bunch of other records too. Basically, people are losing it for this movie. Women that aren't even pregnant are going into labor over this shit. It's nuts.

Here's the top 5 movies at the box office this weekend:

1. The Dark Knight - $155.3 million
2. Mamma Mia! - $27.6 million
3. Hancock - $14 million
4. Journey to the Center of the Earth - $11.9 million
5. Hellboy II - $10 million

I skipped seeing TDK after I saw the 3-hour line from hell for it. It was worse than the fucking iPhone line! I opted for the homo fiesta known as Mamma Mia! At least I thought it was going to be a homo fiesta.

Seriously, I thought I was going to get butt fucked by a plethora of glittery gayness. NOT! It didn't even satisfy my homo tooth. It was AWFUL! First of all, it felt like I was watching it in the rec room of a retirement home. Memaws on my left, pepaws on my right. Second of all, Pierce Brosnan should never be allowed to sing ever again. They should have gotten Kermit the Frog to dub his singing voice. It would've sounded better. Even the memaws in the audience were laughing at him! When a memaw laughs at you, it's time to excuse yourself and sit in the nearest corner. Basically, don't pay money for this shit. Buy yourself a cocktail instead. It tastes better and won't leave you thinking bad thoughts about Pierce Brosnan.

And just because, here's some pics of Christian Bale leaving LAX with his family yesterday.

Basically, "The Dark Knight" has already made a shit load of cash. The bitches at Warner Bros. are having a money party this weekend, where they will swim in pools of money, drink money martinis and wipe their asses with $100 bills.

It made $18.5 million on midnight screenings alone, breaking the midnight record set by Star Wars, Episode III, which made $16.9. George Lucas is a loser!

In total, it made around $63 million on Friday. It will probably make around ten billion dollars by the end of the weekend. "Batman Begins" made $48.7 million in its first weekend.

This is the thing, I really want to see TDK. I do. But a big movie means big crowds, which means BIG morons. Especially in this fucking heat. Heat makes morons even more moronic. And I have a fat mouth, so sometimes the word "cunt" just seems to creep out when I'm really annoyed. Before I know it, I'd have ten frat boys on my ass ( and not in a hot way). I don't need to spend the rest of my weekend in a hospital bed or jail cell. Nu uh.

I think I'll go see "Mamma Mia" instead. I hear it's fucking torture, but I'll bring Jack and ask the concession bitch to only fill my Coke halfway. You know, for my medicine.

The big stars came out for the premiere of "The Dark Knight" in NYC last night. I'm being sarcastic. The biggest stars are in the movie.

When Lauren Conrad from "The Hills" is one of the most recognizable faces at the premiere, there's a problem. The twats from "Gossip Girl," Karina Smirnoff Ice, Patrick Wilson and some other whores also showed up. They were only there for the gift bag and snack bar.

Thank Jeebus for hot pepaw eye candy like Michael Caine and Gary Oldman. Oh and also Thank God for Edie Falco who is turning into the bull dyke of my dreams. She seriously looks like a contestant on "Top Chef." She's giving me gayelle fever.

A sequel to the queef orgy known as "Sex and the City" is in the works. As soon as this shit opened with a gazillion dollars at the box office, I knew My Little Pony Parker immediately held a meeting at her barn to ask HBO how many more carrots and sugar cubes they are going to give her for the sequel.

At the TCA press tour, one of the HBICs of HBO said, "There is enormous interest by Warner Bros. and New Line to do another Sex and the City and I think in fact they're trying to put that together now. When that happens or how long it would take, I can't say. But there's tremendous interest." He went on to sqwak that they were all "heartened by the enthusiasm from the [Sex and the City] fans and by the new fans." No, they are all shitting in their diapers at the amount of cash it made.

They would be stupid to not put out a sequel. I mean, when I went to see this estrogen fiesta in the theaters, dozens of vaginas practically exploded for it. They all came dressed up and were screaming like they just saw a 10-inch dick. Shit, I'm a big ass girl, but even that was too much for me. I had to pop testerone pills just to bring my estrogen levels down.

I'm ok with a sequel as long as it's called "Sex and the City 2: It's ROJO CALIENTE Time!"

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The teaser trailer for the new 007 movie is out. I always get this crap confused with Quantum Leap, so I half-expected Scott Bakula to pop into the trailer and was a little disappointed when he didn't. Better yet, Ziggy should've been one of the Bond girls.

And why is Daniel Craig clothed through most of the trailer. More nekkid Craig and more Bond girls!! "Quantum of Solace" comes out this November.

Thanks Liam

I could have sworn I've seen this shit already. I guess when you've seen one movie with Angelina Jolie in black leather shooting a gun, you've seen them all. Above is the new trailer for "Wanted" which comes out at the end of this month. It also stars James McAvoy, Morgan Freeman and Terence Stamp. Yes, Bernadette Bassenger is in this crap. His presence almost makes it worth the $12.

Seeing Angie's bare arms in the trailer has given me a sudden craving for Grissini breadsticks.

I totally freaked out when I first saw this movie still of Bradley Pitt. It was probably the 10 cups of coffee I had this morning, but it could have also been that I thought it was a still from "Cool World." Remember that mess of a movie? Young Brad Pitt with sexy hair and Kim Basinger as a cartoon slut. They don't make shit like that anymore. Brad needs to keep the Vanilla Ice 'do. It makes him look younger.

Anyway, below is the trailer for another one of Brad's new movies. He has at least 10,000 movies coming out this year alone. This one is for The Coen Brother's "Burn After Reading." It stars George Clooney, Tilda Swinton, John Malkovich, Frances McDormand and yo mama. Everyone else is in it, so I'm sure yo mama has some sort of role in it.

Thanks Maritza

Hollyweird keeps barfing up old ideas! E! reports that Eddie Murphy will star in Beverly Hills Cop 4 for Paramount. Brett Ratner is in talks to direct this crap for a summer 2010 release. They should call it Beverly Hills Crap: Tranny Got A Gun.

The only good that can come out of this is if they bring Judge Reinhold back. He needs the work. Other than that, I'd much rather see a sequel to Vampire in Brooklyn.

Here's the Spanish-language trailer for Brad Pitt's "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button." Brad plays some dude who is born in his 80s and ages backwards. It's sort of like The Lindsay Lohan story.

The movie was directed by David Fincher and also stars Cate Blanchett, Tilda Swinton, Julia Ormond, Taraji P. Henson, Shiloh Jolie-Pitt, Elle Fanning and Jason Flemyng. It hits theaters on December 19th.

I think I liked the music better when it was in "Edward Scissorhands." Seriously, any movie with Tilda Swinton can't be that hideous.

I'm sure Brad will win an Oscar for this shit, and then his Oscar and Angie's Oscar can make babies. Shiloh will probably win an Oscar for this too even though I think she's in it for like 1 second.

Get the trailer while it's hot. It's probably going to be pulled down soon, so click here if that happens.