Leonardo DiCaprio and Jude Law are both wiping zit semen off of their nutsacks, because The Sun claims they are both playing around with Cameron Diaz.
Apparently, Cameron started her tour of wonky hairlines last week when she bumped it with Leonardo DiCaprio in London. A source type says that Leo is ready to pass his peen around after recently splitting with Bar Rafaeli. The source went on to say, "Cameron has been showing a lot of interest while he is in London filming. She was back at his rented apartment in Knightsbridge, west London, a couple of times last week after a series of secret dates. They were joking with friends that they played chess together."
As for Jude, Cammy was seen leaving a club with him in London on Sunday night. The same source who is yapping about the Leo shit said that Jude is trying hard to get a chance to pop Cameron's pimples with his wang, "Jude and Cameron have been good friends since they filmed The Holiday together a few years ago. Now they are both single, things are a bit different between them. Jude has been flirting with her and she has been playing along."
You know, I can't help but think at how hot a threesome starring these three would've been like 10 years ago. But now, thinking of Pizza Face Diaz rubbing it on these two just makes me hongray for a salami sandwich on sourdough with extra Thousand Island dressing.
The other night, Jude Law greeted the fans outside of the theater where he's playing Hamlet by bringing his nipples out to say hello. Last night, this stalky-eyed ho wanted an encore performance! Her eyes definitely say "Show Me Da Nipplez." Jude Law was not about to quench her thirst and made sure to not make eye contact. When you make eye contact with a crazy, that's the only sign they need to dry hump your nalgas, burn up your cell phone at all hours and crawl into your bedroom window to watch you sleep. Well played, Jude.
RPattz isn't the only English dude who can bring the horny lunatics to the yard. Jude and RPattz are almost the same! Well, except Jude's magical forest hair doesn't have any unicorns frolicking in it, it isn't made of magic and someone's been chopping through his forest at a record pace. Call Save The Rainforest!
Jude Law's nipples? PRESENT! Jude Law's crotch bulge? PRESENT! Jude Law's new arm tattoos? PRESENT! Jude Law's hairline? Out sick...AGAIN.
Jude Law left a theater in London (where's he performing Hamlet) last night wearing something that he fished out of Adrien Brody or Michael Lohan's closet. At least you know what to get Jude for Xmas now: a gift certificate to International Male.
Methinks Jude was hoping his nipples would be the star of these pictures, but I can only give them second billing. Top billing goes to that hot bitch in the brown sweater/coat thing who could give a (NSFW) walrus' dick about Jude Law. If Jude Law's nipples started whistling "There's a Place in France" which made his crotch snake come out of hiding, she still wouldn't be impressed. I love her. There has to be a grouchy bitch in every crowd or else the crowd cannot exist.
My eyes haven't gotten an erection for Jude Law in a long ass time, so it was a pleasant surprise to feel them perk up while looking at these pictures of him in London last night. Jude is playing Hamlet, but in this version the Danish prince has a puzzle piece hairline. Speaking of, I'm beginning to accept that shit. Now, I'm not going to start a Facebook fan page for his "Lombard Street" hairline anytime soon, but I'd still run my ass all over it.
Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Homey: The Search For Jude Law's Hairline starring Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law isn't hitting theaters until Christmastimes, but there's already a trailer out. Guy Ritchie sold out to the man and the result doesn't look that awful. I mean, this isn't the Sherlock Homey isn't at all likes the books. This has a lot of fighting, hard nipples, lost hairlines, explosions, cliche slow-mo shit and silly British accents! Seriously, his accent is kind of funny. I bet Vadge's roidy-pussay sounds like that when it's had too much champagne. That was Guy's inspiration.
Hopefully, Sherlock Homey won't be the latest in a string of shit shows for Guy Ritchie. Although, Swept Away is still one of my favorite movies to bong too. Try it. Vadge's acting skills paired with some of the sweet green makes for a hilarious fucking experience.
Damn! Jude Law was thisclose to getting his junk handled. This would have completed Crotch Grab Wednesday. But I'm sure that grabby bitch managed to get in a good one without the cameras catching her. And then ten seconds later, the whole joint was flooded in panty pudding. I bet it was like badly mixed butterscotch.
You can't blame that molester. When you're sitting next to Jude Law, you either pour Chia Pet seeds and Miracle-Gro on his head or you scratch and sniff his crotch.
Here's Jude Law at The Box in NYC the other night. Hold up. Hand me my handcuffs. Are those bitches smoking indoors? CITIZEN'S ARREST! No, Jude wasn't hold a ciggie, but he's an accomplice. I'll have to do a cavity search and by that I mean he'll have to do one on me. With his peen. Sorry, Jude. Those are the rules. Don't hate me. Hate Mr. Law Maker Person.
This is Mr. Jude Law as a sexy awesome fierce lady woman in Sally Potter's new movie Rage. Jude plays a supermodel named Minx. Bitch is a sexy minx and he knows it. Look at him. I bet his pussy is puckering.
Sally described the movie: "Part of the subject matter of RAGE is the ugly use of beauty in the pursuit of profit. Drugged by Marketing, sapped by fear of aging, conned by the cult of celebrity… image becomes all. Jude Law, whose beauty has sometimes been held against him as an actor, made the courageous decision to accept the role of Minx - a 'celebrity super-model' and took on a kind of hyper-beauty for this persona… a ‘female’ beauty which gradually unravels as the story unfolds. Strangely, the more he became a ‘she’, coiffed and made-up - the more naked was his performance. There was great strength in his willingness to make himself vulnerable. It was an extraordinarily intense part of the shoot."
Um. Okay. High-art. Oh-so-edgy. I get it. But does Jude show his man pussy in this shit? That's the only question I need answered.
I can't put my finger on who Jude looks like. I'm getting a tinge of Chrissy Hynde flavor with maybe a splash of Joan Jett. But I also see Sandra Bernard in there. Maybe a little Ally Sheedy? It's like he took all those bitches, threw them in the blender, pulsed them down and then covered his body with them.
The wig is a vast improvement. Anything that covers up his dying Chia pet head is a major upgrade. That being said, I'd totally finger his mangina.
Whenever I post pictures of Jude Law I have to comment on the fact that his Chia Pet head is not working anymore. It's just not growing. His front end follicles migrated to his titty area and set up camp there. His fronthead is probably lonely, but at least his nipples have company and that's all that matters really.
Anyway, Jude Law spent his holidays with his ex-wife and kids in Rio, because that's what celebrities do. While everyone is freezing their clits off, they are dipping theirs in margaritas where it's toasty.
Jude and his daughter also did a little snorkeling while there. Let's talk about snorkeling for a quick second. I don't get it. I'd rather just sit on the boat, booze and try to drown out the loud ass crap music they always play on high. I just don't understand why whores bust nuts from looking at some stupid ass fishes! That's what a screensaver is for! I can stare at all the colorful fishies I want without getting saltwater in my mouth. I mean, if I'm going to swallow a huge shot of a salty liquid, I want to hear a bitch scream "Oh baby bitch!" while pulling my hair. I know I'm totally alone on this, because everyone I know loves that shit and they even get all excited when they touch a fish. Bitch, I can touch all the fish I want at fucking Red Lobster!
Vadge's last victim, Robert Downey Jr. and some old timey bank robber all went out together in London last night. The three of these scallywags are working on that Sherlock Holmes movie shit together. Guy's nuts might be growing back, because he was all smiles and held his head up high as they all made their way to a party at the White Cube Gallery. Guy could be all smiley and shit because he's excited about the open bar he's about to attack. Open bars cure almost any problem!
If you've been shot at by your man, lost your corner on the ho stroll and caught your dog doing wet doody times in your favorite shoes all on the same day....none of that matters if you have an open bar in front of you. It's a beautiful thing. Some people go to church or the crack house to ease the pain, I find an open bar!
New boring couple alert! 20-year-old model Lily Cole was caught leaving Jude Law's pad in London yesterday morning after spending the night. What a slut! At least she doesn't have dried man chowder in her hair. That happened to me once and I had to tell everyone it was dried-up "cheap hair gel."
According to the Mirror, Lily has been boinking 35-year-old Jude for the past two weeks.
Last week, creepy-doll-faced Lily and bald-headed Jude went to a Radiohead concert together. A witness said they were surprised to see 5'10" Lily "towering over" Jude. I'm assuming Lily was wearing heels, because Jude is 5'10" himself. Jude is going to have to call up Tommy Girl to get the number for his platform shoe maker.
On Saturday night, the two were spotted having a romantic dinner. A witness said, "There was no blatant kissing but it was obvious they were more than just friends. Jude was being very affectionate and gazing into her eyes." Never trust someone who "gazes" into your eyes. The last dude that "gazed" into my eyes, ended up dognapping my pooch and throwing me out of a moving car. Those types can never be trusted.
Lily and Jude are going to last a quick minute. Jude is a mega man whore to the tenth degree. His heart shouldn't write checks that his dick can't cash! I'm not sure if that made any sense, but leave me alone! It's Monday fucking morning.
Images: Mr. Paparazzi