Animal Stories

 

Leona Helmsley was so damn hot that I can't stand it! That royal bitch left her favorite bitch, Trouble, $12 Million!!! Leona's precious maltese dog was given a trust fund that was made public yesterday. Leon's brother, Alvin Rosenthal, was also given millions and named as Trouble's caretaker. Trouble will also be buried next to Leona in a luxurious mausoleum. The mausoleum must also be steam-cleaned once a year.

 

Leona left $5 Million each to 2 of her four grandchildren, but they must visit their father's grave site once a year or they don't get SHIT! She didn't leave one red cent to her other 2 grandchildren for "reasons they are aware of." Damn, she's so hot! 

 

I never thought in my life that I would have the desire to marry a female let alone a female bitch, but Trouble is just the one for me. We'll have such a beautiful life together Trouble! I'll sniff your butt as much as you want and chew the beedy beeds off your precious hair. 

 

Source

 

 

 

Our canine friends are not having a good year! DMX is the latest celebrity to find himself in a little bit of trouble after police seized several pit bulls yesterday morning in his Phoenix area home. Police also found the remains of 3 other dogs. One dog's remains were burned. On top of all of that they found weapons, drug paraphernalia and cars with unmatching license plates.

 

No charges have been filed, yet.

 

Officials say they visited the home a week ago after a tip. They contacted DMX's lawyer to let him know that if conditions did not improve, they would take the dogs away.

 

DMX whose real name is Earl Simmons apparently hasn't been at that home for a long time. His lawyer said, "Earl had a caretaker, who obviously wasn't taking care. Earl loves those dogs." The lawyer also claims he was never contacted and only heard about the conditions after the raid.

 

If DMX loves those dogs so much why hasn't he seen them in ages? Just saying. Damn, they just need to collect all the celebrity dogs out there. Celebrities cannot take care of dogs in the year 2007. Just not going to happen.

 

I blame Michael Vick! He's talking! First Britney Spears and now DMX!

 

Source

 

 

 

Give it a bone! TMZ reports that the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals showed up at Britney Spears' house regarding word that little dog London broke his leg. They claim that they just wanted to make sure London had a cast on his leg. Nosy!

 

The President of the SPCA said, "We have received various sources of complaints throughout the day. Some said that Britney's Yorkie dog was injured and had a cast on and some said the dog had a broken leg and was not treated. After the calls started pouring in, we did go to Britney's house today [on Mulholland Drive] but were just able to leave a note with the housekeeper. The matter is not if the dog had an accident, but if the dog is getting proper care."

 

Britney wasn't home and they had to go on their merry way! If Annemarie Lucas from Animal Precinct was there she would bulldoze the door down and make sure London's ass was ok. Bitch is hardcore.  

 

Of course he's not getting proper care, but that's besides that point! Anyway, here's a pic of London wearing a cast and Brit's gut hanging over her bagina.  

 

 

 

 

Amy Wino has quit rehab for the second time after she had a fight with her husband, Blake. The Sun reports that Amy and Blake left the The Causeway clinic in Essex on Sunday night  after several screaming matches. Together they called a cab and spent the night in a hotel. 

 

A source said, “It is supposed to be a peaceful backdrop to help people deal with their problems. But Amy and Blake kept rowing and spoiling the ambience.

“While Amy would be welcomed back with open arms, I’m not sure they’d say the same for Blake."

Sources say that Blake is the one causing all the drama and it's always about him. When Amy was in the hospital, he caused shit and when she was in rehab for the first time, he caused shit then too. Her family would apparently like her to go to rehab without Blake and kick him to the gutter.  

Amy is apparently back in London and her friends and family are fearing that she's going to get back into drugs. DUH! Of course she is. She was in the tank for like 3-minutes. She probably did shit in the driveway of the clinic, waiting for the cab.

Amy is an adult and can certainly make her own decisions, but it sounds to me that these bitches probably only get along when they are high. That's usually the case with crackhead lovers.

Bitch needs to drop the man in order to drop the crack.  

Image: Splash

 

 

 

Animal lover, Michael Vick, has accepted a plea deal for dogfighting charges. He will plead guilty to felony conspiracy next Monday. By pleading guilty Michael will dodge a few more charges against him. Prosecutors wanted a prison sentence of 18-36 months. Michael's lawyers were trying to get that down to 24-months max. 

 

Michael's lawyers also wanted to know the future of his NFL career before entering a plea. They are reportedly have talks with the National Football League Commissioner's office about his future.

 

Michael's dogfighting partners have already had their plea deals approved. They apparently helped Michael murder around 8 dogs that weren't performing well in the dogfights.

 

2 years for murdering 8 dogs?! Add a couple of numbers to that and then we're talking.  

 

Ugh, this is such a downer. 

 

His lawyer said, "Mike's accepting full responsibility. He's going to do everything he can personally and professionally to make this situation right."

 

 

 

 

 

File this under: MORONS WITH GUNS. Some Memphis dude left his .22 caliber pistol on a sofa end table. Smart. Well, his Great Dane, King George, accidentially knocked that pistol off the table with his tail forcing the gun to go off and hit his owner in the back at 2:30 in the morning.

 

The dude's fiance really must love him, because she said, "I knew he was smart, I didn't think he was that smart!" How lovely to say that when your man is lying up in the hospital!

 

She says she doesn't blame King George, but fears what might happen to him when her fiance gets out. "I feel for my dog. Now people are really going to notice him."

No charges will be filed and the man is said to be in stable condition.

 

Behold! King George! It sucks that dude got shot and all, but that's what you get for leaving a damn loaded gun laying around!  

 

Source

 

 

 

Oscar the Cat is a resident pussy at a nursing home in Providence, Rhode Island. Staff members at the nursing home claim that Oscar can predict when a patient is going to pass away by curling up next to them in their final hours. Oscar has done this 25 times.

 

Dr. Dosa of the nursing home said, "He doesn't make too many mistakes. He seems to understand when patients are about to die. Many family members take some solace from it. They appreciate the companionship that the cat provides for their dying loved one."

When Oscar starts getting cozy next to a patient, the staff rings up their family and lets them know it's time.

 

That's one deadly pussy!

 

 

 

 

 

Zoey the chihuahua is a bad ass bitch and snake charmer. Zoey from Colorado is being called a hero after she saved the life of a baby! The grandson of Zoey's owner was playing outside when a rattlesnake tried to kill it!

 

Zoey jumped in and took care of the snake. Monty the owner said, "She just knew, she knew the baby was in danger. he didn't know what the rattle sound was, he didn't realize the snake was there."

The snake bit at Zoey, but Monty says she's a "survivor."

 

That bitch is seriously a hot ho. My chihuahua would've sat back, ordered a bag of popcorn and a wine spritzer and watched the entertainment unfold.

 

Tinkerbell would've cheered the snake on. I'm telling you, chihuahua's are lazy ass bitches!  

 

Source

 

 

 

New couple alert! 45-year-old Meg Ryan and 37-year-old Matthew Perry are rumored to be "canoodling" in private. UsWeekly reports that the two are currently involved in a secret yet casual relationship for 5 months.

 

An inside source said, "Neither knows where it's going, but they love being together and are having fun."

 

This makes sense, but I'm a little worried for Mattey. I mean he's off of the drugs and kissing Meg Ryan is bound to leave you drunk from the fumes. Homewoman's face is like a plastic factory.