Tranny Mess

The world revealed the new James Bond at tonight's Casino Royale premiere in London. Daniel Craig and his fug face showed up. All I want to know is if the stick is big. He should've shown up with a bag over his head and his pants around his ankles. I mean really, talk about selfish! The English glitterati or something were out in full force.

Daniel brought his beautiful girlfriend! Eva Green, the newest Bond girl, showed up looking like an Eastern European, tranny madam.

Chris Cornell, who sings the painful theme song and his wife showed up in the midst of death threats. Shirley Bassey showed the young hoes how it's really done. Elton John and David Furnish got even gayer, as if that's possible.

I hate the Fab Five, but Jacko needs them bad. Brown nails and a bad wig? I mean, if you're going to prance around like a damn woman at least look like a hot one. He needs to figure out this wig situation and get him some Lee press-ons to cover up that filth. Sick. He also needs to wax the facial hair and get some new make-up. He's not wearing his season. I'm guessing he's a Winter.

Anyway, JackHO is in London to perform at the World Music Awards tomorrow night at Earls Court and by "perform" I mean..FREAK SHOW y'all!!!

He has taken up two floors of the Hempel Hotel at a cost of about $150,000 a night. Isn't this bitch broke? His 25-person entourage includes Blanket and his other children. He also demanded that all the candles be removed from the children's bedrooms, because he doesn't want a fire to break out aka he doesn't want anyone to see him touching them...JOKING! God, calm down.

UPDATE: Reader Paula, thinks homegirl might have cancer. Apparently, chemo causes your nails to turn brown. He is wearing a wig too. Hmm...interesting.

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Pics Source: Splash

Foofy Foofy aka Flava Flav brought Deelishis as his date to the BET Hip Honors in Atlanta tonight. I guess this means they are sort of still together. I would think now that Deelishis is Foofy's main tranny, she would be wearing something a little more expensive looking. I mean...you don't have to buy your clothes at the swap meet anymore girl. This frock looks like it was made with material from Party World. Deelishis have your man sell his gold teeth to buy you a decent dress.

At last night's Black Ball in NYC, Kimora Lee Simmons emptied what brain she has left into the hands of her ex, Russell "Turtle" Simmons. I mean...bitch is trying act all classy and shit...and she does this? Furthermore, I thought these two were done? Ugh, this whole situation confuses me. A tranny, a turtle, brains on the red carpet...ugh it's just too much for a Friday night. Peace.

Pics: Splash

Is it at all possible that Jodie Marsh has a stylist? If it is possible then is it possible that her stylist is a gay tiger with the shakes? I mean...who on Earth would put on this hideous mixture? Leave it to this piece of trash to figure something out of an old pair of overalls and disgarded lingerie from the discount bin at Frederick's. Anyway, she put this mess together at the DVD launch for Grease. I think she's supposed to be like a sexy mechanic from the Amazon. Homegirl needs to be put away.

She attended the party with some fag named Ricky Parfitt Jr. I mean even if he isn't gay, his name is. Jodie has terrible wonky eye, but that's from a load in the eye earlier in the evening.

Don't worry, Sharon Stone and Kimora Simmons are not new BFFs, they are both helping to fight AIDS by partying the night away with Duran Duran. The amfAR Benefit and auction with Duran Duran was held last night in NYC at Cipriani. Sharon Stone hosted the event. Kimora was there to be annoying.

Riddle me this, is that real fur Sharon is wearing? She's not with AIDS, but is ok with animals dying? Anyway, she should save an animal and wear Kimora's wig. I'm going to assume it's fake.

The one thing that isn't fake is Kimora's dick!

Pamela Anderson is currently in Vancouver filming “Blonde and Blonder” with Denise Richards. The film is being described as a female “Dumb and Dumber.” So, I’m guessing it’s a documentary? Anyway, she only agreed to star in the movie if her pet turtle was fake.

She said, "My pet is a turtle in the movie - animatronics of course. No real turtles are being used. No animals at all. It's an animal friendly set. That battle was won. Thank you."

Pet turtles everywhere are boycotting the movie, because Pam screwed them out of a job.

PS – At least Pam is being conscience now and covering up her fug face when her picture is being taken. That’s very nice of her and for some reason I really like Denise Richards. Cold hard (and used) bitches need to stick together.

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Parasite Hilton famously started dating Nachos right after he dated Mary-Kate Olsen. Nicky Hilton is taking a cue from her skank sister and has recently started dating one of Ashley Olsen's exes. Nicky has been seen out with David Katzenburg. A source said, "They have gone to dinner but have not hit the clubs together. They are trying to keep it quiet for a little bit and keep it on the sly."

Nicky recently broke-up with "Entourage" star Kevin Connolly after he cheated on her fug ass. It still boggles my mind when men actually want to date Nicky. She is straight-up wretched. Imagine her without expensive clothes and make-up. Seriously.

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David Hasselhoff will put on a sparkly gown in the Las Vegas production of The Producers. The show will start performances in January of 2007 at the Paris Casino. The Hoff will play the role of Roger DeBris. He has previously starred as the title role in Jekyll and Hyde and Billy Flynn in Chicago, both on Broadway.

Mel Brooks made this statement, "I'm overjoyed that David Hasselhoff is going to play Roger DeBris in the Las Vegas production of The Producers. He has an incredible comedic timing, terrific musical theatre experience and a stage presence that I think will be a perfect marriage with the role. And by the way, he has great legs for that dress."

Tickets prices will rape you at $143.50 a pop! No thanks! Those whores better pay me to see his ass in a damn dress! The sick thing is he’s probably going to love the feel of that silky material. I hope the dresser knows how to get out “Hoff” stains.

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Ivana Trump was escorted out of Saturday night’s star-studded Carousel of Hope Ball in Beverly Hills for being a drunk wreck! Sources say that she was extremely intoxicated and collapsed into a comatose state when she reached her hotel. Friends were scared for the luscious woman’s state of health and called the paramedics.

Tee totaling Trump has had booze problems in the past. She apparently sought treatment earlier this year.

There’s nothing I love more than a drunken, woman of a certain age with a hardcore Eastern European accent. She probably flashed her moldy breasts at the doorman too.

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