During an American Airlines flight from Los Angeles to JFK, the spirit of Whitney Houston took over the body of a passenger who couldn't stop singing Dolly Parton's "I Will Always Love You (in the style of Nippy)." Another passenger told CNN that the song "I Will Always Love You" is forever embedded deep into their brain, because Nippy 2.0 would not stop telling the entire plane through song that she loved them. Nippy 2.0 did not stop spitting out tattered musical notes from her mouth and it got so annoying that they had to stop in Kansas City to hand her over to the police. (Note to self: If I'm ever on a flight from LAX to JFK and want to eat some Kansas City ribs, just start singing some Whitney Houston shit until they escort me off the plane.)
A rep for the Kansas City International Airport told CNN, "The passenger was detained, not arrested, and then released pending further investigation by the TSA (Transportation Safety Administration) and federal air marshals. I can confirm that she was singing 'I Will Always Love You' as she was escorted off the plane."
The rep didn't say if the passenger went full Whitney by screaming "BOBAAAAAAY B" in the hallways before asking hos to pop her doody bubble.
The passenger told authorities that she has diabetes and that's why she freaked out. If you're side-eyeing that "diabetes" excuse, let me side-eye you right back. Because one time my grandmother's blood sugar levels got low and she opened the kitchen cabinets and started throwing food everywhere. So it happens.
And since when can you not take pictures on the plane? When a plane makes an emergency landing in Kansas City because a mile high songbird won't stop belting out a Dolly Parton song, everyone's going to pull out their phones to document it. Doesn't that flight attendant know what world she lives in?
There are many things that Cissy Houston hates like Bobby Brown, the thought of Whitney Houston clit wrestling with her best friend, lesbian stuff and gay stuff, but what she really hates is the invitation she got in the mail for Clive Davis' pre-Grammy party on Saturday night. Whitney Houston died hours before Clive Davis' annual party last year and this year he's paying tribute to her at his party and invited the entire Houston family. Gary Houston, the brother who said to Whitney many years ago, "Whitney, meet crack, crack meet Whitney," is going to the party, but Cissy Houston is not. Cissy Houston tells Access Hollywood that she was so offended by Clive's invitation that she clutched her pearls, slapped a grandchild and ripped off her wig (and Cissy doesn't even wear a wig!). Cissy said she'll never go to a party at the same hotel where her daughter died.
“I got an invitation to the party — which is the most obscene thing. I don’t know why they would want me to come to the party in which she died, you know? Unheard of. I guess maybe he just sent me a copy for remembrance sake.”
So let's see...
Clive Davis inviting Cissy Houston to his party = OBSCENE! UNHEARD OF! TRASHY! DISGUSTING!
Cissy Houston making money off of a tell-all about her daughter's life = none of those words above
Got it, Cissy!
And here's Cissy at the unveiling of four new wax statues of Whitney Houston at Madam Tussauds in NYC yesterday.
Cissy Houston Doesn't Like Bobby Brown And Doesn't Like The Thought Of Whitney Lezzing Out With Her Best Friend
On Oprah's Next Chapter last night, the Houston family matriarch pimped out her book on all things Whitney Houston and Oprah asked for her thoughts on a few rumors about her late daughter. Oprah brought up a part in Cissy's book where she talks about Whitney's relationship with best friend Robyn Crawford. Whitney was the Oprah to Robyn's Gayle King and there were rumors that the two bumped 'ginas under the moonlight and were in love for many years. Cissy writes that she knew about the speculation that Whitney and Robyn were gayelle lovers and when The Mighty O asked her if she believed the rumors, she said this:
"I don't really know. I thought, I didn't particularly like her. She just spoke too disrespectful sometimes, like she had something over Nippy. I didn't like that at all. She was alright. She turned out to be alright, I guess. That was her friend."
Cissy told Nippy that she didn't like Robyn and didn't want her hanging around Robyn, but Nippy did anyway. Cissy knew that Nippy's heart wrapped around Robyn's heart, but she didn't know for sure if her mouth ever wrapped around Robyn's love box. Oprah asked Cissy if it would've bothered her if Nippy was a lesbian and she didn't flinch when she said, "Absolutely." Oprah seemed surprised and asked the question again using different words. Cissy once again said that she wouldn't have liked it and wouldn't have condoned it.
Cissy's eyes when she said that! She didn't even flinch. It's like her eyes said "No, I wouldn't have liked it if they were straight dykin" and "Yes, I can smell Gayle's poon on your breath, Oprah, and I don't like that either!" Cissy is super into all things Jesus and is older than Methuselah, so it's not surprising that she wouldn't have embraced Whitney's gayelleness. But then when Oprah asked Cissy if she was happy when Bobby Brown came along, she said, "No." Cissy Houston hates Bobby Brown too.
Then when Oprah brought out a giant cupcake with sprinkles on it and asked Cissy if she liked that, Cissy said, "No." Oprah tried something different and brought out a pink basket full of fluffy kittens wearing tiny hats and asked Cissy if she liked that, Cissy said, "No."
CISSY HOUSTON HATES EVERYTHING!
And during the interview, Whitney's brother Michael confessed that he's the one who introduced her to crack, not Bobby Brown. When Oprah asked Cissy if she likes crack, Cissy said....you know the rest.
The audience sitting in the first few rows at the Billboard Music Awards last night witnessed a dramatic mess of a show when Whitney Houston's sister-in-law and former manager, Pat Houston, caused a scene by trying to get security to psychically remove Ray-J's ass from his seat. Ray-J was seated near the Houston family including Bobbi Kristina, and Pat wasn't having any of that. TMZ says that Pat believes Ray-J was a shit influence on Whitney and wanted him far, far away from the Houston family. Just like Ray-J'z boomerang dick when it gets caught on a cervix, he was not pulling out easily. Ray-J refused to move.
Just a quick minute before the Whitney Houston tribute started, Pat waved at security to move Ray-J. When Ray-J refused to move, Pat got a few uniformed officers involved and told them to use their arms to put Ray-J up out of his seat. Security and the officers told Pat that if they put their hands on Ray-J, it could explode into a huge scene and the cameras would catch all of it. So Pat let it go and Ray-J stayed in his seat.
I haven't heard much about Pat Houston, but from what I have heard it sounds like bitch could out-leach Ray-J any day of the week. I don't like Ray-J, because his piss stream christened the S.S. Kardashian Fame Whore Ship and he always wears sunglasses at night like he's someone (see him with Sophie Monk below), but trying to evict him from his seat is just stupid. It's the Billboard Music Awards! It's not that serious. The only reason to pull Ray-J off his seat is if seat filler extraordinaire Phoebe Price needed one.
Pat was probably just worried that Ray-J's dumb ass would get more camera time than her. But don't worry, Pat made sure that wasn't going to happen by escorting Bobbi Kristina up on stage to accept her mother's award.
If anybody should be up there with Bobbi Kristina, it should be Cousin Dionne! But maybe Cousin Dionne was outside, slathering Vaseline on her face while waiting to jump Ray-J.
Bobby Brown is shaking head "no" to the gossip that he's the one who introduced Whitney Houston's nostrils to the bad shit. Bobby B told Matt Lauer on Today this morning that bitches shouldn't put the blame on him for getting Whit hooked on drugs, because she was already in deep before he came into her world. Before Bobby met Whitney, the hardest stuff he put in his body was weed smoke and beer. Whitney's the one who brought narcotics into his life, not the other way around. My eyes are rolling so hard that I can't focus on pulling the showmethereceipts.gif out of my archives, so can you do it for me? Yes, but I can roll my eyes and type at the same time. It's something I learned during cunty bloggers class at The Learning Annex.
Bobby told Matt that Whitney's issue with addiction started before him. Bobby says, "I didn't get high before I met Whitney. I smoked weed, um, I dranked beer, but I wasn't the one that got Whitney on drugs.... I worried about it when we first got together until I tried it. And when I tried it, for some reason I have an addictive personality. It's unexplainable. But no, I wasn't the one who got her addicted to drug. I'm not the reason she's gone."
Bobby also said that he had "14 beautiful years" with Whitney, but their reality show Being Bobby Brown opened up both of their eyes to how messed up they looked to everybody else. That convinced Bobby to get clean.
I'm not one of those bitches who blames Bobby for Whitney's death or thinks he was the cause of all her addictions. Whitney and Bobby's relationship was toxic for the both of them. Their relationship was like felching someone who just ate a whole bag of prunes. It wasn't going to end well. That being said, Bobby is not sitting there, on a talk show, acting like he was the innocent one. Of course Bobby says this after the fact. Bitch, stop.
May an unpoppable doody bubble haunt Bobby's ass for the rest of his days.
I'm not paging Detective La Toya to get to the bottom of EVERYTHING. I'm paging Detective La Toya so she can throw a net over Bobby Brown's sister and drag that trick to the Ho Sit Down section of the auditorium. Please and gracias.
Two seconds after Whitney Houston died, Bobby Brown's sister Leolah Brown started wrapping her mouth around every reporter's mic. So of course, two seconds after the L.A. County Coroner's office said that Whitney died of an accidental drowning possibly caused by heart failure and cocaine use, Leolah Brown wrapped her mouth around Dr. Drew's mic last night to say she knew it all along. Leolah thinks Ray J gave Whitney a bag of the bad shit that was extra bad. Detective La Toya, this bitch ain't:
"When I first seen this and saw the news, and I saw, I'm sorry, please excuse me, I just have to come out and say this. I saw Ray J coming out of the hotel, hiding his head, being pushed into the car... Why? I looked and I said, 'Why is he hiding? Why is he hiding his face?' He's always trying to show his face when he's around Whitney. Why now? Why are you trying to hide now, Ray J? And I put it altogether. When I first heard that she passed away I said, 'My God, somebody gave her a bad bag.' Yes, I promise you. That was the first thing that came out of my mouth."
Correction, Leolah. The first thing that came out of your mouth was, "Hello, National Enquirer? Before we get started, let me give you the address of the Western Union closest to me..."
Ray J tells TMZ that the shit Leolah is claiming is impossible. Ray J didn't even know Whitney was on the bad shit again and he says he was in San Diego the day she died.
This is like shades of Michael Jackson all over again. I can't trust Ray J, because his dick can't even look me in the eye. I can't trust Leolah, because I'm pretty sure she stole that headband from my sister who bought it in 1991 at a Judy's. The only thing I can trust is to never use Ray J as my runner boy, but I already knew that. And yes, when this bitch said "bad bag" I totally pictured THIS.
"Accidental drowning, heart disease and doing the bad shit" is what is going down as the official cause of death on Whitney Houston's death certificate. The L.A. County Coroner's office released their official report to the media today and in it they say that Whitney accidentally drowned in the bath tub at the Beverly Hilton. The Coroner adds that the effects of atherosclerotic heart disease and snorting Lohan powder also contributed to her death.
In addition to the cocaine, Benadryl, weed, Xanax and Flexeril were also found in her system, but they didn't have anything to do with the reason for why she floated off to heaven. TMZ is hearing from some source close to the investigation that it's possible Whitney had a heart attack brought on by coke use that caused her to lose consciousness and drown. Investigators never found coke in Whitney's room. Insert rayjitwasntme.gif here.
UPDATE: Ray J tells TMZ that he's not looking to sell a treasure trove of sex tapes he made with Whitney, because those sex tapes don't exist. And now, we can all truly exhale.
Seeing Ray J's boomerang-shaped dick go in and out of Kim Kardashian as she lazily moaned like a zombie seal falling in and out of a coma has filled me with enough images of his crooked ass peen to last me the rest of my lifetime. Seriously, I'm good. But Radar says that the world's eyes might get poked by Ray J's black snake moan again if he gets his way and somehow posthumously releases a collection of fuck tapes he made with Whitney Houston. Whitney was a not-so-closet freak and so it's not actually surprising to hear that she let the camera roll as she left her doody bubble on Ray J's dick tip. The source tells Radar that Whitney's family has begged Ray J to keep that shit to himself, but because he's a piece of shit leech who is still sucking the life out of Nippy even though she's in the grave, he's itching to sell. The source put it like this:
"[The Houston family has] been in contact with Ray and told him they do not want any photos or videos painting her in a bad light to come out. [They] explained to Ray that now is the time to honor Whitney, not drag her legacy down.
[Ray J's] been stalling to sell, or hand them over, them to Whitney’s family, because he knows he’s sitting on a gold mine.”
This is gross, disgusting, trashy, horrible, blasphemous, deplorable, indecent and I think the best way for all of us to handle this news is by coming up with titles for the sex tape! Let's play. I'll go first:
The Bootyguard (obviously)
Waiting to Sexhale
It's Not Right, But I'll Still Fuck It
Didn't We Almost Deep Throat It All?
Kizz (Lick and Stick It In) My Azz!
You Give Good Head
Hard-On Break Hotel
I Will Always Love You Long Time
Greatest Poon of All
I Have Nothing, Nothing, Nothing, If I Don't Have Peen
Where Do Broken Condoms Go
Saving All My Tongue For You
I Wanna Fuck With Somebody
Why Does It Hurt So Bad
There, that should be enough to get me to the middle of the waiting line for the Chinatown bus to the Hell. Your turn!
Some said that it was way too soon for Oprah to interview Bobbi Kristina, but O's response was that she only did so to show the world the real Nippy. Can somebody lend me their eyeballs, because mine just rolled right out of their sockets (thank everything for Braille keyboards) after Oprah said that shit. O, please, that interview was a bailing bucket scooping water out of the sinking ego ship that is the S.S. OWN.
Anyway, Bobbi Kristina said that the day before Nippy floated up to heaven (where the angels can pop a stubborn doody bubble with a simple air kiss blown to the butt), she slept in her mother's arms for hours. A day after Whitney's death, Bobbi Kristina couldn't bring herself to go back to her mother's house in Atlanta until Nippy's voice told her it was okay. Since then, the spirit of Nippy has stayed with Bobbi Kristina and even turns on the lights for her like a paranormal Clapper.
“Especially throughout the house, lights turning off and on. And I’ll say, ‘Mom, what are you doing?’
I can hear her voice in spirit talking to me, 'Keep talking to me. I got you.' She's always with me. I can always feel her. I can always feel her with me. She always asked me,'Do you need me?' And I caught myself, out of nowhere, I didn't even know I said it, I said, 'I'll always need you.' "
Bobbi Kristina plans to continue her mother's legacy (insert the joke that I KNOW is in your head here) by singing, acting, dancing and starting a foundation for doody bubble sufferers everywhere. TMZ says that Bobbi Kristina is also planning to shit the "Brown" out of her name and legally change it to Kristina Houston.
I totally take comforting in knowing that there's a mansion in Atlanta where I can close my eyes and open my ears to hear the ghost of Nippy screaming "KIZZ MY AZZ" through the halls, but Oprah and Bobbi Kristina didn't talk about the number one question that floated in my head while watching this shit. That question was: Why the fuck did this interview take place in the damn kitchen?! And don't answer with another "mmm hmmmm mmm," Oprah!
Before Whitney Houston's funeral started, Bobby Brown and a few members of the Houston family argued because he brought an entourage of 9 even though only he plus two guests were invited. The family told him that 7 of his guests would have to leave since the church was already over capacity, but just like a stubborn doody bubble that refuses to pop, Bobby got mad.
A source tells TMZ that Bobby wanted to sit next to his daughter Bobbi Kristina in the front row, but Whitney's family wasn't about to let that happen. The family never told Bobby to leave, but he left on his own since his 9 guests weren't allowed to sit in the family section . The family did let Bobby pay his respects before getting into his SUV and driving away. Bobby was inside of the church for around 15 minutes.
Why does Bobbaaaaaay B always have to stir the shit? Bobby is such fucking drama. What doesn't he understand about the number 2? You can't magically turn a 2 into a 9 by erasing its tail and giving it a head. It's still a 2! I swear. Bobby is like that uncle who comes to your family gatherings with 15 friends and ignores the stank eye you throw at him as every single one of his party-crashing guests make themselves a plate. I'll tell Bobby the same thing my aunt tells my uncle's friends, "There's only enough El Pollo Loco for us, so go buy your own!"
UPDATE: Bobby tells ABC News that security caused the drama and so he left before a scene went down.
“My children and I were invited to the funeral of my ex-wife Whitney Houston. We were seated by security and then subsequently asked to move on three separate occasions. I fail to understand why security treated my family this way and continue to ask us and no one else to move. Security then prevented me from attempting to see my daughter Bobbi-Kristina. In light of the events, I gave a kiss to the casket of my ex-wife and departed as I refused to create a scene. My children are completely distraught over the events. This was a day to honor Whitney. I doubt Whitney would have wanted this to occur. I will continue to pay my respects to my ex-wife the best way I know how.”