Ivanka Trump

In a hospital suite somewhere in Manhattan, a newborn baby is learning about one of the world's grossest mysteries for the very first time. I'm talking about the hairy barf ball on Donald Trump's head. Because Donald's oldest daughter Ivanka Trump birthed out her and her husband's first baby in NYC yesterday. When Ivanka was born, Donald threw a "ka" after her mother's name, Ivana, so I hoped she would do the same thing by naming her daughter Ivankaka. That didn't happen. On Fox & Friends (via Gossip Cop) this morning, Donald gave up the name of his latest grandchild.

“I just left the hospital… The baby is beautiful and her name is Arabella Rose.”

"....and don't worry, I saw the birth certificate. Ba da bump."

Now, can we fast forward into the future to see the fried shit look on Jabba the Trump's face when his granddaughter Arabella Rose announces that she and her lesbian lover Vivienne Rose O'Donnell have decided to name their first born Obama Rosie O'Donnell Trump.

Donald Trump is about to become a grandfather again, because his daughter Ivanka Trump dropped the news on Twitter that her uterus has hired a fetus and she and her husband Jared Kushner are expecting their first kid together.

I have been wanting to share some amazing news with you all for some time... I'm pregnant! Jared and I couldn't be more excited.
44 minutes ago via web

Finally, we'll get a celebrity baby with the name Alistair Heisley or Bunny Winchester. A name that will push your nose up when it comes out of your mouth. And speaking of noses, I really hope that Baby Alistair Heisley Trump-Kushner gets Ivanka's original nose and her father's combover.

Ivanka's disappearing nose is totally going to come in handy when her baby arrives on Earth. Ivanka will never smell baby diarrhea or mashed banana barf since her nostrils are the size of a Smurf's urethra.

via Star Magazine

Ivanka Trump sends some poor fuck to Madame Tussaud’s in NYC to touch up her wax figure's nail polish. Ivanka apparently likes to keep her wax figure looking fresh and so she sends an assistant weekly to do it. Madame Tussaud said Ivanka does send over nail polish, but they weren't sure if she sends an assistant over to do it.

Imagine having to give a manicure to a fucking wax figure. They went to college for that? I would probably lift up the wax figure's dress and write "I'm a dumb skank bitch" on her ass. It would also get confusing, because Ivanka herself looks like a wax figure.

I think we've got a new Donald on our hands. Ivanka's going to be calling Rosie O'Donnell a "fat, useless slob" any day now.

Why does Andy Dick keep trying to prove he's into chicks? While on the Jimmy Kimmel show, Andy Vagina was thrown off the set after he wouldn't stop touching Ivanka Trump. She probably has warts on the leg now. I mean, she doesn't have a dick Andy! He needs to stop pretending he likes to lick the cat.

Ivana Trump was escorted out of Saturday night’s star-studded Carousel of Hope Ball in Beverly Hills for being a drunk wreck! Sources say that she was extremely intoxicated and collapsed into a comatose state when she reached her hotel. Friends were scared for the luscious woman’s state of health and called the paramedics.

Tee totaling Trump has had booze problems in the past. She apparently sought treatment earlier this year.

There’s nothing I love more than a drunken, woman of a certain age with a hardcore Eastern European accent. She probably flashed her moldy breasts at the doorman too.

Source

Dlisted reader, RCameron pointed out a little bulge in Rosario's gown. I'm sure it's just some air down there, but it looks like a straight-up dick! Anyway, the bitch on the right is Ivanka Trump and although I used to think she was hotter than hot...I'm not so sure now. The pictures below are from her birthday party at Pure (ugh, so cliche) and although she's a pretty girl, there's just something about her that rings false. Oh and homegirl can't dress.