Jordan & Harvey

I apologize for this close-up, but I had to show you how naturally pretty skanks completely bust up their faces by asking their make-up artist for "The Xtina." Katie Price looks like she was gang banged by a make-up counter. This shit is only okay for tranny clowns and drag queens from the 80s.

Katie, her 200lbs of make-up and her big gay husband had reason to celebrate today. A court in London awarded them an undisclosed amount of cash and a public apology from The News of the World. The tabloid published a story from their ex-nanny, Becky Gauld. The story labeled the two drag queens as bad parents.

Katie told reporters outside of court, "Pete and I love our kids and would do anything for them. We came here today to see that justice was done and that our names were cleared. Now that the paper has accepted the story wasn't true, apologised to us, and paid us damages and our costs, we believe the record has been set straight and our names have been cleared." How the hell can she open her mouth and speak those words with all that shit on her face!? I'm impressed.

They said half of the money would go to charity and the other half would go into a trust fund for their three kids. I'm guessing the charity is "The Pasty White People In Need Of A Fake Tan Foundation."

Katie Price (the whorebag formerly known as Jordan) and Peter Andre's CD of love songs has gone to the birds! The Sun found 40,000 copies of the CD covered in bird shit.

This is what these two homos deserves! They ruined some of our beloved classics! I mean, they covered "Don't Go Breaking My Heart," "I've Had The Time Of My Life" and "Islands in the Stream." That is a gay crime!

The bitch that found this shit said, "I thought I’d stumbled on a stash of Coldplay’s new album ready for sending out, so I was gutted when I saw it was some rubbish Jordan and Peter Andre tried to get in the charts. Many of the CDs were covered in bird crap and had gone mouldy."

Those birds should really get jobs as critics for Billboard. They know their shit!

Below is Katie and Peter singing "A Whole New World" live. Katie seriously has the voice of an angel......slowly being strangled.

Peter Andre said that he desperately wants to adopt his stepson, Harvey Price. Harvey's bio-father, Dwight Yorke, has hardly been around and I'm sure Harvey is over that bitch. Peter has helped Katie Price raise little Harvey for the past few years.

He told The Sun, "I'd love to adopt Harvey. If I was allowed, I would love to. It's a big process and not that easy. It's something I would definitely love to achieve in the next couple of years. He IS my son - he's mine."

Guess what Petey? You're not allowed. I already have dibs. My name is at the top of the waiting list. Seriously, Harvey should ditch both those loons and move to Hollywood! The movie industry is in dire need of a leading man like Harvey.

And what does Harvey have to say about Peter wanting to adopt him? Harvey responded with, "FUCK OFF!" I totally overuse that clip, but I can't help it. I'm fucking obsessed with hit.

This is exactly why Harvey Price is my favorite person on this planet. Don't tell me this was an accident either. Harvey meant to flip off the camera because he doesn't appreciate Jordan whoring him out like this without paying up!

Harvey and Latarian Milton need to team up and do "hoodrat stuff" together. The world would never be the same if these bad asses joined forces.

Visit Celebrity Baby Scoop to see more pictures of Harvey and his family in OK! Magazine.

And just because, below is a touching video of Harvey showing his love for Peter Andre. I've posted this shit before, but it's a classic.

Thanks Missy

The other day I said Katie Price looks like a burnt-up Elvira. I guess I'm not the only one that thinks this, because she's reportedly in talks to play Elvira in a new movie. The Daily Star reports that the original Elvira, Cassandra Peterson, has been in talks to do a remake of Elvira: Mistress of the Dark, but she doesn't want to do it herself. Producers now want Katie Price to do it.

A source said, "It's a very good time to be British in Hollywood and you can't fail to notice Jordan - she knows how to shine." The bitch only shines because of ten layers of fake tanner and a few dozen more layers of bronzer.

The source went on to say, "Everyone was at a loss until they spotted Jordan on a gossip website. She just looks perfect and then they discovered she has a penchant for one-liners. She will have to lose the tan, though. And Cassandra's Elvira worked because of the mixture of her dark image and her Valley Girl wit - so Kate will have to learn an American accent."

Why the hell did I waste hours of my life on "The Search for the Next Elvira" if they aren't even going to use the chick that won?

The Elvira movie is one of the biggest pieces of caca ever made, but I still can't find the strength to turn the channel when it comes on late at night.

Here's some pics of Katie, Princess Tiaaamamaiaia (however the hell her name is spelled) and the biggest homo in the world leaving Los Angeles for Florida on Friday night.

Orange chicken! Panda Express is such trash, but I ate that shit almost every day when I lived in California. I know it's basically a plate of MSG, but it's delicious. I once met this bitch in a bar who was a manager at Panda Express and they told me to stop eating there. When I asked why they wouldn't answer. That's not a good sign. They probably use rat shit in their beef broccoli. Who cares? Pour some MSG on that rat shit and if tastes delicious, I will eat it. You only live once, so you might as well eat tasty shit.

Katie Price enjoyed what our good country has to offer while shopping at the Beverly Center. You know the bitch thinks it's some authentic Chinese food. She probably asked if she could give her regards to the chef. They handed her a bag of MSG.

Here's more pics of Katie looking like a burnt-up Elvira and a few shots of her gay husband.

This is definitely the outfit you wear to go and buy some Huggies at CVS. How I wish Katie Price would have worn this outfit while strolling down Sunset Blvd. Prostitutes would have beat the orange off of her for trying to work their track. Has Katie met Brit Brit yet since she's been in Los Angeles? Something tells me they would be BFFs. They both like to wear inappropriate outfits to the drugstore.

Below are also some pics of Katie's big gay husband going jogging yesterday. I take that back. No self-respecting gay would look like that mess.

I feel all itchy just looking at these pictures of Princess Tiaamii with chicken pox. Although, last night's activities could be the reason for my itchiness. I'll discuss with the Rite-Aid pharmacist later.

Anyway, even though Tiaamii is looked miserable, Katie Price and Peter Andre could not miss an opportunity for a little pap action. Tia would rather be home in a tub, catching up on her stories than gallivanting around town with these two baffoons.

They spent their day lunching at The Ivy and shopping at Kitson. Their fun was cut short, because they had to rush Tiaamii to the clinic. They probably barely realized she had chicken pox. They are too busy focusing on their orange asses.

Katie and Peter are currently in Los Angeles for three weeks while they film their reality show. Harvey is apparently also there, but I haven't seen his ass! He's too busy working on his modeling career.

I seriously have the itchies now. Gross. Excuse me while I douse myself in powder.

Katie Price and Peter Andre should not have been allowed into this country without Harvey in tow. That should be illegal. It's not right.

Anyway, these two terra cotta pots landed at LAX last night with Junior and Princess Tiaamii. I don't know if it was Katie and Peter's intention, but every time I read that poor child's name, I can only think of some Disney princess singing about birds and shit. That girl has to grow up to be a Disney princess or I just don't know.

While the whole family is in America, Harvey better be raising hell in the Andre mansion. He must take revenge for being left in England. Harvey is the one that should be trying to conquer America, not their orange asses!

More like snatch of the day.... Throw the dirty fish back in the water! Katie Price turned up to a signing for her new children's book "Mermaids and Pirates" today dressed like a drag queen doing their worst Daryl Hannah in Splash impersonation.

I didn't know there was that much rayon left in the world!

This morning I wrote about John Travolta getting all wet over "The Little Mermaid." Now we have a good example of what he looks like when he dresses up like his cartoon idol.