Big Ones

35-year-old Jonah Falcon from NYC is famous for having a big dick. Literally. He has been on Howard Stern several times, Rolling Stone did an article on him and he was in an HBO documentary.

Unfortunately, Jonah sees his 13.5 inch penis as a curse. Jonah claims to have had sex with hundreds of chicks and dudes. He's bi. He also lives with his mother and has never really had a steady relationship. He's tired of being used for his big dick.

He told The Sun, "When I meet people they find it hard to look me in the eye, they just see what’s in my trousers. It’s become a real problem. When I was younger I went out in tight pants and would sleep with a different person every night, but I became burned out and disillusioned."

“My last relationship ended in 1996. Now I just want to find a steady girlfriend who doesn’t think I’m a freak show.”

Huh? What did he say? I was too busy thinking about his big dick. Jonah's dick measures 13.5 inches when it's erect and 9 inches when it's not.

Click here to see a pic of Jonah's enormous member. It's NSFW.

In my experience big dicks always look good on paper. When you get right down to the nitty gritty, it's not all fun and games anymore. A lot of huge ones never get hard. You can suck on that crap until your jaw falls off, but it always remains in this weird hard-soft stage. It's also not fun getting that crap inside the pie hole if I ain't being too subtle. Too much work if you ask me.

That being said, I'd totally hop on the Jonah Express. It might make my ass explode, but it would be worth it. Telling the 911 operator that my ass exploded would make it worth it.

Thanks Gartrip

In his new autobiography, "Ron Jeremy: The Hardest (Working) Man in Showbiz," porn star Ron Jeremy confirms that Paris Hilton once asked him if she could see his famous peen. At a party 3 years ago in Hollywood Paris and Bijou Phillips asked Ron if they could see it. He told them, "I'll show you mine, and you show me yours."
Of course they agreed and the three went into the bathroom where they showed their parts. The girls lifed up their shirts and Ron dropped his pants. Bijou then turned to Paris and said, "'Could this be considered cheating?' "

Ron said that was it and they each went on their merry way. As if. You know Bijou went for the nuts and Paris went for the truck. It's like giving two dogs a bone. Literally!

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A few months ago piece of grease, Vincent Gallo, offered himself for $50,000. He considered this a bargain, because he's so hot. Well...he's now upped his price even though nobody took advantage of this deal of a lifetime. He's now offering himself for $100,000 plus expenses.

He said, "Heavy-set, older red-heads and even black chicks can have me if they can pay the bill. No real female will be refused. However, I highly frown upon any male having even the slightest momentary thought or wish that they could ever become my client. No way, José."

Vincent also advised women interested in this deal to watch his film "The Brown Bunny" where he shows his wang to make sure they can take his girth. In the movie Vincent famously gets serviced by Chloe Sevigny. Dumb ho even swallows his load like the used trash can she is. Click here to see Vincent's amazing man meat. It's as appetizing as a rotted Vienna sausage.

Oh and he's still selling his sperm for $1 million. Please, this caca for brains is just trying to get some attention. By saying "even black girls and red-heads," he's obviously trying to start something. That being said, I'd hit it.

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Damn! Damn! Damn! Brian Austin Green aka David Silver aka Horse Hung is off the market. Well, legally anyway. He is in the process of getting married to Megan Fox. The two have been together for two years. Brian, 33, and Megan, 20, have not set a date and may possibly elope.

David has a kid with Vanessa Marcil aka Brenda from General Hospital.

I only care, because Brian is said to be packing large. Otherwise, he's a douche. Megan Fox is kind of hot though. I will cut her though. Nothing comes between me and ten inches. Well, maybe a cheese pretzel.

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Is the new James Bond, Daniel Craig, sporting a huge one? His “Casino Royale” co-star, Judi Dench, said she caught a glimpse of his fat dick when he was dressing in his trailer which was across from hers.

She said, "It's an absolute monster! Maybe I shouldn't have said that. How uncouth of me!"

That dirty old woman! She’s hot. It has been rumored that Daniel is working with a large one, but I just don’t see it. These pics were leaked last year and I’m not impressed. Who am I fooling? I’d hit it.

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