Drunks

TMZ has video of Michael Richards' racial tirade at the Laugh Factory in Los Angeles on Friday night. Michael went on for nearly three minutes using racial slurs and causing audience members to gasp and leave the club. He also got into a fight with a black dude who told him that "he's a reject and has never had any shows."

The crazy talk started when Michael said to a black man in the audience, "Fifty years ago we'd have you upside down with a fucking fork up your ass. You can talk, you can talk, you're brave now motherf**ker. Throw his ass out. He's a nigger! He's a nigger! He's a nigger! A nigger, look, there's a nigger!"

You can hear the crowd gasp, but he kept going.

"They're going to arrest me for calling a black man a nigger."

After most of the audience left, he finally stopped. There was basically nobody else to perform to. Michael's rep would not comment. I'm sure some half-assed apology will be issued soon. Ok, bitch is either high as a kite or he's using this to get some press. He saw what it did for Mel Gibson, so why not. What a dumb ass. He's lucky one of those men didn't beat the hell out of him. They had every right to and should have. WTF is wrong with his ass?!

Lindsay Lohan has been in London for nearly a week now and she's been partying it up every night. She has taken up a possibly short romance with Calum Best. Calum is the son of George Best and is a playboy on the London scene. He's been linked to several chavs including Jodie Marsh, Alicia Douvall and Elizabeth Jagger. Lindsay has seen him almost every night this week and last night was no exception. There was a little problem though. Lindsay got into another accident, although she wasn't driving this time.

Daily Mail reports:

The 20-year-old actress had arrived at Hakkasan, just off Tottenham Court Road, at 9.30pm last night. Witnesses to the accident, at 1.10am today, say the police van jumped a red light and collided with her Range Rover. It wasn't enough to stop her relentless partying, however, and Lindsay was soon whisked away in a new car which took her to Zigfrid restaurant in Shoreditch. But London clearly can't keep up with the girl, because Zigfrid and her next stop, Boujis in South Kensington, were both closed. She went on to the Mandarin Oriental Hotel in Hyde Park before picking up her new pal Calum Best at his home and taking him back to her hotel, the Sanderson, at 2.30am.

Lindsay was also seen with the cuts on her arm that everybody has been talking about. No word yet on when she's due back in the states. She's probably better off there anyway. She can get caught doing crack in front of the police station and they'd merely write her a citation and send her on her way. That's heave for her. Calum is alright, but not going to last.

Kimbo and Jack Osbourne at Light Nightclub in Vegas 11/17

I'm JOKING! About, the unfortunately part anyway. Ok, not really. Ok, I am. Anyway, Kimbo Stewart has said that her father is a damn liar. Rod earlier said that Kimbo had liver disease from being a drunk ho. She wants to set the record straight and said, "I love my dad but sometimes he has a big mouth and not just when he's singing. I don't have a liver disease. I was exhausted and feeling sick from burning the candle at both ends, and my doctor told me to cut back on drinking and smoking, which I have, and I feel so much better."

Burning the candle at both ends? She means that in a sexual way, right? Homegirl does NOT work, so I know she's not talking about. She doesn't have liver disease, but she has FUG face disease and there's no cure for that.

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As much as I think Kimbo Stewart has a face only a dog could love...I feel for her. Homegirl has liver cancer due to excessive drinking. Kimbo is out every night partying just like Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan, so it's no surprise that her hard drinking has finally caught up to her.

Kimbo's father, Rod said, "She just discovered that she has a very serious liver illness from drinking too much. She said to me, 'Dad, I'm half Scottish, I thought I was allowed to drink a lot.' I said, 'No, darling, it doesn't work like that.'"

Rod claims that she hasn't had a drop of booze since being diagnosed. Okay, I did say above that I felt for her...I lied. Bitch deserves it. She's a young ho and it's sad, but it's not like she couldn't prevent it. These dumb skanks think they are indestructible. Lohan needs to listen up, cause homegirl is next.

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Rachel Weisz is pissed some people off when she said that it was fine for pregnant women to enjoy a glass of wine after the first three months. Medical experts think she should shut her trap.

Rachel went on to say, "I mean in Europe they drink it". That was a dumb reason. UK guidelines currently say that a pregnant woman can drink one or two small glasses of wine a week. In North American it is advised to completely abstain from booze altogether.

Sharon Fleisher, founder of the National Organization of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, said: "Damage to a fetus can be caused throughout the whole nine months of pregnancy. I think that the comment that she made is dangerous. It is very irresponsible because she is not an expert and she doesn't know the full effects alcohol can have on an unborn child.

"She is also wrong about Europe because as of October 2007, France is putting warning labels on all stock in the shops."

They are basically saying that Rachel doesn’t know what she’s talking about and should shut her yapper. Personally, she’s an actress so I’m not sure why people are so upset. Actors aren’t known for being intelligent creatures and besides it’s not like she’s advising women to get drunk. People are so damn touchy these days. On that note, I need a drink.

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Keith Urban had a visitor from his granny at the Betty Ford center in California. Oh that's not his granny you say? Silly me, I didn't recognize Nicole Kidman with that mop of white hair. In this case a wig is ok. Her hair is falling out and it's white! Eeek, she's like a witch. Anyway, this is the moment that the National Enquirer claims Nicole told Keith she's knocked up.

I doubt it though. Her eggs are totally dried up.

Guns 'N' Roses cancelled a show in Portland, Maine when state officials told them they couldn't drink onstage. The show has several pyrotechnics involved and the fire marshall's office told them they couldn't have alcohol onstage. The show was to take place on Monday.

The band's spokeswhore said that the fire marshall's office was making it very difficult for them and they had no choice.

Axl Rose said, "It was important for us to play there and it is a shame that what should have been a great night for all of us was not possible due to the actions of two people,"said Rose, referring to the fire marshals. "I agree with, and ultimately take responsibility for, the end decision not to jeopardize the safety of the fans, the crews, the bands and myself as a result of the methods of these particularly draconian authorities. We hope to find another way to play for you in the future."

I can't say I blame them. I would need a lot of booze in order to sing the same song for the one billionth time. I have a question though? Couldn't they have just cut the fireplay and keep the booze? Damn, Axl is fug.

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Don't try it, Michelle Trachtenberg. You will never be Lindsay Lohan, not even a low-rent version. I mean you were in "Inspector Gadget"?! I mean... So, here's Michelle Trachtenberg with the fugly fug, Lydia Hearst. How is this chick (Hearst) a model? She looks like an America's Next Top Model drop-out.

Here's these two trying really hard to be sexy at some Smirnoff Vodka party in NYC last night. Put it in the bank, darlings.

Lindsay Blohan's spokeswhore said that the Ninety Day AA chip she was photographed wearing wasn't hers. She was wearing it to support a friend.

"It was a tribute to a friend who's been sober 90 days."

Um...ok? Shouldn't she pay tribute to her friend by not drinking for at least one night. Bitch was out like 5 times last week, boozing it up. Stupid ass.

Blowing Blohan at the "Bobby" premiere in L.A. on 11/1

Splash News has pics of Lindsay Blohan yesterday making a fashion statement in an AA chip necklace. The chip is a sort of award that represents how long you've been sober. For Blohan's to ring true, it needs to say Ninety Seconds.

In other Blohan news, she's apparently found love with Diana Ross' teenage son, Evan. He's the hotness, but Blohan is a damn maneater. Besides, I think Evan plays on my team and by my team I don't mean tired, bitter bitches..I mean fags.