JLo

Truly, truly outrageous! Whoooah JLo! Anyway, I'm done with that. That Jem! song is really the best ever. OK! So JLo has reportedly hired a full security team for her Dragon Tales twins. She didn't stop there. She also hired a color therapist and a masseuse just for her babies.

A source said, "She has employed a professional baby masseuse to come in once or twice a week and is also superparanoid about hygiene. The twins’ wing is totally sterile and all flowers and presents are stored in a separate room, so they don’t contaminate the babies’ area."

She also ordered 600-thread cotton sheets for them, diamond rattles and two ponies.

Mommie Dearest anyone? With all these stories of JLo's outrageous gifts for her babies, I better see them in some couture shit when she finally brings them outside. Seriously, they better be wearing some Louboutins and Chanel couture onesies. I bet you Versace is making their diapers.

Only JLo would allow some stranger to fondle her babies. Babies do not need massages! That will only push the vomit and diarrhea out even more.

Source

People Magazine has confirmed that JLo and Skeletor have named their twins Max and Emme. JLo's manager confirmed to the magazine. I am truly disappointed with JLo. I was expecting her of all people to give me some tacky glamour! Max and Emme? That shit sounds like a discount shoe line they sell at Foley's. I mean a few of you even pointed out to me that Max and Emmy are the names of the brother and sister in the cartoon "Dragon Tales." You know that's where they got the names from, because Skeletor definitely watches that shit. He can probably relate to Ord the dragon.

Anyway, People Magazine wrote, "The new parents welcomed their son and daughter on February 22nd Emme was born at 12:12 a.m. and weighed 5 lbs. 7 oz., and Max followed at 12:23 a.m., weighing 6 lbs."

Max and Emme?! UGH! I still can't get over it. Bitch is trying to be all refined and conservative. JLo, I don't know if I'll ever forgive you for this. I was counting on you! Hopefully, she'll redeem her shit with their middle names.

Thanks Jules

Star Magazine stand by their claim that JLo and Skeletor have named their babies Max and Emme. Other magazines now claim the twins have been named Maximiano and Emelina. Apparently, hospital employees overheard JLo and her family calling the babies that.

People reports that the couple have not confirmed their names yet. It's probably part of their $6 million deal to release their names with the pictures. Baby making has become such a lucrative business. People also reports that JLo has been getting tons of gifts with their names' embroidered on them. Well, someone had to have done the embroidering! Spill the fucking frijoles. I must know.

I hope Maximiano and Emelina are just their middle names. JLo needs to give me some drama! Escandalo Emelina Lopez for their girl and Chewey Maximiano Lopez for their boy. You know they aren't going to have Skeletor's last name.

Thanks Ashbey

JLo is reportedly getting paid $6 million for her baby photos and I guess $6 million doesn't go that far in her world, because she's registered for a bunch of overpriced crap. People Magazine that JLo opened a long ass registry at Petit Tresor and here's some of the items on her list:

Cashmere cardigan, hat and booties - $279 each
A box of onesies - $169 each
Chelsea sleigh cribs - $1390 each
Glam Gliders for JLo and Skeletor - $1420 each
Changing table - $1780
Italian leather and snake skin diaper bag - $1250

What! No mink diapers with solid gold diaper pins? JLo really should learn how to splurge. She's being much too thrifty. Nothing goes with cashmere quite like baby vomit. What the fuck happened to Jenny from the block? Well, she bought a Bentley and told all the poor people to eff off.

It's a miracle! JLo finally delivered her twins in her special hospital suite at North Shore University Hospital on Long Island shortly after midnight today reports People. JLo's rep confirmed she had a boy and a girl. The girl was born at 12:12 a.m. and weighed 5 lbs. 7 oz., and the boy followed at 12:23 a.m., weighing 6 lbs.

Their rep said, "Jennifer and Marc are delighted, thrilled and over the moon." Jennifer is the size of the moon is probably what he meant to say. JLo is probably already on the phone screaming things at her people. She probably doesn't understand why her babies don't have hair and she wants answers! She's also bringing hair and make-up people in to get her babies ready for their photo shoot. They can sleep when they are dead! It's money-making time.

I'm on the edge of my oatmeal bowl waiting to hear the names. Just name one of them "Escandalo" and I'll be your biggest fan, JLo.

The twins haven't been born yet, but the pictures have already been sold. JLo has reportedly sold pictures of her twins to People Magazine for $6 million. That's for US rights only. OK! Magazine apparently passed on US rights, but will publish her pictures in 15 of their International markets. Why didn't they pick up US rights? A source told MSNBC's The Scoop JLo just doesn't have that much appeal here. “Look at her track record with her movies, and look at her album sales. The U.S. market hasn’t been fascinated with her in some time. It makes more sense to not spend a fortune on photos that won’t cause a noticeable increase on the newsstand. This just isn’t going to sell like Shiloh (Jolie-Pitt), and $6 million is a lot of money.”

$6 million?! I'm sure she's going to donate it to charity. Her favorite charity, "The JLO Loves Money Foundation." They are wasting their pennies. Instead of taking pics of JLo, Skeletor and the twins, they should have just taken a few shots of 3 cornish game hens and a greasy chicken bone and called it a day.

TMZ reports that North Shore Medical Center in Long Island have been practicing "pink drills" for JLo's twins in case of a possible kidnapping. Code Pink is when a hospital goes on lockdown to prevent a kidnapping. The hospital recently had a drill, but told TMZ it was just coincidence.

She's been watching way too many novelas. She needs to change the channel and watch court shows instead. Much more entertaining. At first I didn't believe it, but then we're talking about JLo. I could see this chick asking everyone in the delivery room to wear white, because it soothes her.

She should have built her own hospital on her own property. I'm actually surprised she didn't. She could have called it Saint JLo's of the Derriere.

I love these Disney "celebrity whores as Disney characters" campaign, but they really fucked this one up. They had the fugness of Skeletor and they use him as Aladdin? You are telling me that you have Skeletor in front of you and you fail to use him as Jack Skellington from "Nightmare Before Christmas." Missed opportunity. Also, there's no way JLo could keep a floating carpet up. Her ego alone would force it to sink to the sand.

They also completely miscast Jessica Biel as Pocahontas. That bitch should've been Captain John. She's a dude! The only one I am fond of is Tina Fey as Tinkerbell. Shit, she could have played Pocahontas and I would've loved it.

The rest of the series includes JLo as Princess Jasmine, Whoopi Goldberg as the Genie, Gis Bundchen as Wendy and Mikhail Barishnykov as Peter Pan.

I really hope in their next series they make Star Jones get fat again to play Ursula. It would be a crime if they didn't do that.

Source: ONTD, PageSix.com

Yesterday, I posted something about how Mimi said she would rather "duet with a pig than with JLo." I loved the quote, because I could see Mimi saying it. Today she's claiming those words didn't come out of her mouth. She said, "JLo's not a pig, she's a dog!" No...she told People this, "This is just some Internet gossip and it's pathetic that people actually entertain the thought that this could be real. This is another sad example of two strong women being pit against each other."

Where are the two strong women? Is she talking about herself and JLo? That Mimi is so silly! Yes, she's built like a quarterback, but I wouldn't call her "strong." So does this mean that the duet with the pig is off? Ugh....I was so looking forward to that.