Jordan & Harvey

Orange chicken! Panda Express is such trash, but I ate that shit almost every day when I lived in California. I know it's basically a plate of MSG, but it's delicious. I once met this bitch in a bar who was a manager at Panda Express and they told me to stop eating there. When I asked why they wouldn't answer. That's not a good sign. They probably use rat shit in their beef broccoli. Who cares? Pour some MSG on that rat shit and if tastes delicious, I will eat it. You only live once, so you might as well eat tasty shit.

Katie Price enjoyed what our good country has to offer while shopping at the Beverly Center. You know the bitch thinks it's some authentic Chinese food. She probably asked if she could give her regards to the chef. They handed her a bag of MSG.

Here's more pics of Katie looking like a burnt-up Elvira and a few shots of her gay husband.

This is definitely the outfit you wear to go and buy some Huggies at CVS. How I wish Katie Price would have worn this outfit while strolling down Sunset Blvd. Prostitutes would have beat the orange off of her for trying to work their track. Has Katie met Brit Brit yet since she's been in Los Angeles? Something tells me they would be BFFs. They both like to wear inappropriate outfits to the drugstore.

Below are also some pics of Katie's big gay husband going jogging yesterday. I take that back. No self-respecting gay would look like that mess.

I feel all itchy just looking at these pictures of Princess Tiaamii with chicken pox. Although, last night's activities could be the reason for my itchiness. I'll discuss with the Rite-Aid pharmacist later.

Anyway, even though Tiaamii is looked miserable, Katie Price and Peter Andre could not miss an opportunity for a little pap action. Tia would rather be home in a tub, catching up on her stories than gallivanting around town with these two baffoons.

They spent their day lunching at The Ivy and shopping at Kitson. Their fun was cut short, because they had to rush Tiaamii to the clinic. They probably barely realized she had chicken pox. They are too busy focusing on their orange asses.

Katie and Peter are currently in Los Angeles for three weeks while they film their reality show. Harvey is apparently also there, but I haven't seen his ass! He's too busy working on his modeling career.

I seriously have the itchies now. Gross. Excuse me while I douse myself in powder.

Katie Price and Peter Andre should not have been allowed into this country without Harvey in tow. That should be illegal. It's not right.

Anyway, these two terra cotta pots landed at LAX last night with Junior and Princess Tiaamii. I don't know if it was Katie and Peter's intention, but every time I read that poor child's name, I can only think of some Disney princess singing about birds and shit. That girl has to grow up to be a Disney princess or I just don't know.

While the whole family is in America, Harvey better be raising hell in the Andre mansion. He must take revenge for being left in England. Harvey is the one that should be trying to conquer America, not their orange asses!

More like snatch of the day.... Throw the dirty fish back in the water! Katie Price turned up to a signing for her new children's book "Mermaids and Pirates" today dressed like a drag queen doing their worst Daryl Hannah in Splash impersonation.

I didn't know there was that much rayon left in the world!

This morning I wrote about John Travolta getting all wet over "The Little Mermaid." Now we have a good example of what he looks like when he dresses up like his cartoon idol.

It pains me to do this, but I must bow my head and whisper a final farewell to Jordan. It seems just like yesterday, when I first fell in love with her plastic watermelons, apricot skin, gumball eyes and Barbie weave. Who is this Katie Price and what has she done with the sophisticated and elegant Jordan?

I look at her and I can't help but hear the song "Leave me alone" in my head. She looks like she just finished making a batch of Jesus Juice and feeding her pet chimp. Jacko in cheap bonzer is what she's become.

Hopefully Harvey will mistake her for a giant caramel swizzle stick and eat her whole.

Here's Katie Price, sigh, and her gay in shades out shopping in London.

Jordan continued to prove she's the hardest working hooker in Britain by modeling her lingerie line for the press in London today. Jordan said that she also wanted regular woman to share the spotlight with her, so she put the call out to her fans.

She said, "I decided that I wanted girls from my fan club to model [the range] with me in front of the press so I got them to write in and then I chose six girls."

First of all, Jordan doesn't even have a total of six fans. She probably paid most of these chicks. Second of all, she only chose these women, so she could look even hotter. Didn't work.

Who said fake tits and no talent don't pay off! The Sun reports Jordan is looking to buy a $10 million private jet. The 29-year-old is in the market for a Hawker 900. She decided to buy a private jet when she found out that she would spend around $300,000 in plane tickets for her entire family this year. Jordan and company travel frequently to Peter Andre's native Cyprus.

That makes a lot of sense. $300,000 a year or $10 million plus gas? Hmm....I wonder what's more economical? Bitch needs to stop thinking with her tits.

A source said that Jordan plans to paint her plane pink and she's even planning to pilot the thing herself! The source said, "When she gets the jet she intends taking flying lessons.”

Jordan the pilot?! They are goners. That family would be better off with Harvey at the helm.

Thanks Joe

That picture is ridiculous. It's like 4 tangerines sitting in a plastic bowl. Katie Price (I'm not calling her Jordan anymore, because Jordan is DEAD), Peter Andre and some friends had dinner last night in London to celebrate Peter's 35th Birthday. I feel sorry for the poor sap that had to clean up their mess at the dinner table. The tablecloth, forks, knives and napkins were probably covered in orange slime. These people are like skanky snails! They leave their fake tan jizz everywhere.

Where the hell do you buy an outfit like that? I don't even think Frederick's of Hollywood would carry tacky shit like that. She probably pulled a Britney (see below) and brought in her Bratz doll to a dressmaker and asked them to duplicate this look.

Jordan talks about sex so much that it's only natural she come out with a line of toys and condoms. Too bad she's the only slag that's going to use it. Jordan has applied to the UK Intellectual Property Office to have her logo registered for use on products like dildos, vibrators, massage devices and condoms. She's also planning on launching more toys and a fruit machine. A fruit machine!

She already has a fruit machine! His name is Peter Andre.

Jordan once said that Peter Andre's dick was the size of a cable TV remote, so I'm pretty sure she will come out with a Peter Andre vibrator remote! Change the channel with your clit!

I also hope she's coming out with a line of barf bags, because that's what most people will be reaching for after seeing her face on a dildo box.

Source: The Sun