The CAPTION THIS Contest

A young couple dining out in Calabasas was thrilled when Khloe K. stopped by to say hi and make a fuss over their kids. They didn't think too much about her backing out of the restaurant until they realized the baby was gone. - City Barbie

Runners-up:

In Russia, Richard Gere gets stuck up Gerbil's ass. - La Angel

Now that it was out of the media spotlight, Kate Gosselin's possum hair could FINALLY get its sweet hirsute revenge on Jon. - Disraeli_Ears

via Neatorama

Dozens turn out for the premiere of Cirque du Scientology. - Eggbeater

Runners-up:

It's been over 3 decades but the Red Hot Chili Peppers still have it. - Emeriesan

Much to the chagrin of doubters, it turns out that there really IS a healthy market for drive-thru lunch hour anal bleaching. - BaconSlut

At today's Senate hearing, John McCain provided his response to Hillary Clinton's ambiguous explanation for the debacle that occurred last year in Benghazi. - Señor Loco

via Izismile

Training to be a Rabi, Steven often practices circumcisions on the set. - Pompous Famas

Runners-up:

No amount of giggling in the closet could pursuade Steven Spielberg to drop trou in order to sign Lilo. Of course he won in the end by putting the fine print where she'd need a mirror and a magnifying glass to read it. - City Barbie

Spielberg tries his hand at acting in "The Jerry Sandusky Story". - OurMissC

via Wenn.com

If you look really hard, you can see the ropes and pulleys holding Lance's demons up. NICE TRY BUT WE'RE ON TO YOU! - ISprainedMyUvula

Runners-up:

The statue of Manti T'eo sitting on his girlfriend's lap constructed outside Notre Dame's football stadium, will now have to be removed. - parissucksliterally

You would think Paula Deen's cooking would shoot right through ya'll, but that two pounds of cheese can really tie up your bowels. - bkmn

via Izismile

What his fiancee doesn't know is what happened to his first wife. She amused him at first, but soon he grew tired of her, forgot to feed her, and eventually flushed her dead body down the toilet. - prommom

Runners-up:

"Well, I guess the party was gonna have to end sooner or later. It's been one hell of a ride though." - Jim Bob Duggar's sperm on his and Michelle's decision to "just shake hands" from now on. - City Barbie

Vivid takes their stab at the 2013 Oscar nominees with their first feature "Salmon Fucking in Yemen..." - tsizzle7

Blue Ivy has custom-made Sea Monkeys that hang out in the $82,000 private baby suite with her. - skabazzle

via PIU

Like the final round of bidding on "The Price is Right," desperation sets in for the remaining contestants in Michelle Duggar's ovaries. Regardless of the outcome, one thing is clear: in this game, there are no winners. - GingeMinge

Runners-up:

You sit in the front row for a L'il Wayne show, you takes your chances. - degostev

Somehow I couldn't picture Megan Fox catching the Holy Ghost...until I visited her church. - City Barbie

via Break

Bam-Bam and Pebbles: The Studio 54 Years. - mygirlsunny

Runners-up:

Ultrasounds reveal that Jessica Simpson's next pregnancy was so long that her twins grew up, went goth, learned to apply eyeliner, and had a baby of their own, all while still in the womb. - perky

Embarrassing your kids even before they're born: You're doing it right. - misslainey

When Dean McDermott recently told Tori Spelling "no more kids" it wasn't because he didn't want more children, he just couldn't bear any more of these pregnancy photo shoots. - Swallows

via Awkward Family Photos

The Laotian men's synchronized swimming team calls this move "ໄຖແບບຫວ່ຽງ" which roughly translates to "The Travolta." - Trixster

Runners-up:

There was a typo on the billboard and the organizers didn't want to get sued for false advertising, so this is what they came up with for "swimo wrestling". - OurMissC

Karate Kid: The Geritol Years - DiamondDogs

They can pray all they want, but there WILL be shrinkage. - BaconSlut

via Izismile

Preparations have begun for Kim K's Golden Baby Shower. - Deb

Runners-up:

Storing all Charlie Sheen's previous drug test samples was becoming unmanageable. - jstanonymous

Not cool. The staffers putting together the Bud Light fountains for Brit Brit and Jason Trainwreck's wedding are suddenly out of a job. - CokeyBloke

Lindsay's agent came up with a brilliant plan for keeping Linds and her crew on set - between takes. - crankenstein

via The Chive

Turns out that the conspiracy theorists were wrong: Ferris' day off wasn't Cameron's day dream: it was Sarah Jessica's. - fuzzy_wuzzy

Runners-up:

As Kim Cattrall did in the movie Mannequin, Justin Theroux comes to life at night. In the meantime, Jennifer waits patiently. - PeggyOlson

It took four years, but evidence finally surfaced that Rob and Kristen do sleep together. - frenchflies

In this captured private moment, Tori and Dean show us how they keep the magic alive. - carpediva

via PIU