We all know that Lindsay Lohan has no shame, no pride, and not one fuck to give (LIES!!! - Lindsay's johns). We were all wondering why her broke ass stowed away on a plane to London as Jay Harvey reported yesterday (no we weren't, but just go with it). So it's no surprise that even after Max George from the Wanted called her a groupie, and even though she said her ass was staying home and baking cookies for New Year's Eve, Crushable says they can guess why: to continue following the band around like a mangy kitchen ass fur wearing puppy dog. LiLo, the Unwanted. No, I'm sure she's in London to entertain the royals at their request. HAHAAHAHA I crack myself up.
So much for impressing the judge in her probation violation case or club slap down case or whichever charge she's facing this time by NOT partying like a rock star. Well, I guess the Wanted aren't real rock stars, so it doesn't count. She's just partying like a blip on the music screen, so it's okay. Plus, she consulted her Magic 8 Ball, asked it if Max really loved her, and it responded "HELL NO" so she took that as a maybe. Then she smoked it.
The well drink version of Taylor Swift and Harry Styles, Lindsay Lohan and Max George, is probably over now and the only thing Max has to remember LiLo by is the fake tan skid marks and vomit crust she left on his pillow in The Wanted's tour bus. LiLo lubed up her head and shoved it up Max George's ass to follow him all over the East Coast for about a week, but the days of her smuggling into his hotel room by hiding under the room service cart are long gone. Ace Showbiz points out that LiLo unfollowed Max George on Twitter after he pretty much called her a joke to reporters.
At Capital FM's Jingle Ball in London five nights ago, ITN asked Max George if he's licking LiLo's butt full-time and he laughed before saying, "No, what's the right word for her? A yeah, a groupie! She is probably hiding in our suitcase right now!" This gave LiLo the sads and she crawled out of their suitcase and immediately unfollowed Max on Twitter.
LiLo already proved to us a million times over that there's a basement under the bottom of the barrel, because she keeps falling lower and lower. But The Wanted laughing at her ass has to be rock bottom. THE WANTED! This is like when the nastiest, grossest skank in junior high school (Note: This nasty, gross skank used to entertain people in English class by eating her boogers. SUCIO piece of skank trash!) asked me to a dance in front of everyone and then said, "Yeah right, like I'd want to go anywhere with a fag like you!" while everyone laughed. This is worse than that. But I'm sure White Oprah will spin this and say that LiLo really dumped The Wanted, because they ran out of coke. So take that, The Wanted.
In other LiLo news, TMZ says that A&E is close to greenlighting a Storage Wars spin-off called Storage Whores, because Lindsay Lohan hasn't paid her storage unit bill for months and everything inside is about to be auctioned off. LiLo owes the storage company around $16,000 and she doesn't have the cash to pay for it since she's broke. She's asked her friends and family for the money, but nobody has given it to her. If she doesn't pay the bill soon, everything in her storage until will be sold to the highest bidder. TMZ says that LiLo's got a bunch of clothes and family heirlooms in there.
So basically, that storage unit is filled with coke-stained leggings, Michael Lohan's mesh shirts, Ali Lohan's youth, White Oprah's sense of reason, LiLo's career, a black kid and empty bottles of Adequite vodka.
Lindsay Lohan owes the IRS hundreds of thousands of dollars, probably owes her lawyers even more and she can't pay her rent, so you'd think that maybe just maybe she'd handle her crappy situation by either Wesley Snipes-ing out of the country or making a quick dollar by doing porn for the blind. But no, instead Lindsay Lohan has latched her lips onto The Wanted's ass and is following them wherever they go. Bitch is the Penny Lane to their Stillwater.
LiLo's stalking of The Wanted started a couple of weeks ago on the night she got arrested for punching a Florida psychic. A few days later, LiLo hitchhiked her way to Philadelphia where The Wanted performed in one of those Jingle Balls. Then she rode the bus with them to Boston and eventually they made their way back to NYC. On Friday night, LiLo was backstage with The Wanted at Z100's Jingle Ball. The Wanted is going with this, because:
a) This is the most publicity that the ironically named The Wanted has ever gotten.
b) They got tired of chasing her out of their bunks with a bottle of bleach spray after she snuck onto their tour bus.
"Yeah it’s fun [having Lindsay on tour]. She's a good girl. I love that she can party nearly as hard as we can. We had a big night on the bus where Ed Sheeran came on with us and a few of our mates as well, and we just had one big party. It was great! I suppose we’re all good mates already, so I hope that lasts. She's cool. "I’m sure she’s got people around her that know her much better than we do. We're probably not the best influence, to be honest."
"Party NEARLY as hard we can?" Unless Max George drank so much of the sweet nectar that he got alcohol poisoning, died and is now a fully functional zombie whose body is preserved by alcohol, I doubt he can party as hard as that mess can. Also, "probably not the best influence"? Unless Max George's brain is an exact clone of Charles Manson's brain, I doubt that's true.
Here's some pictures from Friday night of LiLo looking like a bruised apricot that's been soaked in dirty bong water. You know, I take back what I said about how hanging out with The Wanted is a bad financial decision for her. Because while she was backstage, she stole a box of Pop Tarts out of The Wanted's dressing room and becoming the East Coast's #1 Pop Tarts distributor is totally going to fix all her money woes.
The last time Lindsay Lohan followed The Wanted somewhere, she ended up being dragged away in handcuffs after a Florida psychic wrongfully set her up by running into her fist. That didn't keep LiLo from stalking The Wanted, because she showed up in Philadelphia last night to see them perform at the Q102 Jingle Ball. You know LiLo is truly hard up for some British boy band dick when she gets up at 6am to take the $15 Chinatown bus from NYC to Philadelphia.
LiLo dressed up like a teenage runaway junkie and managed to get backstage to hang out with Max George (aka the bald one) by telling security that she was the winner of a charity contest. Surprisingly for everyone, LiLo didn't whoop a trick or get into any trouble. All she did was use her old witch claw to sign an autograph. Or should I say, LiLo thought she was signing an autograph, but was actually signing served civil papers. (Pro tip to servers everywhere: If you want Lindsay Lohan to sign, just ask her for an autograph. The mess falls for it every time.)
And if you were backstage at last night's Jingle Ball and asked the question, "Where is my wallet?", you now have your answer!
The Wanted, who I guess are like the Backstreet Boys to One Direction's 'N Sync or like the New Edition to One Direction's New Kids (In other words: I'm old), performed on The Voice recently and they left with the taste of bitchy bitterness and hot lipstick in their mouths. While talking to Now FM (via Digital Spy), they said that Christina Aguilera was more like Cuntina Aguilera. SHOTS FIRED! Here's the transcript detectives will study after The Wanted becomes The Missing!:
Max: Yeah, she's a bit scary, to be honest.
Host: I thought she looked really good. I thought she looked alright.
The Wanted one in all black: SHE'S A TOTAL BITCH!
Host: Ooooooh, is she?
The Wanted one in all black: She's a total bitch.
Host: Was she mean to you?
The Wanted one in all black: She might not be a bitch in real life, but to us she was a bitch. She just sat there and didn't speak to us. Not even look at us.
Host: Christina, how dare you give him the mean mug. Don't do that.
The Wanted one in a beanie: She might've been in a bad mood that day cause she completely (something something'ed) Justin Bieber. He went in for a hug and she's like....
Host: "Why are you coming near me?" I saw that. Can't be mean to these guys. Look at them. She was just mad, because Max didn't run off the stage. Like on American Idol, I was like, did he just make out with JLo?
Max: Well, JLo's hot .Christina's nothing special.
Oh, those sweet, naive British-Irish boys don't even know. Some of them are Irish, which means they've got the sweet nectar naturally running through their veins, which means Drunktina will sniff them down and swallow them up in one gulp. They'll spend the rest of eternity trapped in her gut, slowly getting suffocated by the Spanx cocoon she wraps herself in. It's over for them. Even the YouTube commenters know what I'm talking about:
The unwanted. The fact GODTINA can sing better than them put together and has been in the music industry for over 10 years should be something they should take note of. They've been around nearly two years. Oh and she can sing.
What grown ass men talks s#!t about a woman who is older than they are? They're barely starting and already making unnecessary rude comments about someone they don't know. Just in a moment in time, Cursetina will strike their lame asses.....
HA at "Cursetina." I love how we can throw almost any word or set of words in front of "tina" and it works. Snookitina, Cursetina, Cuntina, Burritotina, Godtina, Bloatina, Huntingdownthewantedtoskinthemrawtina...
Here's the #1 enemies of the Red Lipstick Mafia performing at The Grove in L.A. yesterday.