Afternoon Crumbs

Shape Magazine might've gone all-out Photoshop crazy on this picture of Brit Brit, but I'm glad that they didn't go so wild that they accidentally erased the relic from 1999 dangling from her belly button. Because to me, that dangling rhinestone ring looks like diamond tear drops trickling out of an angel's b-hole - Drunken Stepfather

Somebody tell Leonardo DiCatchAHo that Django Unchained stopped filming a long time ago. He can shave the plantation villain beard off now - Lainey Gossip 

Pictures of Megan Fox jumping on a trampoline in leggings are the reason why thousands of fan boys haven't left their rooms all day - Hollywood Tuna 

Magazines are really running out of made up lists to make up - Celebitchy

And here's Oprah slapping a trick down in the trailer for The Butler - Towleroad

CHICHI FIGHT! - The Superficial 

Either Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are beating down Sacha Baron Cohen or this is the most bizarre threesome I've seen in a while - The Berry 

Blake Lively pulls out her best sexy face, looks like she's stoned and smelling a fart while doing so... - Popoholic

I'm mad that the pilot and the crew didn't skydive out of the jet and leave Fist Brown on board - IDLYITW

What Riccardo Tisci is trying to say is that he's very happy that he got to get revenge on Kim Kardashian for screwing with his man by fugging her up even more - ICYDK

American hero Charles Ramsey went to prison ten years ago for beating his then wife a bunch of times. And so it begins.... - Jezebel

Zac Efron, pull that stunt hair off your chest and stop acting like you can naturally grow fur - Popsugar

Bubble Butt Kroy cheated on his ex-girlfriend with Kim Zolciak - Reality Tea 

You know that goddess who cursed you out when you refused to take your purse off the subway seat next to you? It was Mrs. Rojo - HuffPo

The Jolly Green Ukrainian Giant is serving up some DEEEEEEEEEEEERP on his face - Just Jared 

Animals riding bareback-style (not a Teen Mom Farrah post) - OMG Blog

Miss Universe has nipples and here they are - Celebslam

John Krasinski wants to make love to Jimmy Fallon - SOW

The Hemsworth Brothers really don't want to be related to the Cyrus family - I'm Not Obsessed

The right queen won RuPaul's Drag Race last night, but Detox should get a special prize for singing out Jocelyn Wildenstein's theme song - Queerty

Jessica Biel looks in the mirror and sees a nose ring while I see a strand of chrome mocos - Lainey Gossip

And I'm sure Miranda Kerr told people, "Well, my top sort of looks like sequined black tape and that's punk rock, right?" Hollywood Tuna 

That pole has more charisma and sex appeal than Backdoor Farrah does - Drunken Stepfather

Baby Darren Aronofsky is not impressed with whatever he's not impressed with  - Celebitchy

If you turn your head to the side, Jessica Simpson's knocked up belly button sort of looks like an eye. I think I just saw it blink. - The Superficial

Nightmares is what I will have tonight after looking at the picture of a blurry Mary-Kate Olsen drifting in front of the lens - Popsugar

Let me guess, this is the scene in the movie where Cameron Diaz is really hungover and Leslie Mann wants her to walk that big dog and she doesn't want to do it and she complains about being hungover and then that ghost lurking in the background eats her. The end! - Popoholic

From the department of Why So Edgy?: Carey Mulligan in Flaunt - ICYDK

It's official, us humans have run out of shit to do with our time - Jezebel

Something to make you feel one foot closer to the grave, Baby Got Back is 21 years old - HuffPo

YAY DELAWARE! - Towleroad

This was my reaction to watching Teen Mom Farrah get backdoored  - The Berry

Zachary Quinto is down and out at the scat party - Just Jared

Klunky Kartrashian talks to Redbook magazine about her womb is not wanting a baby in it right now - I'm Not Obsessed

Because Obama has nothing better to do... - IDLYITW

Usher wishes he had it like that, so does The Biebs - SOW

Precious knew one of her boyfriends was gay when he tried her shoes on. If his hooves were big enough to fit in her shoes, I'm guessing her ex-boyfriend was either Khloe Kardashian or Noxeema Jackson  - Crunk + Disorderly

Don't you hate it when a shifty beards steals your ice cream? - Videogum

I pity the janitor who had to clean up the puddle of wax off the ground after Gretchen Rossi melted - Reality Tea 

Kevin Spacey got a new PUPPY!!! and I really hope that puppy rips that toupee (or whatever it is) off of his head and drags it into the forest where it belongs - Celebitchy

Nikolaj Coster-Waldau's hair wave is mesmerizing - Lainey Gossip 

I'm pretty sure Fist Brown meant to say "knife-ing" not "wife-ing" - The Superficial

Since my brain is powered by dirty gutter water always, I read "Pitbull Really Wants That Stick" and thanked the Gods for finally giving me a gay porn starring Pitbull the rapper - Towleroad

Suri Cruise is. not. im. pressed. - The Berry

Maxim proves once again that they shouldn't be in charge of making Hot 100 lists  - Drunken Stepfather

Jamie King has a baby occupying her uterus - Just Jared

Speaking of babies, Wonky McValtrex wants to replace her menagerie of tortured toy dogs with a human being. Somebody sneak crushed birth control pills in her coke immediately - I'm Not Obsessed

Kanye West cracks a semi-smile when out with Kim Kartrashian, but I'm guessing it's mostly because he feels precious with those fringe boots on his feet - Popsugar

Somebody call 911, because Ireland Baldwin might be having a seizure - IDLYITW

Megan Fox personal umbrella holder looks ready to kill himself - ICYDK

Rose McGowan or a hipster Slytherin? - Popoholic

It's kind of fitting that the Kardashian Kollection include an ankle monitor since none of them should ever be allowed to leave their lair- Reality Tea

What a completely natural and not-at-all staged pregnant photo shoot - Hollywood Tuna

Happy Monday, here's some Games of Thrones ass - OMG Blog

Something for the Faces of Meth folder you keep on your desktop - Moe Jackson

Charlize Theron throws a love letter to the paps - HuffPo

Ross Matthews is a top. No, this is not a story from The Onion - SOW

Here's Drew Sidora as T-Boz, Keke Palmer as  Chilli and Lil' Mama as Left Eye in VH1's TLC biopic..... Hmmmm.. I don't remember Left Eye looking like a wonk-eyed special Muppet who's just been possessed - Indiewire

Zoe Saldana doesn't have to worry if the theater's bathroom is out of toilet paper, because she's got enough for everyone on her dress - Lainey Gossip 

Jamie Lynn Spears' water broke again -  Drunken Stepfather

Don't worry, Baby Kimye will make all that money back after Pimp Mama Kris shoves it out onto the stroll - The Superficial

A former nanny writes a book saying that Pimp Mama Kris is a horrible human being. Thank you, Caption Obvious - IDLYITW

What in penguin waiter HELL is Jaden Smith wearing? - Just Jared

Simon Cowell is just a little jealous, because Demi Lovato's chichis are almost more plump than his - Celebitchy

Happy Shirtless Friday, get the gallon tub of lube - The Berry 

Justin Bieber doesn't want a girl asking him out on a date because he's afraid he will lose his masculinity..... Too easy. - I'm Not Obsessed

Ryan Gosling and a water bottle. The end. - Popsugar

Those Millions of Crazy Bitches are pissed at a commercial about a dude manscaping, where the fuck were they when Trojan was whoring their pocket vibrators? - Towleroad

Lindsay Lohan has never looked hotter! - ICYDK

Gwen Stefani is still smearing her face with the coagulated blood of virgins - Popoholic

Be sure NOT to set your DVR on September 9th for Bethenny Frankenstein'ss talk show - Reality Tea

Alice Eve isn't afraid of gravity - Hollywood Tuna

Something to help put you to sleep tonight - OMG Blog

Miranda Kerr looks confused while pretending to play basketball - Moe Jackson

Sharpen your finger nails and help pop some black heads off of Jay Leno's chin - SOW

Detox was EVERYTHING at the RuPaul's Drag Race Reunion - Crunk and Disorderly

A 13-year-old Cher in her mug shot or Adam from Girls? - Towleroad

Lea Michele at a hockey game, too bad she wasn't the puck  - Lainey Gossip

It's a good thing Paulina Gretzky can have some privacy time with her pool and a cameraman - Drunken Stepfather

Jenny McCarthy pulls a Jenny McCarthy by talking about tween boners - The Superficial

Hilary Duff looks like a chipmunk stuck in a red Solo Cup - Hollywood Tuna

Katy Perry's super religious dad called her a "devil child," which would make him Satan then, right? - Celebitchy

Alternate title: Celebs With Spandex Crotch - The Berry

Goopy Paltrow just threw a duck egg at her publicist's head, because every magazine on the planet is supposed to name her the world's sexiest, most beautiful human - Popoholic

Suri must've left her post at the front door for a second, because she let Katie Holmes out of the house SANS FARDS - Just Jared

The jar of Manic Panic is in your court, Kingston Rossdale - ICYDK

But more importantly, why is Keira Knightley dressed like a toddler?   - Popsugar

Posh Beckham let Harper the 7th borrow a pair of her jeans - I'm Not Obsessed

Lil Wayne blames his seizures on epilepsy, not Sizzurp, again - IDLYITW

Georgia Salpa does her best Kim Kartrashian impression, looks better than the actual Kim Kartrashian while doing so (although, that's not saying much) - Moe Jackson

The bad shit might've killed Chris "Mac Daddy" Kelly - HuffPo

The only masters degree Backdoor Teen Mom Farrah is pursuing is one in fame whoring - RealityTea

Theme park rides made of chewing tobacco and beer.... Welcome to Lindsay Lohan's Shangri-La! - Videogum

...but twerking is better than tweaking, so lets look at the positive side of this situation - Jezebel

Scenes from Teen Mom Farrah's private backdoor sex tape... You can tell it was meant to be private, because it's lit bright and if you put your ear to one of the pictures, you can almost hear the director say, "Now stick the tip in her butt..." Totally private! - ICYDK

Queen Beatrix of the Netherlands abdicated the throne yesterday and all the royals from around the world came out except for the hottest royal of them all: the Duchess of Alba! - Lainey Gossip

Things I want in my mouth: Peeeeeeeen....yata cookies - The Berry 

Khlozilla is the Basement Baby of the Kartrashians - The Superficial 

RiRi's shoes look like alien intestines - Hollywood Tuna 

What Justin Bieber would look like if he had to pay his Lamborghini bills by turning tricks as a trans hip hop hooker - Drunken Stepfather

Benadryl Cumsinbatches is The Sun's sexiest British lizard - Celebitchy

I don't think shouting the word "bomb" in the middle of Boston is a good idea right now, but other than that, keep on, keep on, Kevin Spacey - Towleroad

I must be on the wrong kind of acid, because I actually like Zoe Saldana's fugged up dress - Popoholic

This is how most people react when they see Courtney Stodden up close - Jezebel

The Outsiders: Lesbian Version - Popsugar

Does Gorilla Head Giudice have an alibi? - Reality Tea 

Screw Jakey Gyllenhaal and screw Marcus Mumsthewordorwhatever! Who's the hot ho in the diamond sweater? - Just Jared

The drunk kettle calls the drunk pot a mean drunk - HuffPo

Why don't I remember these nipples from Ally McBeal? - OMG Blog

And A.J. "Fuckin' Shit" Clemente will start a Kickstarter campaign to get him to Hollywood in 3...2.. - Videogum

Belize from Angels in America got a DUI - Hollywood Rag 

How to use 27-piece hair as eye lashes and other priceless tips from The Real Housewives of Benning Road - Crunk + Disorderly

Sofia Vergara will have to use a leased baby oven if she wants to have another kid - I'm Not Obsessed

Either Johnny Depp's shirt is stained for the movie he's shooting or his trailer ran out of toilet paper - Lainey Gossip

Lance Bass gave coming out advice to Jason Collins, which makes sense since Lance Bass is the head of the gay community welcoming committee  - Towleroad

Pour some fruit cocktail on Brit Brit's cottage cheese and let's have a snack! - The Superficial

Alice Eve shows us what Barbie would look like if she got nipples sewn onto her tits - Hollywood Tuna

Ceiling Eyes still exists, but I wish somebody would tell her that she's only allowed to pose in magazines if her hot, drunken mother poses with her - Drunken Stepfather

Denise Richards is already competing with her daughter - Celebitchy

The Beliebers haven't offed Selena Gomez... yet - Popoholic

If a Real Housewife cries real tears, does she melt? - RealityTea

You can feel proud about living in the world today, because we're all living in a world where nobody is stupid enough to buy $30 socks from a Kartrashian - ICYDK

Pink is a reformed slut, but I've always said that once a slut, always a slut (I have tattooed on my ass lips) - Jezebel

Now I'm craving pistachio ice cream, thanks to Katy Perry - IDLYITW

Chris Brown confirms the obvious, but thanks for that - HuffPo

Why does AnnaLynne McCord think it's 1970? - Moe Jackson

The Black Hat Man from Poltergeist looks different.... - JustJared

And you know Kim and Kanye are going to try to get a tax write-off from those donations  - Popsugar

Cinco de Delicioso - The Berry

Sherri Shepherd serving up some Tasmanian Devil in daytime drag glamour - Crunk and Disorderly

Brad Garrett talks about his peen and let's never talk about Brad Garrett's peen again - SOW

My chihuahua and Leonardo DiCaprio have something else in common: they both like to make face love to the sun - Videogum

Those aren't cupping marks on Chris Martin's body! Those are burn marks from when Goopy Paltrow punished him for eating Oreos in their bed - Lainey Gossip 

How can I even focus on Rocky the musical when I'm too busy getting hypnotized by Sylvester Stallone's brows, which look like two angry ferrets arching their backs and preparing to attack -  Towleroad

Aubrey O'Day posing topless in front of the parking lot of an empty warehouse has to be a metaphor for something - Drunken Stepfather

Michael Jordan got married again, because what's the point of having all that money if you're not going to waste it on a multi-million dollar wedding and an eventual divorce settlement? - Celebitchy

The asshole doesn't fall far from the asshole tree - The Superficial 

I like the dress Miley Cyrus is wearing, but only because it's something She-Ra would wear if she was going to turn tricks by the train tracks - Hollywood Tuna 

I'll take #1 through #28 to go, please and thank you - The Berry 

How hasn't Tommy Girl dropped a contract in this hot beard's lap yet? - Popoholic

Did Jennifer Lawrence just play a game where she had to make a complete outfit out of crap found in a Salvation Army bin? - ICYDK

Martha Stewart should forget Match.com and be the next Bachelorette instead - Jezebel

Jamie Foxx might be Daddy Warbucks in the Annie remake........ - HuffPo

Did Madge have the piano wires in her face pulled tighter or is she wearing a mask made of painted porcelain? - Just Jared

Tim Tebow is out of a job, which means he'll be doing hardcore gay porn in 3..2.. - IDLYITW

Back to Selling L.A. for Marisa Zanuck - Reality Tea

Tom Welling still exists and is looking hotter - SOW

Did JLo go through Casper Smart's drawer and think that his bottle of butt lube was moisturizer, because she looks so shiny - Popsugar

Hugh Laurie's gone silver - I'm Not Obsessed

That otter totally got into and ate their stash of E - Hollywood Rag

My hero photobombs Pimp Mama Kris and does a spot-on Kartrashian Sister impersonation at the same time - Buzzfeed

Cameron Diaz probably took a weed whacker to the haunted forest on Goopy Paltrow's crotch - Lainey Gossip

Tuc Watkins will always be Dorian Lord's scheming boy toy to me and here he is talking about being a single gay dad - Towleroad

It's a good day when Brit Brit's tits are sitting in a bra and her weave looks like it just got back from the groomers - The Superficial 

Ashley Jizzdale once again proves that duckface is an incurable disease - Drunken Stepfather

Spoken look a true, bona fide Scientologist, Will Smith! - Celebitchy

The evolution of Tom Hardy - The Berry 

Shayne Lamas was recently hospitalized for stress caused by her marriage and I guess nothing soothes the nerves like a good old-fashioned staged photo shoot with your kid - Hollywood Tuna 

Avril Lavigne looks like one of the South Park vampire kids come to life - Popoholic

Screw Chelsea Handler, tell me more about her mullet-wearing sister on the far right - ICYDK

Daddy Spears needs to up Normal Guy Dave's clothing allowance - Just Jared

Pfft, White Oprah and Lindsay Lohan do this with crack smoke all the time - Jezebel

Um, to me, nothing is holier than being a Victoria's Secret Angel - IDLYITW

Katt Williams' community service sentence is a punishment to the community - HuffPo

I thought Ashton Kutcher was this country's premiere human sanitary pad - OMG Blog 

Brangelina are ruining the environment - I'm Not Obsessed

"Hey, y'all! I know y'all know my name, now where's the bar?" - Laura Jeanne Poon  - Popsugar

Melissa Gilbert got married - SOW

jeal·ous·y - an emotion I feel toward that plastic baby doll - Lainey Gossip

My ear drums haven't yet recovered from being beaten up by Russell Crowe's singing voice and now Hollywood is going to make sure that my ear drums stay bruised, because they want Channing Tatum to sing in the Guys & Dolls remake - The Berry 

Marvel is so wrong for putting Quicksilver in an Avengers movie after Andy Rooney's death, because he was the only one with brows glorious enough to play that role - The Superficial 

What Michelle Rodriguez is trying to say is that she likes a butch chick who knows how to operate a strap-on - Celebitchy

RuPaul gets in bed with Joan Rivers - Towleroad

This isn't a promo video for H&M. It's private home videos of Beyonce having a regular day at the beach - Drunken Stepfather

The look IS Kate Hudson looking like a mob mistress/used car dealership secretary - Hollywood Tuna 

Selena Gomez's doing the bindi thing again... - Popoholic

I didn't know Claire's sold yellow glass rings - Reality Tea 

Mischa Barton actually looks good in a "prairie time maid" sort of way - ICYDK

Ireland Baldwin is as good at dancing as Alec Baldwin is at not being a douche - IDLYITW

Well, aren't Elektra and Spider-Man arch rivals? - Just Jared

Chuck Bass is wearing the same outfit I wore to my first day of the 4th grade and it wasn't cute then and it really isn't cute now - Popsugar

Vanessa Minnillo is going to put the zzzzz in Ohio - Celebslam

My ears are the wettest in the building, because they're filled with barf - Crunk + Disorderly

The weirdest and most disturbing threesome I've seen in a while - SOW

"And the only boobs I'm interested in signing are the ones on Jesse Metcalfe!" said Tommy Girl - I'm Not Obsessed