Afternoon Crumbs

In "Thank the lawd for the kitty halftime show" news, Beyonce will headline the Super Bowl halftime show. I hope that Justin Timberlake performs with her and I hope that at the end their performance he rips her lace front off. - ICYDK

Ben Affleck has finally raised the white flag and is no longer fighting the hot - Lainey Gossip

But when can we start celebrating "Throw Ann Coulter Into An Active Volcano" Day? - Towleroad

Panty Creamer of the Day: Hulk Hogan's lawyer getting all sexy while talking about his client's sex tape - Celebitchy

Ashley Greene looks like the $1 delft vase I bought at Pic N' Save for my abuelita's birthday - Drunken Stepfather

Jennifer Love Hewitt still can't dress - Hollywood Tuna

Nobody wants to talk to Kelly Taylor's ass even Amanda Bynes - The Superficial 

Yes, they're really doing this Carrie remake - OMG Blog 

"Why is Foghorn Leghorn wearing that dress?" is what I hope Brit Brit will say on the first day of The X-Factor live shows - IDLYITW

Cameron Diaz bought a bunch of fancy clothes and she seems really happy about it - Popoholic

This is not what I had in mind when I Googled "Will Arnett balls deep" - SOW

This is not what I had in mind when I Googled "Sandra Bullock fingers Chelsea Handler in the shower" - Cityrag

DUH. - Hollywood Rag 

Another day, another picture of RPattz looks like he's scratching the unicorn lice in his enchanted forest hair - Popsugar

Jeremy Lin on GQ - Just Jared

White boy nipples alert - The Berry 

You know your pepaw's favorite funeral suit? Looks like Ciara snatched it out of the Salvation Army bin and butchered it up - Crunk + Disorderly

Thank you to W Magazine and ScarJo for showing us what it would look like if L.A. newscaster Colleen Williams played Rogue as The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo - Popsugar

This is either the first photo of Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson together or it's just another photo of two hungry weasels scrounging for food in your backyard - Entertainment Tonight

So, Grandma Ethel Kennedy's locked up in the basement and Taylor Swift is pretending to be her when having phone conversations with reporters from WENN. Makes sense! - Lainey Gossip

Hot, buff dude married hot, buff dude and I'm still waiting to see the wedding pictures, which I'm sure will show them in all their hot, buff dude glory - Towleroad

Taylor Momsen goes all nekkid and looks like zombie Kurt Cobain with titty balls - Hollywood Tuna 

If I say that Rumer Willis looks hot, will she use her chin to attack Lea Michele so that Glee trick can stop with the sexy posing already? - Celebitchy

Barbara Wawa is only interviewing Lindsay Lohan, because she'll look years younger next to that mess - The Superficial 

"Oh, I'm just going to bend over in front of these paps, because I'm Alessandra Ambrosio and I can do that." - Drunken Stepfather

Now we know where Adrien Brody gets his style tips from- The Berry 

"There goes the neighborhood" said a $2 crack whore after finding out the Kardashians were moving in next door - IDLYITW

Kim Kartrashian looks like a mangy, disease-ridden whore cat who got shaved for spaying. If only! - ICYDK

I'm not even going to try to pretend I know what the hell is on Miley Cyrus' body - Popoholic

Nate is no longer Naylor-ing ScarJo - Just Jared

WILL SOMEBODY HIT THE LIGHT SWITCH, I CAN'T SEE BOBBY CANNAVALE'S PEEN AND HOW CAN I FAP TO A DAMN SHADOW?! - OMG Blog

Today's boner breaker is brought to you by wrinkled butt wart Sean Penn slobbering from every pore over Madge's memaw crotch - Hollywood Rag

Almost a dozen reasons for why we need to leave Holly Golightly alone - Cityrag

Some evil bitches are trying to kill the chola eyebrow through surgery and I'd be all about this if they used pube hairs - Videogum

Either Kathie Lee Gifford dropped a puppy on its head or that puppy tried to commit suicide to escape her "chardonnay and Frank Gifford pubes" breath - Videogum

Jennifer Aniston is finally making a product that easily washes out the cookie dough that dried on your hair after you cried yourself to sleep in a bowl of some the night before - Lainey Gossip

Can't Ryan Murphy stop teasing and just give us a 13-part miniseries that's nothing but a topless Matt Bomer eating a banana real slow? - Towleroad

Katie Price's greatest achievement in life, besides making earth angel Harvey Price, is getting recognized for her contribution to fapping - Hollywood Tuna 

Miranda Kerr's rib bones stick out more than her chichis does - Drunken Stepfather

Gene Simmons is looking AWFUL - Celebitchy

"It's Justin Bieber Sex Tape Time" is the code phrase God needs to hear in order to finally hit the red button on us - The Superficial 

The third picture is the gateway to my nightmares - The Berry 

Abbie Cornish's dress looks like a swarm of butterflies smashed into it - Popoholic

How many damn 40th birthday parties does GOOPY need?! - Popsugar

The Dixie Chicks did it better on Entertainment Weekly - Just Jared

And The Dumbest Bitch in Texas award goes to.... - ICYDK

That is the cutest ball of dandruff I've ever seen - Cityrag

My guess is Samantha Ronson? - SOW

Why did I think this was JWoww? - I'm Not Obsessed

It's nice to know that somewhere out there is a hot piece who can do you missionary style while solving a Rubik's Cube - OMG Blog

"Fun" is short for fungus, right? - Hollywood Rag

Jon Hamm's peen makes an encore appearance and I hope this leads to a multi-episode arch on Mad Men - The Superficial

Elizabeth Hurley >>>>>>>> Lady CaCa - Lainey Gossip

Tyler Shields' photo shoots always look like the fourth place winner at a community college photography show and this shoot with the cast of Revenge is no exception - The Berry

Maria Menonous is totally thinking to herself, "If I get close enough to Cynthia Nixon I might be able to smell Rojo Caliente's saliva." - Hollywood Tuna

A horny DanRad looks sort of hot until I stare at it too long and start to see two lizard tails breaking into his forehead - Towleroad

Well, we now know that The Lone Ranger people bought everything from the Wild, Wild West fire sale - Celebitchy

Paz Vega wears an arm bra on GQ Mexico - Drunken Stepfather

The Chipolte spotlight stealer wasn't shocked that Mitt Romney was actually posing with non-white people, he was just making his excited face - Buzzfeed

And after Whole Foods, they drove to the free clinic so Minka Kelly could pick up some Valtrex for Chris Evans since she might've given him the gift Derek Jeter gave her - Popoholic

Oh, so NOW Kelly Taylor wants her own life after stealing Brenda Walsh's? Interesting. - ICYDK

David Beckham gives a bus full of star watchers a moon show (sort of) - Just Jared

A trick who hasn't ever paid for her crimes wants another trick to pay for his crimes - IDLYITW

Please don't tell me GOOPY wants to play Belinda Carlisle - OMG Blog

So you know that friend you go to dinner with who takes FOREVER ordering and makes the server roll their eyes and shit? Mary's that friend - Videogum

There's only one kind of pussy allowed in the strip club - Crunk + Disorderly

This is how Xtina scrapes her make-up off every night - Cityrag

Who needs panties when you can use Daniel Craig's head as a coochie cover? - Popsugar

THE LOOK is Winona Ryder as a trashy biker skank - Lainey Gossip

Lady CaCa can finally retire and let Rebel Wilson sing all of her songs for her from now on - Towleroad

Chestica Simpson keeps it demure and classy in shorty shorts and platform stilts - Hollywood Tuna 

ScarJo dressed like she's about to have a quickie wedding at City Hall - Popoholic

Dear LeAnn Rimes, all of your pain and so-called anguish will go away if you put your Falcor finger on something called the DELETE button - Celebitchy

That River Viiperi dude should punch himself for boning Parasite Hilton - The Superficial 

Lea Michele needs to give that tutu back to the baby ballerina she stole it from, because it's not a titty cover and it's not a good look - Drunken Stepfather

I hope Khloe Kardashian hosts X-Factor while bench pressing Mario Lopez the entire time - The Berry 

Panty Creamer of the Day: Football-playing gay rights advocate Chris Kluwe in Out Magazine - Just Jared

Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry shared the same air and managed to not beat each other with pumpkins while doing so - ICYDK

They should've went for ONE more drink - OMG Blog

South Park perfectly captures the divine grace of Honey Boo Boo Chile and Mama June - SOW

AJ Johnson should replace that cap with a helmet if she knows what's good for her - Crunk + Disordelry

JLo's forehead rises - I'm Not Obsessed

Okay, whatever, but for why does Scott Stapp look like he just fell off the face of a Garbage Pail Kids card? - Videogum

The other day I was watching some crap on the local news about how iPhone theft is on the rise and then I see this story about how Lindsay Lohan is snatching away people's phones for taking pictures of her. A total coincidence I'm sure. - I'm Not Obsessed

Scenes from the new movie Mad Max: Beyond Thunderthighs - The Berry 

If you were in Poland yesterday and just so happened to stick your peen in a glory hole, you could've been licked by Casper Smart himself - Lainey Gossip

Australian realtor Kieren Gray knows that man nipples are the secret ingredients to selling a house - Towleroad

Please, open up and take your vitamin E (for elegance) by looking at these pictures of England's finest rose - Hollywood Tuna 

Did one of the Toddlers & Tiaras mom style this Cameron Diaz photo shoot? - Drunken Stepfather

What I'm getting from this is that Kristen Stewart hates armpit sex. PRUDE! - Celebitchy

White Oprah giving parenting advice to Amanda Bynes' parents is like John Travolta giving Tommy Girl advice on sex with a vagina - The Superficial 

Ali Landry is not really on land and she's totally not dry. I'll see myself out. - Popoholic

But doesn't Kristen Stewart ALWAYS look like a pile of dirty clothes that magically came to life? - ICYDK

It's all awwwws and warm tingles until one of them bites the other one's nose off - Cityrag

Kristie Alley is looking exquisitely gorgeous and I'm only saying that because she looks like La Bruja mashed together with Mickey Rourke - Celebslam

Justin Timberlake is too good to show full crack - OMG Blog 

January Jones went to Whole Foods and you probably just went to the emergency room after almost dying from over-excitement from reading the first part of this sentence - Popsugar

HAND ME MY SHANK! - Just Jared

Joanna Krupa somehow found a way to make herself look even more tacky - Moe Jackson

Jennifer Garner used the phrase "wonder sperm" - Hollywood Rag 

Men hate wedges, so says Mindy Kaling - I'm Not Obsessed

(Pic via PCN)

Javier Bardem's shooting The Counselor and I think it's safe to assume that he's either playing Pauly D: The Later Years or a meth lab explosion victim (same thing, really) - Lainey Gossip 

Next time you see Emilia Clarke, ask her if it's true Seth MacFarlane orgasms in his Family Guy voice - Celebitchy

Can someone please give Cassie like 40 boxes of blotting papers? - Hollywood Tuna 

Barbra Streisand serving up some Lee-Press On realness in her new comedy with Seth Rogen - Towleroad

Crimping your head hair is only okay if you crimp your crotch hair too - The Berry 

Hilary Duff's legs look like two neon markers - Popoholic

This makes me glad that Twitter didn't exist when Ike and Tina were still a thing - The Superficial 

Guess what? ABC is doing something they've never done before! They are really breaking barriers this time. They're changing the face of television. Everything has changed! ....Yeah, they chose another white guy to be The Bachelor - ICYDK

Leonardo DiCatchAHo shows us what a casting call to be his next girlfriend looks like - Popsugar

Kate Upton does slutty Little Edie in Jalouse - Drunken Stepfather

Blonde Natalie Portman looks like a skinnier Hayden Pantyairs - Just Jared

"From the director of Clueless" is all I needed to know - OMG Blog

Dickmatized: Katy Perry has come down with it again - IDLYITW

Where was an ostrich-hungry hawk when we needed it most? - Hollywood Rag

Winona Ryder's STAINS impersonation is getting there - Cityrag

Kirstie Alley's getting some, maybe - I'm Not Obsessed

The answer is: Kunty Karl, obviously - Videogum

The Real Houseflies of Atlanta will be down one wig this season - Crunk + Disorderly

(Pic via PCN)

Prince William said he wants two kids and Duchess Kate sipped on water instead of wine at a state reception in Singapore, so now everyone thinks she's got a serious case babies. But didn't anyone think that Duchess Kate is only sipped on water, because she did ecstasy in the bathroom with the PM's wife and booze and ecstasy so don't mix well together. That's the most reasonable explanation. - Lainey Gossip 

Speaking of popping ecstasy - Videogum

Brit Brit even dances derpy - The Berry 

Doutzen Kroes has a 4-pack on her back and I'm halfway through eating a 4-pack of Pringles cups - The Superficial 

Please tell me that's Carnie Wilson as one of the Scissors Sister's back-up dancers - Towleroad

Kylie and Kendall Jenner don't need a stupid high school diploma, because they're working toward getting their FWDs (fame whore degrees) right now - Celebitchy

And so the viral marketing for Spring Breakers begins - Drunken Stepfather

Miley Cyrus still insists on being a walking reboot of Who's That Girl? - Hollywood Tuna 

Scientology is totally going to repurpose this video and make it their new orientation video - OMG Blog

The photographer caught Minka Kelly's "looking like a young JLo here" angle - Popoholic

"I'm Angelina Jolie and you can tell I'm serious about this issue, because I'm wearing my 'very serious about this issue' muumuu" - Popsugar

Bitches need to calm their asses, it could've been a whole lot worse, it could've been a picture of Jessica Simpson in that crocheted bikini instead - ICYDK

Lady CaCa got herself a busted haircut in honor of Terry Richardson's late mom - Hollywood Rag

Yes, these pictures of Joanna Krupa are completely natural and she totally washes her own Ferrari all the time and she totally wears a bikini while washing it - Celebslam

Almost as cute as Jon Hamm's dangling nutsack - Cityrag

GOOPY Paltrow being named best dressed by People (see: Peon) Magazine is kind of a burn to her. Now if it was ABOVE The People Magazine.... - I'm Not Obsessed

The new Spock admits that he plays with dude from Glee's peen on a full-time basis - Just Jared

When you go into the clinic in Hell to lipo out the fat parts of your soul, this is what greets you at the reception desk - Lainey Gossip

Olivia Munn rides a hog (and no, this isn't about an Olivia Munn and Jeremy Piven sex tape) - The Superficial 

Panty Creamer of the Day: Matt Boner as a boxer - Towleroad

So Blake NotSoLively just naturally talks like a drunk on downers - Celebitchy

A walk down Original Noses Lane - The Berry 

Alessandra Ambrosio is either trying to wink at me or she just sucked off a lemon - Hollywood Tuna 

Elisabetta Canalis does a bondage theme photo shoot for some magazine, but nothing is more painful than the world knowing you've had Steve-O's balls in your mouth - Drunken Stepfather

If you drew two eyes and a nose over one of Miley Cyrus' brows, it would make an "errrrrr" face and that's the same face I make whenever I look at her new hair - Just Jared

Mary J. Blige at the DNC - Crunk + Disorderly 

Here's Snooki's idea of a breast pumping station - Viralosity

Still pregnant: Reese Witherspoon is - Popsugar

I'm hoping this is the closest we'll ever get to seeing a Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison sex tape - Cityrag

Russian school girls are not the one - SOW

"Okay, okay, my pet, I'll put one of your whores on my show." - Simon Cowell to Ryan Gaycrest as they spoon on his yacht - ICYDK

It's nice to see James Franco all dressed up - Popoholic

A German actor has a peen, showed it in a movie and here it is - (NSFW) OMG Blog 

Carson Daly still exists and is a dad again - I'm Not Obsessed

Kelly Brook woke up one day and decided that the world hasn't seen enough of her chichis in a bra and that's how this FHM cover came to be - Hollywood Rag 

Mimi paid homage to Locomía at the NFL kickoff last night - Lainey Gossip 

RiRi took her weave off - The Berry

Beyonce joins the rest of the world in hating Kim Kardashian - The Superficial 

My apologies to Ellen DeGeneres for thinking this was her for a quick second - Drunken Stepfather

Kellie Pickler shaved her head and not in a Brit Brit gone crazy sort of way - Celebitchy

Talent is Sofia Vergara swallowing a banana with no teefs - Hollywood Tuna 

The fiber optic angel on my Japanese grandma's Christmas tree did it better - Towleroad

What in the hell kind of Republican first lady shit is Katie Holmes wearing? - Just Jared

"Nicole Richie looks hot" are four words I didn't think I'd ever type together - Popoholic

Elle collects another Photoshop Award trophy for the hard work they did on Our Lady of Cheetos - ICYDK

Andy Roddick ends his professional tennis career with a (insert the opposite of BANG here) - Popsugar

"This is just like my life!" - GOOPY Paltrow while watching the new Downton Abbey trailer - OMG Blog

More like Brit Brit gave Justin Timberlake a $20 gift certificate to Island Burgers as a wedding gift - IDLYITW

The moment several innocent bystanders learned the awful truth: bumper cars make Nick Nolte barf at both ends - Videogum

Ochocinco keeps the stunts going - Crunk + Disorderly

I think I'd rather get white dog shit in my stocking than watch Christmas Story #2 - SOW

Breaking: Model with a perfect body loves modeling her perfect body - Hollywood Rag

The Cult of Long Luscious Man Hair - Cityrag

That stream of smoke rising about Manhattan is just from Ryan Lochte trying to memorize his lines on the set of 30 Rock - I'm Not Obsessed