Boo Hoo Bitch
Apparently, The Difficult Brown deleted his Instagram page right after Jesus' lawyer sent him a cease and desist for using his shitty art to compare himself to God and St. Bea Arthur's child (Jesus is Bea Arthur's biological child and you can't tell me otherwise). But MTV News says Chris Brown has another account on Instagram that's private and he used it to cry butt tears of woe over the latest mound of shit that he created and stepped in. Chris Brown once again threw himself on the cross and bitch and moaned about he's sick of people throwing hate at him. It really is hard out for there for an entitled rage monster who thinks that he's above the law (see also: Lindsay Lohan).
Chris Brown is right. Why can't everyone just leave Chris Brown alooooone, because it's obvious that he's a changed man who has totally taken responsibility for being an asshole and shows this every day through his actions. You know when Chris Brown murdered a mirror with a chair at Good Morning America? That was a changed man! You know when Chris Brown got into a parking lot brawl with Frank Ocean instead of walking away to avoid trouble? That was a changed man! You know how Chris Brown made up all those community service hours because he thinks he's above the law? That's a changed man!
Chris Brown isn't Jesus. That's unfair to say, because Chris Brown has it worse than Jesus! Jesus was just nailed to a cross and left to bleed and starve to death. Chris Brown has to deal with bitches on Twitter and the media constantly calling him out for being an unchanged asshole. That's worse! Churches everywhere should swipe out their statues of Jesus on the cross for statues of Chris Brown crying in front of a laptop at all the mean comments, because that's real suffering.
And please, like anything is going to happen to Chris in court today. It's California! But maybe he should change his last name to "Lohan" to make sure.
UPDATE: Chris Brown denies this rant came from him and says it came from a fake Instagram account. I should've known it wasn't him when he said he wasn't Jesus.
It's been three long ass years since LeAnn Rimes broke her marriage vows to her husband Dean Rainbow Sherbert by breaking her coochie on Eddie Cibrian's taken dick and she's still weeping about it in front of cameras. During an interview with fellow praying mantis Giuliana Rancic for an E! special about her life, LeAnn continued to milk her affair with Eddie for attention and pushed out invisible tears while talking about it. Giuliana asked LeAnn why did she act on her horniness for Eddie while they were both married, and instead of being truthful by saying she wanted some good dick and he wanted a checking account full of gold, she said this (via UsWeekly):
"That is a huge question. I never, ever in my heart want to hurt anyone. But . . . I don't think anything can separate anything that's super-connected. You might have had so many wonderful things with each other's spouses in your relationship, but something along the way broke that. You can't break what's broken already. No one . . . will ever understand how much thought and hurt, even towards each, other were put into our decision [to divorce our spouses and stay together]."
This is how much thought was put into their decision to divorce their spouses:
"DIS DICK IS GOOD!" - LeAnn
"DIS MONEY IS GOOD!" - Eddie
But seriously, LeAnn needs to stop fake crying about this shit in interviews and on Twitter and put it all in album of songs like any self-respecting attention whore does (see: Taylor Swift).
If you need to see LeAnn ugly cry while talking about this, watch the clip below:
When she cries she looks like a blob fish trying to sneeze and I don't think I've stared at someone's nostrils as hard as I stared at LeAnn's during that clip. Do LeAnn's nostrils always look like that or do they just look extra wonky when she fake cries?