My chihuahua is giving me the silent treatment this morning because I dissed his bitches by not going to see "Beverly Hills Chihuahua" this weekend. Actually, he would have given me the silent treatment anyway because he's too busy being a lazy son of a bitch! Honestly, does he really need to sleep 23.5 hours a day?
Yeah, I was a bad chihuahua owner by not handing over $12 (seriously) to see this masterpiece. If there was a weed hookah and booze bar at the theater, I would've been the first ho in line. I didn't brave the screaming brats and stoners, but a lot of whores did. BHC was the #1 movie of the weekend with $29 million! 29 fucking million! And those dogs probably got paid in stale cat cookies!
This definitely means that Disney is going to whore out these dogs even more by putting out several sequels. The pimps at Disney should greenlight The Soup's idea for "South Central Chihuahua." Throw in a couple of gorgeous cholita puppies and I smell another winner. Clip below:
Hannah Montana slaughtered her competition at the box office this weekend. The "Hannah Montana & Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert Tour" 3-D movie only opened on 683 screens, but still brought in $29 million. That's around $42,000 per screen. Jessica Alba's "The Eye" didn't stand a chance. It came in second with only $13 million.
As expected, Eva LongWHORIA's movie flopped. It managed to bring in $4.6 million. It still did better than Jessica Simpson's last movie. Here's how the weekend box office looked:
1. Hannah Montana - $29 million
2. The Eye - $13 million
3. 27 Dresses - $8.4 million
4. Juno - $7.4 million
5. Meet the Spartans - $7.1 million
6. Rambo - $7 million
7. The Bucket List - $6.8 million
8. Untraceable - $5.4 million
9. Cloverfield - $4.9 million
10. There Will Be Blood - $4.7 million
Hannah Montana scares the shit out of me. She's taking over the world. I wonder which Presidential candidate she's going to support, because that's the winner right there.
Entertainment Weekly has named Denise Richards as Dr. Christmas Jones the worst Bond girl of all-time. I agree, but Pierce Brosnan did have the best Bond line ever thanks to Christmas Jones. It was at the end of the movie when Bond and Christmas are doing it on a building or something and he says, "I thought Christmas only came once." I spit out my Mr. Pibb in the movie theater to that line.
Here's the rest of the worst list:
10. Maud Adams as Octopussy in Octopussy
9. Lynn-Holly Johnson as Bibi Dahl in For Your Eyes Only
8. Lois Chiles as Holly Goodhead (amazing name) in Moonraker
7. Cary Lowell as Pam Bouvier in License to Kill
6. Britt Ekland as Mary Goodnight in The Man with the Golden Gun
5. Karin Dor as Helga Brandt in You Only Live Twice
4. Maryam D'Abo as Kara Milovy in The Living Daylights
3. Corrine Clery as Corrine Dufour in Moonraker
2. Tanya Roberts as Stacey Sutton in A View to a Kill
1. Denise Richards as Dr. Christmas Jones in The World is Not Enough
And the best:
10. Carole Bouquet as Melina Havelock in For Your Eyes Only
9. Jill St. John as Tiffany Case in Diamonds are Forever
8. Lotte Lenya as Rosa Klebb in From Russia with Love
7. Michelle Yeoh as Wai Lin in Tomorrow Never Dies
6. Famke Janssen as Xenia Onatopp in Goldeneye
5. Barbara Bach as Anya Amasova in The Spy Who Loved Me
4. Eva Green as Vesper Lynd in Casino Royale
3. Diana Rigg as Tracy Di Vicenzo in On Her Majesty's Secret Service
2. Honor Blackman as Pussy Galore in Goldfinger
1. Ursula Andress as Honey Ryder in Dr. No
Where's Grace Jones, Jane Seymour, Kim Basinger and Teri Snatcher?! Kim, Jane and Teri can all go on the worst list. Grace definitely needed to be on the best. She really should have played James Bond instead, but her Bond girl was one of my faves.
Denise as the worst is on point. Denise as a research scientist? She can't even spell that.
Image: Rope of Silicon
Lindsay Lohan's hard work in "I Know Who Killed Me" has paid off. Linds was nominated for 3 Razzie Awards this morning. She was nominated for Worst Actress twice as well as Worst Screen Couple, because she plays two people. Congratulations! Here's the rest of the nominations:
Worst Picture of the Year
Daddy Day Camp
I Know Who Killed Me
I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry
Worst Actor of the Year
Nicolas Cage, Ghost Rider & National Treasure: Book of Secrets
Jim Carrey, The Number 23
Cuba Gooding Jr., Daddy Day Camp
Eddie Murphy (as Norbit), Norbit
Adam Sandler, I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry
Worst Actress of the Year
Jessica Alba, Awake, Fantastic Four & Good Luck Chuck
All 4 chicks from the Bratz movie
Elisha Cuthbert, Captivity
Diane Keaton, Because I Said So
Lindsay Lohan (as Aubrey), I Know Who Killed Me
Lindsay Lohan (as Dakota), I Know Who Killed Me
Click here to see the rest of the nominations
I have a feeling Linds is going to sweep this year! I'm also pretty shocked that Norbit got so many nominations. That was some good shit! Shit being the key word. That should be up for the Oscars not the Razzies. Oh well. Different strokes.
In the film, Sandler will play a Mossad agent who runs off to America to be a hairdresser shaming his parents. Carey, as herself, will run afoul of Zohan's former nemesis, The Phantom, launching Zohan and pals back into action.