Mel Gibson isn't the only one drawing a DO NOT CROSS line in catechism chalk around his nasty body. TMZ says that Mel's latest baby mama Oksana Grigorieva fired the first restraining order shot, because she claims he has physically assaulted her on several occasions. Post-Signs Mel Gibson has been psychically and emotionally assaulting our eyes and ears for years, so maybe OctoSana is telling the truth.
Several sources say that OctoSana's lawyers asked for an emergency hearing with a judge on Monday. They argued that Mel brought the passion of his fist on OctoSana several times in January. A source went on to explain, "There were other acts after January that were not physical but still constituted domestic violence."
BUT a different source close to Mel says that OctoSana is shitting all over the Ninth Commandment by LYING about Mel beating her. That source said, "In these cases, when somebody cries wolf, the judge is mandated to assume there's a wolf, until a full hearing can be held."
So after OctoSana restrained Mel, he ran down to court to get a restraining order against her to keep her from talking to the media.
If OctoSana really wants to keep Mel away, she should just put a yarmulke over her crotch and stick a piece of Challah bread in her hair. That will keep that douchemonster away. But seriously, what happened to Mel? How did he go from being a sex symbol who could tear a pair panties apart with the wink of an eye to being a gross drunk that only Vanilla Gorilla can get hard to? I know The Singing Detective was some real shit, but DAMN!
Scientists and doctors confirm that two full straight out with Courtney Love will leave your brain damaged beyond repair, and my two semi-working brain cells are already searching for the exit so I think I'll stay away from her Behind the Music which airs this Monday. But I did manage to get through this preview without my medulla oblongata filing for emancipation, but I'm sure it came close.
This mess is like Courtney's Facebook rants come to life. While watching it I felt like I was a 10-year-old runaway sitting in a darkened freight train headed towards Texas and listening to some crazed hobo rattle on about how he used to be a big time rock star back in the day before the dragon got a hold of his soul.
If it's way too early for you to see Courtney in moving picture form, I've written up some of her best quotes below. The crackie does know how to spit out a quote for the ages:
"I get this shit, because I'm the only fucking chick standing. And I'm a crazy bitch, and I'm a widow. And it makes me sick. It's fucking pathetic. Stop it, or I'll fucking kill you!"
"They begged me to get an abortion. I knew full well that my zygote was fine. Full fucking well, so I was like suck it."
"Don't call your band Nine Inch Nails if you've got a three inch one. My band is called Hole. It's not called Little Hole. It's not called Big Hole. It's not called Flapping Noni. It's not called Teeny Rose Bud. It's not called Barbie Pussy. It's called Hole."
"I was asking someone, Why does Rohypnol have such a bad rap? And they said, 'Well, memory loss.' Well, that's what happens when I meet someone and I don't know if I hate them, like them, or what. But I know it's something... Did I fuck 'em? I don't know."
Barbie Pussy. I mean, what else needs to be said?
Kelly Bensimon, who collects a check for bullying other women on The Real Housecrazies of NYC, shot this PSA on her flip cam in her guest room to raise awareness about bullying. Because whether you're a 4-year-old, a 10-year-old, a 40-year-old woman or a weathered leather duffel bag filled with crazy, being bullied is never okay.
If this isn't proof that two men in lab coats need to bully Kelly into a straitjacket, I don't know what is. And Kelly is bullying our eye balls by forcing us to stare at that fugly ass Rent-A-Room armchair.
You might be wondering what baby I'm talking about since all you see is a field of calcified giant Chiclets, but just tilt your head to the left and back up a bit. There's BABY posing with his father Gary Busey for Entertainment Tonight.
It's good to see that Gary's girlfriend didn't give birth to a humongous pair of dentures, but I do have one concern. If Baby Luke should find himself alone in a forest for some reason and a deranged horse (or a rabid beaver) came at him, would he hug it and call it daddy or would he crawl away FOR HIS LIFE like he should? Hm. Something to ponder.
And here's another one:
Baby Luke looks so excited, because he's seeing his reflection in Gary Busey's huge ass teefs for the first time!
Or where are the men in white coats when you need them? On today's Ty Ty's Hour of Foolery, she pranked her audience by pretending to foam at the mouth and bark like a dog. Um. Somebody should tell Ty Ty that a prank is supposed to shock people. Most of the audience probably didn't even bat an eye, because Ty Ty is always foaming at the mouth and barking at hos. This isn't a prank. This is an hourly occurrence. CRAZY naturally runs through her veins.
Ty Ty's staff should've pranked her ass back by having the dog catcher come out and drag her ass down to the pound. And you know nobody wants to adopt her.
But seriously, Ty Ty only did this to give Joel McHale a sweet tingle. This is like a dance of seduction meant only for him. Lou better tuck his tail in, because this will be the clip of the weeeeeeek.
Randy Quaid and his equally batshit crazy wife Evi finally showed up to court today in Santa Barbara, Ca. hoping that the judge would forgive them for missing several hearings. Instead of receiving forgiveness from the judge, they received a trip to the chokey!
Last week, the judge put a warrant out on their crazy asses after they didn't show up for a scheduled court date. When the Quaids casually strolled into a Santa Barbara, CA court room this morning, Judge Frank Ochoa was not amused by their antics. He yelled at them for disrespecting the court and also told them he didn't think it was cute that they brought Randy's Golden Globe to their last hearing. Yes, Randy and Evi thought the judge would be dazzled by his shiny Golden Globe. He's a judge, not a fucking gay kitten! If you want to hypnotize the judge, bring him an ice cream cupcake, not a stupid Golden Globe. I swear.
After Judge Ochoa finished reaming them without lube, he threw them in jail and set their bail at $100,000. The Quaids will remain in the clink until this Wednesday. Judge Ochoa will then decide if their case goes to trial.
All of this mess started when Randy and his wife skipped out on a $10,000 bill at some fancy resort in Santa Barbara. They have since paid the bill, but prosecutors say a crime was still committed.
Speaking of crimes, what are they wearing in that picture above. Besides natural healers and Steven Seagal, what grown man dresses like Dorothy Zbornak vacationing in Santa Fe? And Evi's "kindergarten teacher going to a Halloween party as an 80s German prostitute" look is NOT THE LOOK (okay, maybe it is just a little).
And when are these two lunatics getting their own reality show? This kind of crazy should be put on a pedestal so that we can all point and laugh at it. "Ha! Ha! Look at those crazy dumb ass bitches!" - me while watching their reality show
Justin Bieber was supposed to crawl and goo-goo-ga-ga in a free outdoor concert in Australia this morning, but it was canceled after thousands of crazed fangirls swarmed the venue at 2 this morning. Many girls had been camping out near the arena since last night. Justin wasn't supposed to take the stage until later on in the morning, but a rumor that he had arrived early caused the fetusholics to rush the arena. One girl probably got a whiff of baby diarrhea and figured Bieber's mommy was changing him in the back. Baby diarrhea ruins everything!
Several girls were taken to the hospital after they were crushed during the chaos. About ten girls were treated at the scene after they fainted.
Justin later performed one song from the safety of a studio.
This is ridiculous. Justin Bieber is turning tween girls into lesbian-loving pedophiles! I mean, fainting over a newborn fetus?! Only OctoMom does that shit! Although, I guess it's better that they are worshiping a baby instead of having one (I think).
Here's a few pictures of Australian tweens suffering through the most devastating experience of their lives. They tried to commit mass suicide, but downing 3 Flinstones Vitamins didn't really do the trick.
Courtney Love, the trout/mermaid hybrid who got caught in a gay fisherman's net, is taking a Magic Eraser to the name everyone knows her as. Courtney Love no longer wants to be called Courtney Love.
In an interview with NME (via BBC), Courtney says, "Courtney Love is dead. We've all decided we don't like her any more. We love her when she goes onstage, but I don't need her in the rest of my life. The name Courtney Love is a way to oppress me."
Courtney Love is now going by the name Courtney Michelle. Her birth name is Courtney Michelle Harrison.
Was she snorting light bulb dust when she came up with this mess? Why Courtney Michelle? Why not Courtney Fierce? Or as most of us call her That Crazy? Or even Madame Jr.?
The name Courtney Michelle is some terrible crap. It sounds like a bratty child star turned cross-country stripper turned born again Christian turned perky middle-aged receptionist who tries to sell stupid Mary Kay crap to everyone in the office. You roll your eyes as soon as you hear the clickity clack clack of her Sam & Libby pumps. Courtney Michelle has kids named after every season for fuck's sake!
Insanely insane Kirstie Alley tells Ladies' Homes Journal how Scientology helped(?) her:
"Scientology helps you lose your insanities. One of the keys is to say, 'You're in charge of your life, buster. You're responsible for any condition you're in.' I've been irresponsible many, many, many times and that has resulted in me being fat."
Remember that episode of Desperate Housewives where the series creator Marc Cherry slappity slapped slapped Edie across the face after she sassed his ass one day? Well, you shouldn't remember it because it never happened onscreen, but it did go down behind the scenes. That's what Nicollette Sheridan is saying anyway.
TMZ reports that Nicollette filed a lawsuit against Marc Cherry saying that he was Joan Crawford to her Christina. In the documents, Nicollette claims that on September 24, 2008, Marc hit her in the face and head after she ate the last bear claw. No, he allegedly brought down his hand on her after she questioned something in the script. After Nicollette went to her trailer, Marc knocked on her door and begged for her forgiveness
When Nicollette complained to ABC about Marc's abusive ways, they didn't do anything about it. Marc's acts of cuntery got worse until he eventually fired her from the show.
Nicollette claims she wasn't the only one who suffered abuse at the hand of Marc Cherry Bomb. Nicollette says that he behaved in an "extremely abusive and aggressive manner toward the individuals who work on the show." She even says in the lawsuit that when Teri Hatcher complained to the network about Marc, he said out loud, "I hope Teri Hatcher gets hit by a car and dies."
Nicollette is suing for assault and battery, gender violence and wrongful termination. She wants $20 million or more.
The camera dudes on DH need to turn their lenses around and start following Marc Cherry's bald head. It sounds like he's the crazy bitch who really brings the theatrical bitchiness. I mean, who (allegedly) slaps Edie in the face? Edie's the one who does the slapping around there, not the other way around. If this mess is true, Marc needs to go sit next to the vending machine in the break room and leave the slapping to the professionals.