Either this is some serious Life of Pi-like CGI trickery or David Bowie and Tilda Swinton are actually two separate alien gods from a planet where beings are made from the core of diamonds.
Besides a Sally Kirkland sighting, something was missing from my Oscar Sunday and that something was Tilda Swinton looking like a majestic horn-less unicorn towering over all those simple bitches, but this video more than makes up for that. Somebody finally heard our screams and prayers and put Tilda and Bowie together in the video for his single The Stars (Are Out Tonight). It's also got models Saskia de Brauw, Andrej Pejic and Saskia De Brauw in it and it's a genderfuck kaleidoscope for your eyes. Everybody in this is so damn angular. It's like they were made with the help of a protractor. Tilda, Bowie, androgynous nipples, beautiful protractor people and ice blue eyeliner are the only things your eyes need today.
I hope that this is just Bowie sticking the tip in and the shaft is a Bowie biopic starring Tilda and a Tilda biopic starring Bowie. Yes, today is the day that I learned that Tilda and Bowie are two different beings and thank the fuck for that.
It was 66 years ago that David Bowie fell to Earth inside of a star, and to celebrate this special day he has given us all the greatest gift of all. No, he didn't announce that he's starring in a remake of The Parent Trap with his planet twin Tilda Swinton. Bowie has given us a new song. Bowie's new single is called "Where Are We Now?" and it should've been called "Where Are YOU Now?" because that's the one question whores have been asking about him for years. Call off the search and tear his face off the milk carton, because Bowie has been found. Thank God.
David Bowie's website announced that his new song can be downloaded on iTunes right this second and his first album in 10 years "The Next Day" comes out on March 12th (March 8th in Australia since they're always in the future). Here's a piece of what was written on the birthday card attached to Bowie's gift to us:
In recent years radio silence has been broken only by endless speculation, rumor and wishful thinking ....a new record...who would have ever thought it, who'd have ever dreamed it! After all David is the kind of artist who writes and performs what he wants when he wants...when he has something to say as opposed to something to sell. Today he definitely has something to say.
Produced by long term collaborator Tony Visconti, 'Where Are We Now?' was written by Bowie, and was recorded in New York. The single is accompanied by a haunting video directed by Tony Oursler which harks back to David's time in Berlin. He is seen looking in on footage of the auto repair shop beneath the apartment he lived in along with stark images of the city at the time and a lyric constantly raising the question Where Are We Now?
"The moment you know, you know you know" resonates from the new single's lyric. Now we all know...David Bowie has been in the recording studio...just when we least expected it!!
And here's his new song and video:
Who cares if those creepy conjoined teddy bear twins were made with Elf Yourself? I don't even care that the cover for David Bowie's new single is some MS Paint shit and that my dog could've done it with one paw while scratching at his anal glands with the other, I'm just happy that David Bowie is actually doing things. I'm also happy that in his triumphant return to music videos, David Bowie has included a starter butt plug. That's what's sitting on the table to the left, right? Yeah, I thought I recognized it. It's been a while.