Henry Cavill

Beeeeeeeeeehl can photobomb all he wants, but he can't take the spotlight away from Soookeh's movie theater snack of a dress and her Sunday afternoon hair. I call it Sunday afternoon hair, because that's what it looks like when you comb leave-in-conditioner in your hair and let it sit in there while you catch up on episodes of Big Rich Texas.

Five months after giving birth to her twin fairy vampire babies, ASkars Jr. and ASkarina, Anna Paquin went to Tom Ford's pre-Oscar party looking like a malnourished lady Predator who just sucked on a big, fat lemon. I just want to use one of Anna's Ginsu knife cheekbones to cut a piece of licorice off her dress. Everybody should take note. Don't bother styling your hair after you get out of the shower and always wear a dress that can double as a midnight snack.

Here's a few pictures of some other hos at last night's party: Tom Ford (looking like the hottest member of a secret non-government agency that polices extraterrestrial aliens.... keep Anna away from him!), Solange Knowles Miss J, Superman with Gina Carano, Allison Williams with her TV mom Rita Wilson, Garcelle Beauvais and Elton John with David Furnish.

It's been about eight months since Henry Cavill broke up with his drunk-driving, horse-abusing (allegedly!) fiancee and sadly during that eight months he didn't rebound into your bed. He rebounded into Gina Carano's bed instead. Henry and Gina officially came out as a couple at last night's Critics' Choice Awards in Santa Monica, CA and he also officially came out as a user of Sun-In, because THAT HAIR.

Gina, who was nominated for Best Actress in an Action Movie for Haywire, and Henry have been bumping hard nips since September. That's what E! says anyway. There's a rumor that they first met on the set of the Man of Steel, because Gina shot a cameo as a Wonder Woman. I'll wait to raise my "PIMP MAMA KRIS WAS ROBBED" picket sign until this news is confirmed as true.

Henry and Gina make sense to me, because he supposedly got it on with Jillian Michaels back in the day, so he obviously loves a woman who can crack his hip bones with her thigh muscles of solid steel while riding him. And no to Gina's fug dress, but yes to the "Superman Is doing the Superman on me. Jealous?" face she's making.

And that there is pretty much all the Superman you're getting in this shit. Here's the Lana Del Ray (aka "Llama Del Meh" - MK) video-looking teaser for Man of Steel. The clean laundry blowing in the wind, Americana doggies and the lickable Henry Cavill playing Superman working undercover on Wicked Tuna didn't really give me a geek erection. As a dour friend said - "nothing happens, and then he flies." But there's a butterfly!

Fuck Llama Del Meh - it's Superman climbing The Tree Of Life! Where the fuck is Lex Luthor? Will Amy Adams be spelling "Pulitzer Prize" and "Nobel Prize" over and over while hanging off the Eiffel Tower elevator? Margot Kidder was so fucking good in Superman II. She was such a pointy bitch. She smoked. We need a Lois Lane who smokes. Oh, and Sarah Douglas as Ursa! That ho was hot! "SSSSUUUUPPPEERRRMMAAANNNN!" she called in a mocking, vicious manner as she flipped up the manhole cover and flung it at Supes (6:10). How that doesn't make the opening reel of Hollywood classics at the Oscars every year I'll never know.

Er, here they are. Kevin Costner does the voice-over for the first one. There's an alternate version with Russell Crowe under it. I guess it depends on which voice you want to fap to? They're both pretty boring.

Seriously, he's a tuna fisherman?