Hot Slut of the Day

The cigarette butt hat that Hana Mae Lee wore on her head at last night's MTV Movie Awards.

I haven't seen Pitch Perfect, so I had no idea who Hana Mae Lee is, but while looking through pictures from the dirty ash tray of an awards show called the MTV Movie Awards last night, I stopped on a picture of her with some shit on her head that looks like something a young Lohan would make for their mom during 3rd grade craft project time. She totally took a tip from Lady CaCa's How To Get Bitches To Take A Picture Of Your Stunt Queen Ass playbook. That souvenir from the gutter hat isn't only art (not really), but it's also a visual representation of the future careers of half of the hos who were there last night.

Hana Mae Lee's butthead hat was one of my favorite looks of the night, but only because when I stare at it for a while, the black part looks like a swollen anus dipped in tar.

The Ghost Of Witch McCoy from Scooby Doo!


The death of Jonathan Winters made me think about Scooby Doo, which made me think of all the Scooby Doo villains, because next to that hot bitch Daphne, the Scooby Doo villains were the hottest part of that mess of a cartoon. The one Scooby Doo villain I remember the most is the Ghost of Witch McCoy who the villagers believed held dark magic powers and could turns hos into frogs and could turn herself into a black cat. The Ghost of Witch McCoy turned out to be Aggie Wilkins and she wanted to scare the Hatfields away from their cabin, because her ex-man hid a treasure map in their cabin and she wanted to get to it.

There are so many reasons for why the Ghost of Witch McCoy was everything.

The Ghost of Witch McCoy wore a sack dress that St. Angie Jolie wishes she owned. The Ghost of Witch McCoy wore a white wig that was almost as glorious as Emmylou Harris' natural mane. The Ghost of Witch McCoy's claws were creeper than Madge's, her eyebrow game ruled the Ozarks and she was the original owner of the Voldemort nose.

And during her episode, she crawled into bed with Scooby Doo. Kinky bitch!

The half ginger-faced mama pussy who adopted a baby bunny rabbit.

One of my childhood cats was this wild ho who we found wandering in the hills. She was a true pussy of the wild and hated being inside. She was always outside and was always bringing us "presents." One time she dropped a rabbit head on our welcome mat and the first thing I looked for when I saw it was the gift receipt, because that was not a gift I wanted. So that was my introduction to pussy and bunny relations and it left a scare on my childhood. But now I can wipe away that scar thanks to this video of a half ginger-faced mama pussy giving some love to a baby bunny rabbit.

I hope a follow-up video comes out in a few months, because I really want to see this baby bunny rabbit purr, meow, use the litter box, get high on cat nip and silently judge humans from afar. I fully embrace this pussy trapped in a bunny's body. It's a bussy!

via Buzzfeed

Water Cat! 

Shit, I thought water is to cats as vagina is to John Travolta. They're supposed to scream, cry, scratch bitches and wish a painful death upon you when you drag them near it. But Water Cat (real name: Snoopy) doesn't give a shit about water and spent way too long looking for imaginary fish in the bath tub. Either Water Cat really does love water or he's high on acid or he's chasing ghost fish us humans can't see or all of the above.

In a few years when cats take over the world and are lounging in the pool while us humans fetch them catnip-tinis, they're going to look back at this video and be like, "That wet pussy was revolutionary."

via Reddit

The giant peen that shut down the Nürburgring racetrack in Germany.

Somebody looked at the Nürburgring racetrack and decided that what it really needed was a huge, gigantic, long dick on it and so they painted one along with the word "Danish."  I don't think they did it as an homage to The Hammaconda, because if they did, it would've taken up all the lanes and Jon Hamm would've issued a statement telling all of us to stop looking at it and drooling over it. That thing is a pencil dick with mouse balls (homage to Chris Brown?).

You'd think that the German police would appreciate fine art and giant dicks, but they don't, because Metro says they shut down Nürburgring for three hours on Sunday while they erased the peen.

This isn't the first time a giant painted dick showed up on a racetrack. IMDB trivia says (no, it doesn't) that Tom Cruise was really scared about shooting his race scenes in Days of Thunder, so the producers painted a giant dick on the track to lure him out. Yes, he scraped the skin off of his ass from scooting along the painted dick on the pavement, but at least it got him out on the track.

And life would be so much better if everything had a giant peen on it.

via Fark

Christina, the woman who went on Steve Harvey to admit that she's got a serious food fetish for Popeye's spicy chicken and it makes her pop like nothing else.

If KFC is finger lickin' good, then I guess Popeye's is finger fuckin' good, because Christina told Steve Harvey, his audience and who ever watches his show that when her dude isn't taking her higher while boning, she thinks of spicy chicken and it butters her biscuit, basically. I don't even want to know what this chick does with Popeye's spicy chicken tenders and mashed potato gravy.

Remember when Maury Povich had hos with phobias on his show and whatever their phobia was he brought it out and made them face it? That's what Steve Harvey should've done with ole' fried chicken fucker here to see if she's bullshitting or not. He should've brought out a wheelbarrow full of Popeye's spicy chicken and if ten seconds later the audience's shoes were covered in panty pudding, then everybody would know that Christina is telling the truth.

If Christina is telling the truth, she's a HSOTD and Popeye's should start selling spicy chicken grease lube just for her. If Christina isn't telling the truth, she's a HSOTD, because even though she's lying she'll still forever be known as that kinky ho who LOVES that chicken at Popeye's a little too much and she's totally okay with that.

via Uproxx (For Nancy B.)

Semenology, the cocktail cookbook that puts the cock in cocktail. (Note: If the heaves are crawling up your throat right now, let me try to make it feel better by telling you that picture is really just watered down goat milk and flat Coke.)

Paul "Fotie" Photenhauer's fascination with using dick milk in everything has taken his cum-guzzling ass to the liquor cabinet. Over four years ago, Paul shot out Scientology's unofficial cookbook "Natural Harvest: A Collection Of Semen-Based Recipes" and he's following that up with a mixology book full of man chowder-based cocktails. It's the perfect book to have if the Kardashians, John Travolta or Paris Hilton regularly show up to your cocktail parties. Paul's book teaches nut leche-lovers how to make cocktails like a Mexican Cumslide (Side note: Paul is probably going to hear from Kat Von D's lawyers, because that's what she calls her chocha and she has that name trademarked and everything), a Watermon Gin Jizz and a Slightly Salty Caviar. For all those recipes, you have to milk a peen to get the main ingredient.

Paul's book also includes tips on how to make dick yogurt taste better (you sprinkle ginger in it) and how to make it last longer (you put it in the freezer). Paul also says different dudes jizz out different-tasting splooge. So if you're in the mood for something that is powdery, crusty and has a strange chemical aftertaste, milk a Hugh Hefner! If you're in the mood for something coagulated, rotten, diseased and full of pieces of torn-off crab legs, milk a Gerard Butler! If you're in the mood for something that tastes like liquid rainbows infused with a unicorn's kiss, milk an Anderson Cooper!

But Paul tells SFWeekly that shouldn't use just anyone's cock cream and he also explained why he's obsessed with using spank sauce in food:

"For me, it's more of a fun twist to add to food, or in this case a drink. It adds a definite personal twist to it. I would never eat or drink semen, cooked or otherwise, from someone I wouldn't be willing to have sex with.

If you want your partner to swallow, you should be willing to eat your own semen -- I mean, it's your semen. Then I started thinking about it. People eat all kinds of weird shit. Eggs are the menstruation of chickens. Milk is the mammary excretion from cows. Semen is... at least it's fresh and you know who the producer is."

SFWeekly also talked to an infectious disease specialist and professor at the Berkeley School of Public Health and he said that eating jizz that isn't thoroughly cooked isn't a good idea since a bunch of STDs can be transmitted through raw semen.

With that said, the next time you're giving your piece a beej, grab a cocktail glass and some vodka and turn that moment in a White Russian party! Or if you're a purist, just drink it straight out of the tap. Cheers!

Kellie Nightlinger, wilderness survivalist, a former gold miner, star of "Naked and Afraid" on the Discovery Channel and the ho who can catch fish with her twat. The last one is what she'll be known for now and forever.

The Discovery Channel knows that what everyone wants to see is a naked person surviving in the wild and using their genitals as fishing bait, so they dropped Kellie Nightlinger and a survivalist dude in the middle of nowhere with only a few clothes on their body. Kellie tells the NYDN that they were so damn starving and needed some protein in their stomachs, so she did what she had to do and that involved snatching fish with her snatch.

“We were very hungry and needed fish for our survival. We needed something with protein and because the water was so muddy, traditional fishing methods wouldn’t work, so I had to improvise, adapt and overcome.”

Not only did Kellie catch a whole lot of fish with her pussy, but she probably also got the yeast infection of all yeast infections so she started queefing out crumbs of bread. Food for days! And Parasite Hilton is probably pfft-ing at all of this, because she's got crabs, lobsters, butter sauce and cheesy bread on her chocha. Bitch has got a whole Admiral's Feast from Red Lobster up in there.

Sweet Secrets, the magical toy from the 80s (aka the most important decade in the history of decades) that encouraged children to lie to their parents.

Because the glamorous children of the 1980s needed their own version of Transformers, Galoob Toys created Sweet Secrets. Sweet Secrets were these plastic cookies with plastic jewels on top and you'd wear them as bracelets and hair clips when your parents were around, but when you were alone they'd transformer into tiny little jewel girls or tiny little jewel animals. There was also a Sweet Secrets jooree box that turned into a house and a Sweet Secrets bed that turned into a comb. Even though your parents bought it for you and saw all the commercials, they still didn't know that your ugly ass bracelet was actually your secret playmate . This nosy dad doesn't suspect a thing!

Yeah, this is one of the reasons why those of us who grew up in the 80s are so fucking weird. And Sweet Secrets should really make a comeback and put out a line for adults. But instead of hiding every child's favorite playmate (a weird dolly with plastic bangs), it can hide every adult's favorite playmates (a Valium and a weed bud).

Lazarus, the vampire kitten and future therapy cat who medical professionals say has a cleft palate, but I say has a perfect vampire pussy mouth.

Lazarus' life started out in a bad way. Catster (via HuffPo & Fark) says that when he was only 10 weeks old, he was found wandering the streets of Johnson City, TN. Lazarus was sickly, malnourished, covered in fleas and was suffering from several infections including one in his no-nose area. A student at East Tennessee University found Lazarus and took him to Cindy Chambers, a special education graduate coordinator at the university who's known for fostering stray animals. Lazarus didn't look too good, so Cindy immediately drove his ass to the vet.

Cindy was afraid that Lazarus was just a step away from heaven, but after doctors removed his canine teeth, cleaned out all of his infections and treated the diseases in his nasal passages, he fully recovered. Now, at 10 months old, Lazarus lives with Cindy and her seven other dogs and cats, and spends his days thinking about how he vants to suck the milk out of the milk carton. I was going to say that he spends his days thinking about how he vants to suck the blood out of the dogs he lives with, but dog blood is gross, ew.

Cindy says that she's planning to use Lazarus to open up the minds of children and teach them about disabilities:

"You immediately feel some kind of connection with Lazarus because he has such a great personality and he’s just so loving. His disability really isn’t a focus. He’s just a really awesome cat. Lazarus, he can be a really unique tool for helping children without disabilities understand differences and similarities and how we’re really more alike than different. And he can also be used with, let’s say, children who have cleft palates and kind of watching his process and feeling some type of connection with this kitten.”

Lazarus' teefs stick up instead of hanging down, so he kind of has upside down vampire fangs. And if you really stare at his mouth, it kind of looks like he's saying "hang loose" with his teeth. Anyway, I hope Lazarus can find time in between teaching children about disabilities and sucking the life out of a Friskies can to guest star on True Blood. Pam needs a new sidekick who just like her, doesn't give three shits.