Jessica Simpson

These pictures look like the aftermath of a Smurf orgy! Blue spunk everywhere. It's actually pictures of Tony Romo's 28th Birthday party on Saturday night in Dallas.

People reports that Jessica sang "Happy Birthday" to Romo and then they fed each other blue cake. Sick bitches! A party guest said, "She licked cake from his face as everyone cheered them on. It was quite a spectacle. But they looked really happy together. Jessica had blue icing all over her hands and mouth and Tony was laughing." Yeah, laughing at her. He was totally thinking what we're all thinking, "the bitch looks like Papa Smurf dropped a load on her."

Papa Joe is going to pretend like he doesn't like these pictures, but I bet they are going right under his pillow.

Click here to see more pics from the Smurf orgy

Jessica Simpson has reportedly chosen her boyfriend Tony Romo over Ken Paves. WHAT?! Dumping The Paves?! That should be a fucking crime. Okay, sort of.... Life & Style (via MSNBC) reports that Romo prefers Jessica without make-up and as natural as possible. Jessica has completely scaled back on having hair and make-up bitches around her all the time.

A source said, “She always worried about how she looked. Now she knows she can dress the way she wants and choose not to wear makeup and (Tony will) still love her just as much. She hates trying to look sexy all the time. Jess is a down-home girl on the inside.”

The sourcie claims Romo is more attracted to Jessica when she's not looking like a tranny.

Please. The truth is that Romo can't control his sexual urges for The Paves. Paves does that to most, so I understand Romo's dilemma. He did the right thing.

Someone should tell Romo that Jessica would be even more attractive with a paper bag over her head.

That's what Star Magazine claims. Remember when Jessica Simpson was in the hospital for a "kidney infection." Star reports that it was more than that. A source said that hardcore drinking with Tony Romo landed the twat in the hospital. Jessica tried to keep up with Romo and his friends, but she couldn't hang like that.

The source said her health issued were due to "drinking an obscene amount of alcohol." Lightweight! You are an embarrassment to this country if you have to go into the hospital for binge-drinking. That's what throwing up is for! Drop and reload.

This sourcie (Daisy) also claims Jessica asked for a pregnancy test, "She was three weeks late and convinced she was pregnant. She was feeling really weak and really scared. She was unraveling."

Wait.....maybe she's the ONE that pregnant! I saw this on Desperate Housewives. Asshole Simpson is going to pretend she's knocked up, but Jessica is carrying the baby. If Asshole's baby comes out with a frog mouth, we'll know the truth.

I've sunk to a new low, because I'm starting to find Ken Paves sort of hot. He looks like a 45-year-old mother of 3 who is finally becoming the "real him" by taking testosterone pills and getting his boobs chopped off. The bitch is a few therapy sessions away from going under the knife and getting a fake dick. Dude looks like a lady dude! That being said, I would totally hit it.

Here's Paves with his faghag leaving Foxtale last night.

HoHan and friends were recently having a laugh at Jessica Simpson's expense. They were laughing at Jessica's tranny mess Esquire cover which was a recreation of Virna Lisi's cover from the 60.s

The NYDN claims HoHan said, "I so already did that." She was apparently referring to her Marilyn Monroe cover for New York Magazine. Although, maybe HoHan was referring to Jessica herself. I bet those two totally bumped figs after too many Sex on the Beaches.

Both of their covers are hard-on killers. It's not a good thing when their pictures could easily be used on a promo card for tranny night at the local gay club.

Speaking of pre-ops....here's our favorite female-to-male tranny, Samantha Ronson, with HoHan the other night.

THE FUCK!? No, this is not Tony Romo wearing of one Ken Paves Hairdo clip-ins! It's Jessica Simpson on the cover of May's Esquire magazine. If Tony ever gets sick, Jessica can definitely sub for him in a game. The bitch looks like a quarterback! I'm sure Cowboys fans would adore that.

In honor of Esquire's 75th anniversary, they are re-creating iconic covers. Don't ask me why they chose Jessica to re-create Virna Lisi's March 1965 cover. Virna looks hot, Jessica looks like she's a few surgeries away from fulfilling her lifelong dream of becoming a real woman.

Poor Chestica Simpson is in the hospital, because her pusssay burns when she pees. In Touch reports that Ches has a minor kidney infection and is currently receiving treatment Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. She's been in there since Friday.

A friend said she's doing fine and she should be out by tomorrow. Her boyfriend, Tony Romo, couldn't be with her, because he had shit to do in Dallas. It was probably shit that landed her in this pickle. Ass to vagina is a dangerous game! Something in the vag ain't clean!

The friend went on to say, “She checked in on Friday morning because she was feeling achy and had a fever."

I'm sure Daddy Spears is taking very good care of his pot of gold. He probably wrestles the thermometer out of the nurse's hand when it's time to take Ches' temperature.

Papa Joe was at The Ivy yesterday showing off the newest ho in his harem, Russian pop star An'ya. An'ya is going to take America by storm and by "America" I mean Papa Joe's genitals. Poor thing. From Russia to this?! I bet Jessica and Asshole's breasts are breathing a sigh of relief. Papa Joe's heat is off them for now.

Speaking of Jessica, the whore was asked when she was going to marry Tony Romo while she was leaving Chili's. Jess' mom, Tina Simpson, responded with, "They already are, what are you talking about?" Jessica giggled and said, "I guess, if mom says so."

Now everyone thinks they are married. No! No! No! Stupid Tina had too many white zins. It makes her all mouthy and annoying. The day Tony marries Jessica is the day the state of Texas banishes him forever.

I know you've fantasized about having Papa Joe Simpson all over your hot body and now your dreams can come true! Page Six is reporting that Papa Joe is on the prowl. Papa Joe and his legal wife, Tina Simpson, haven't been seen together in months. Papa was at a party in Austin last weekend where he was hitting on all the ladies. Unfortunately, the ladies weren't biting.

A source said, "He was with a group of guys including Ryan Cabrera . . . He was flirting with one group of girls who either didn't know who he was or didn't care, and they just grabbed their drinks, laughed and walked away." Awwww poor Papa Joe. I'm sure Jessica and Asshole finally got some common sense and are keeping their doors locked at night. Now Papa is getting the turn down treatment from other ladies. Poor skeeze.

You just know the bitch is into sick role playing shit too. I'm talking diaper daddy crap. Nast.

Wait, White Oprah needs a big, strong man in her life......

Jessica Simpson is in Kuwait to perform in "Operation MySpace," but sources are saying this isn't much of a charity show. Jessica's camp (aka Papa Joe) demanded a private plane which cost around $150,000. Her spokeswhore denies she flew by private plane.

It was also reported that Jessica and her entourage (including The Paves) would be bunking with the troops. MSNBC reports this isn't so. A source told them that Jessica would be bunking with them for as long as it takes to shoot a picture. The source said, “Jessica doesn’t sleep in tents or bunks the night before a concert. She needs to give a good performance — there’s no way Joe will want The Pussycat Dolls (who are also performing as part of the same show) to upstage his daughter. He’ll have her sleeping in a proper bed in the right environment.”

Jessica is also not fronting the bill for her $6k per day make-up artist and stylist. The Paves charges $10k per day. "This isn’t a charity show. The people around Jessica aren’t donating their time or cutting their rates as if this was Jess’s charity Operation Smile. Someone is picking up the tab, and it’s not going to be Jessica.” I can't believe The Paves makes $10,000 a day to fuck a bitch up. There's a lot of foolios in Hollywood.

Jessica performs today and will get on a plane immediately after. She will spend around 3 hours with the troops (handjobs). Papa Joe is planning to take his own pictures, so that he can shop them to a celebrity weekly.

MySpace would not say who's covering her tab.

Thousands of dollars a day to make that woman look like that? Give me 20 clams and I'll set that bitch up. I'll throw on of Britney's old weaves on her, spray her down with Wet 'N Wild and slap a bikini on her ass. If the troops have to sit through her horrible singing, they might as well get a little tits and ass action out of it.