Jessica Simpson

 

I am confused. Jessica Simpson and John Mayer were dating then broke-up then were dating again and now may be broken up again. Carrie Underwood seemed to be serious with Tony Romo and now it looks like they are "cooling off" and he's dipping it in Jessica. Confused!

 

The Dallas Cowboys QB told Carrie that he wanted to take some time out during football season. He didn't tell Carrie that he's invited Jessica to Dallas.

 

He's probably getting in one last fling before he settles down with Carrie. I mean...dating THAT instead of Carrie? Look at Jessica! She can't even use a spoon right!  

 

 

Source: National Ledger

 

 

 

 

Jessica Simpson and John Mayer are currently on a little vacation in Cabo San Lucas, but things don't look so happy. The two look like they are in a deep conversation with Jessica nagging his ass! Ugh, those "relationship" talks are the worse! He should just push her ass.

 

 

 

 

While at Cannes sources told Page Six that Jessica Simpson tried desperately to get a piece of Leonardo DiCaprio. She apparently followed his ass around everywhere he went, but Leo wanted nothing to do with the poor, big-tittied chipmunk.

 

A witness said, "He just seemed freaked out and kind of ignored her." 

 

Jess' Italian obsession didn't stop there. She posted on her official fan site that she's been reading a lot of Michelangelo and he's really inspired her. Jessica got really deep:

 

I just got back from spending some time in Europe, and while I was there I visited many museums, and have been reading about different artists. I have also been writing a lot in my journal recently. I was reading a book about Michelangelo and there were 2 quotes that caught my attention -

"I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free."

“Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing.”

These quotes inspired me to write the below passage. I hope you can find your own individual meaning in it, as I keep coming back to it and find new strength.

"Sometimes we are all so afraid to be honest with ourselves because we know that honesty will lead us somewhere off the path of the life we've mapped out in our minds. Today, I challenge us to ask ourselves this...

What if we allow our fear to provoke us into action?

Can facing our fear be what walks us to somewhere better?

I do not have your answers, but in the quest to find my own, I've discovered somewhere worth traveling to...

In my life, I ignore my fears too often, but then I'm left with nothing to challenge the best of me. I just remain cowering from my true identity.

There is no discovery."

 

Oh Jessica, Jessica. I love that you're trying to be smart and all, but stick to your own reading level. Next time try and quote "Green Eggs and Ham" and it won't come out so forced.

She also talks about this "true identity" crap. Is bitch coming out as a lesbo?! I knew her and Paves were bumping ginas!

 

 

 

Hahahah...Chestica Simpson's friends think she might be pregnant, because her titties have gotten so big. It's called surgery dumbasses! One of her friends said, "Her breasts are positively huge, and she really seems to be taking care of herself."

“She’s not saying anything one way or the other when the subject comes up, but women who put on weight don’t smile when someone suggests they might be pregnant.”

Ches' rep denies the claims. Chestica and her big tatas came out in NYC yesterday. Ches also lightened up that nasty-ass hair again. How has it not fallen out completely yet? 

A Ches/Mayer chipmunk baby would not be a positive thing for this world. 

 

 

 

 

 

Are Jessica  Simpson and John Mayer already back together? Just when John was starting to look attractive he's tappin' that mess again. Sources at InTouch Weekly say they saw John leaving the SoHo Grand Hotel in NYC today where Jess is saying.

 

A friend of Jess' said, "They definitely went on a date last night,. She still loves him, but he's not stable. He's scared of commitment. He breaks up with her and then regrets it and then begs her to get back together." 

 

John is vaginatized by that?! Actually, these two chipmunks deserve one another. Will they get married already and just go away! The both of em!

 

 

 

When Jessica Simpson debuted her new hair color the other day I thought it was just in "the process" of going blonder, but I guess not. She went out again looking like a caramel covered apple. Put a stick up her ass!

 

She's one color and that color is FUGLY. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now that she's single and ready to mingle, Jessica Simpson sat in her hotel room in Cannes and thought to herself "It's time to get back out there and hold your head up high Miss Simpson!" So she walkied Ken Paves who was busy dying Eva LongWHORIA's pubes to match her wedding dress and he dropped everything and skydived into Cannes to help a girl out.

 

Once the Sun-In was set, Jessica greased herself into that sequined frock and felt proud when she told People Magazine, "I am very happy, but I don't really want to talk about my personal life tonight because it's not what it's about. But I am very happy. I will let you know that."  And the thing is she wouldn't be happy if it wasn't for that hair color or for Paves. I believe in that.

 

Here's Jessica at some kind of event for a movie that hasn't yet filmed and hopefully never will. It's called "Major Movie Star" and I loved it a whole lot more when it was called "Private Benjamin" and starred Goldie Hawn!

 

Jessica is also one step closer in becoming America's Next Top Chipette. For a while I always thought she was a Brittany Chipette, but she's clearly shaping into a Eleanor Chipette which really got me by surprise. 

 

 

Splash

 

 

 

Jessica Simpson has been a strong support of the Operation Smile charity and so it queer that she was a no-show at a big benefit for the charity the other night. Operation Smile provides surgery to children who can't smile or something like that. Anyway, Jess has worked with them for 10 years.

 

A source said, "She got a lot of good publicity from the charity but re fused to let pictures of her be in the com memorative book and hasn't done anything with them in a year."

 

Jess's rep said that she couldn't make it, because she was getting an award for another charity she works with. Oh that Jess is such a saint!

 

Here's Jessica in Cannes last night with her mouth open AGAIN! Is there a charity for frogs that are unable to open their mouths to catch flies, because homegirl should be spokeswhore for that charity! She is always opening her damn poop hole and yes that's her poop hole, because shit is always coming out of it!!! 

 

Source: Page Six

 

 

 

It's official. Ashlee Simpson is the hotter sister. How this happened, we'll never know. Ashlee's got a kick ass plastic surgeon while Chestica has Paves to thank for making her look like a fallen Las Vegas showgirl.

 

Ashlee is seen here at a Gala honoring Sumner Redstone last night. Yeah! Sumner Redstone! That sounds like a doozy. Chestica is seen here at the party for "My Blueberry Nights" in Cannes.