You probably already heard this news last night when your mom, or who ever is hosting Thanksgiving dinner, called to tell you that they've put the frozen turkey on the front porch and you can come pick it up and cook it your damn self, because they aren't getting out of bed today. There's no reason to go on. It's just going to be them, a bottle of wild turkey and a box of raw Stove-Top in bed, because they need some time to get over the fact that the Discovery Channel ruined their lives. Mike Rowe announced on HuffPo last night that Discovery has done horny straight ladies and gays wrong by yanking Dirty Jobs. Blame Romney.
KY's sales will drop and they have Discovery to thank for that. This is how Mike Rowe explained why he's in the back of the unemployment line with Chevy Chase:
Whenever Dirty Jobs goes off the air for a few months, people start to wonder if the show has been canceled. Rumors begin to swirl, and questions about the show's future fill my inbox. Over the years it's been my pleasure to assure anxious fans that Dirty Jobs is coming back for another season. And indeed, we always have. Alas, this year, I'm afraid I cannot dispel the rumors. A few weeks ago, I was officially informed that Dirty Jobs had entered into a new phase. One I like to call, "permanent hiatus." Or in the more popular industry vernacular, canceled.
My first instinct was to immediately pass the news on to you, but frankly, it's taken me a few weeks to digest. Dirty Jobs is a very personal show, and it's difficult for me to imagine a future that does not involve exploding toilets, venomous snakes, misadventures in animal husbandry, and feces from every species. Nevertheless, the future is here, and while it does not appear to contain any more Dirty Jobs, it will almost certainly include another Thanksgiving. So in the spirit of the holiday, I'd like to thank those people most responsible for reinvigorating my erstwhile career, and launching the most honest show in the history of reality TV.
You never thought you'd ever pinch your nipples to the sight of a man crawling through a tunnel of rats in the sewer , but Mike Rowe made it sexy. It's the end of a fapping era. Well, at least Mike Rowe now has time to pursue his true destinies: the power top with all the lines in gay porn and a time traveler. I say "time traveler," because Mike Rowe was destined to be a Playgirl pin-up circa 1982.
Mike Rowe, the host of both Discovery's Dirty Jobs and many of your conscious fap dreams, took a break from swimming in shit rivers in the sewers to say stuff at a micro-manufacturing victory roundtable hosted by Mitt Romney in Bedford Heights, Ohio today. Romney invited Mike Rowe to the roundtable after Mike sent him a letter saying that this country needs to show more support for the blue collar workers. Mike sent the same letter to Obama in 2009, but didn't get a response. So at the roundtable today, Mike said that we need to show more appreciation for the blue collar workers of America and try to make those jobs more desirable before robots from China replace US ALL! Mike never officially endorsed Romney, but I can't say I'd be mad if he turned around, dropped his pants, spread his cheeks and showed us the Rowe 4 Romney tattoo he has on his prune lips.
USA Today has a rundown of what basically came out of Mike's mouth today:
"We have unintentionally disconnected ourselves ... from the most important part of our workforce," Rowe said as he paid tribute to the "people who keep the lights on, people who allow toilets to work" and "people who pick up roadkill."
Rowe, also known for his Ford commercials, made headlines when he penned an open letter to the GOP presidential nominee, asking for a "national conversation" about what he calls a "skills gap."
"Our country has become emotionally disconnected from an essential part of our workforce," Rowe wrote to Romney. "We are no longer impressed with cheap electricity, paved roads, and indoor plumbing. We take our infrastructure for granted, and the people who build it."
Rowe said he accepted Romney's invitation to be at the business roundtable so he could help put a spotlight on the need for skilled labor. "We need more opportunity and training," Rowe said, adding that there also needs to be "desire" to do blue-collar jobs.
When he wrote the letter, Rowe told Romney he'd vote for him in November if he read the whole thing. He gave no clue on how he'll cast his ballot.
The only thing I have to add after seeing Mike Rowe stand next to Mitt Romney with all those serious faces in the background is that it might take me a while.... and I might have to take breaks.... and I'll definitely have to give myself a pep talk every few minutes.... and I'm going to use every possible lube in my kitchen cabinet, but I'm going to find a way to fap to this. And that is the dirtiest job of all.
(vid via Buzzfeed)