Quote of the Day
Miley Cyrus recently got a prison tattoo on her ear that reads "LOVE" and today she told E! News the meaning behind it. Miley's explanation made my ears vomit massive amounts of cheese. Yes, I've already made an appointment at the free clinic to get that checked out. Miley said:
"There's so much negativity in the world and what you only need to hear is all the love. People try to say to me, ‘I just heard someone say this or that about you,' and I just ignore it because it's irrelevant. Love is what makes the world go around, and that's all we need to focus on."
You know, Miley's tattoo is cheesier than a Hallmark card, an Air Supply song and a very special episode of Full House all mixed together in a fondue pot, but she's got the idea. This weekend, I'm going to follow her lead and get ABMCV (Anything But Miley Cyrus' Voice) tattooed on my ear and the word BOOZE tattooed on my tongue.
Cameron Diaz is the Kate Hudson of blonde actresses. Or is it Kate Hudson is the Cameron Diaz of blonde actresses. It's a little of both, because Cameron and Kate will both go through airport security and fly thousands of miles just for a piece of the dick pie. Cameron admitted this to Playboy (via HuffPo):
"Oh gosh, I can't even count how many times I've gotten on a plane for love. It's not unusual in this business; my lifestyle demands it. I'm always traveling for [whispers] cock. You've got to go where it is."
And I'm pretty sure many genitals (including several cocks) are on a plane right now to get far far away from that picture of Cameron.
Ke$hit, who looks like something that fell out of a dog's ass (no offense to things that have fallen out of a dog's ass before), on the special gift she gives to people at Christmas times:
"Sometimes I'll walk my dogs and fill bags full of massive dog shit. Then I'll wrap them as Christmas presents and give them to people."
It could be a lot fucking worse. She could give them a copy of her CD.
via NYDN (Thanks Damon)
Tommy Girl gushing from every single orifice about the man whose face is on the body pillow he cuddles and humps on nightly:
"I really admire David Beckham as a person, father, husband and athlete. He's absolutely fantastic. He's got a great competitive spirit and he's a tireless worker with a clear mind and a solid body."
How many times do you think his mouth slobbered while he was saying that? And I'm not talking about the mouth on his face.
via 3am (Thanks Jessica)
Evan Likesdadick tells Radar that he's in the market for a brand new girlfriend to keep him company. Well, Sex and the City 2 is coming out this weekend and nobody wants Evan to coo at Jason Lewis' nipples by himself, so he better get on that shit. Evan says:
"I'm lonely. I need a girlfriend. I’m looking for funny, someone who can deal with a busy schedule—which has been a problem in the past. And I don't know, just a cool girl. I need someone to hang out with me.”
That sound you just heard was Johnny Weir's glitter hole spitting sparkles into his fur panties after reading Evan's mess of a quote.
(Image via Warren and Derrick)
Blohan on that picture of her in Cannes with a few lines of the bad shit patiently waiting for her to spend a little time with them:
“What!?? That's a set up that's so untrue.”
We're all Miss Cleo today, because we all saw this excuse in our crystal ball this morning. What's so wrong with just saying, "Yes, it's coke, you fucking bitches. It's my prom!" Or at least come up with something different and say you were making apology cookies to give to your judge. Bitch needs a new song.
Jada Pinkett Smith is still going on about how her vagina is going to fall off and raise a white flag because Will is humping on it so much. All together now: roll those eyes to the left.
When Oprah asked Jada how they keep the tingles coming after more than 12 years of marriage, she said, "We don't have sex with each other. That's how." No, she really said:
"Keep it spontaneous. I surprise him. He's a thinker. He's always thinking. I just, I always surprise him…Now I don't know if you want to get in on how I surprise him… During the day I might send a sexy picture of some sort…If he's on set with me, we might take a break."
The "some sort" means "a 9-inch dick." That's very sweet of Jada. It's also sweet when she surprises Will with a strap-on in her boxer briefs. You know Gayle King was backstage throwing Oprah a "bitch, take notes" side-eye.
via E! Online
Kelis is still queefing over and over again about how Peta put her on their hit list after she was photographed wearing The Shaggy Dog's hide all over her body a few months ago. In case you needed to know, Kelis still doesn't give a fuck. She tells MTV:
"I got a letter from PETA about this, which is strange, because I’ve worn way more fur than I had on this day. But for some reason, they figured they were going to mention it, which was stupid. I honestly, I mean, this was a pretty regular day. [Laughing.] It was freezing, first of all… I love that hat, I bought in Russia… I wrote back to PETA because I feel like ‘Who on earth are you to tell me about what I wear?’ Quite frankly, I find them completely hypocritical, and I was reading something about how they euthanize 97% of the cats and dogs and animals that are brought to them. Just, completely hypocritical. I think anyone who feels the need to protest about someone else… it’s just completely insane to me…. I couldn’t care less about what they think of me and my fur hat. I just find it funny that this is the photo, the day… I mean, I would have fur walls if I could. I’m a complete carnivore. And people who don’t wear it and don’t want to, it’s fine. I don’t have any judgments about them."
Have fur walls IF she could? Bitch obviously hasn't been to Sharon Stone's house, because she has a fur room with a fur dresser in it that contains fur-lined drawers holding fur dildos and fur ball anal beads. You know Sharon gets off again when she sees animal hair in her lady jizz.
And I hope Kelis likes the taste of paint, because Peta is going to throw a Benjamin Moore store at her any day now.
Cynthia Nixon tells The Advocate what makes her labia clap about Rojo Caliente (government name: Christine Marinoni) and who really carries the Home Depot charge card in the family:
“She’s basically a short man with boobs. A lot of what I love about her is her butchness. I’m not saying I fell in love with her in a sexually neutral way. I love her sexuality—it’s a big part of what I love about her—but I feel like it was her. It wasn’t something in me that was waiting to come out. It was like, this person is undeniable. How can I let this person walk by? Christine would probably kill me for saying this, but my daughter said one time that if you really had to break this down, [it looks like] she would be butch and I would be femme…but really once you get to know us it’s really the opposite.”
A short femme man with boobs?! Cynthia just took me there! Throw my ass on a block of ice, because that description just made my no-no play the final scenes in Firestarter.
Loki's forever soulmate Mickey Rourke, who just finished promoting Iron Man 2 with Fishsticks Paltrow (hint hint), says most movie stars can kiss his face (which is worse than kissing his ass) because he doesn't have a sliver of respect for them. Mickey wouldn't even respect them if they were covered in fluffy fur, yapped at the wind, tossed their own salad and shat out butt pieces the size of a thumbnail. That's saying a lot.
Mickey tells Parade Magazine (via HuffPo): “You can be less than mediocre and be a fucking movie star. I have respect for very few actors and actresses. Some of them get a lot of acclaim but just because their movie made $200 million at the box office, they still suck. I got no respect for them and I used to let them know it. It was important for me to put that aside and go, ‘You know what? This is a business. If you kiss the right ass and you get lucky on a movie or two, you could last 10 years.’ So, now, I just keep my mouth shut and pet my chihuahuas.”
Of course Mickey has to keep his mouth shut, because if he doesn't those asshole stars won't let him be in their movies and then how will he keep his little dog friends in the lifestyle they are accustomed to? Bedazzled dog bowls, canine anal bleaching and doggy nipple massages don't pay for themselves!