Quote of the Day
Ronnie Spector was flipping through Keith Richards' autobiography when she nearly ate her hair off out of anger because of something he wrote. This is too easy, so I'll just let Ronnie take it from here:
"I was skimming through it the other day, and he's talking about Ronnie, and I think, 'Oh, he must mean me. I'll read this.' And then he writes, 'We went in the bathroom and did drugs.' I was like, 'Keith! I never did drugs! What are you saying?'
I was so angry with him. I never, ever did drugs with him. In fact, I used to yell at Keith. I'd say, 'You can do a little marijuana but don't go any further than that.'
So I'm reading this and I'm just fuming. I'm ready to call him and really cuss him out, but then I read a little more and it turns out he was actually talking about Ronnie Wood."
I mean. I never for once thought Ronnie Spector was smoking and/or snorting the wrong shit...until now.
via SMH (Thanks Charlie)
Glee's Chris Colfer not only told the Hollywood Reporter that he is "OVER THE MOON" about their 5 Golden Globe nominations, but then he said that the show is:
"....like the Soviet Union: it's getting bigger and bigger and I think it has a lot to do with the music -- it unites everyone."
No wonder I failed history over and over again. I did know that covers of Top 40 hits united the Soviet Union! Here I was thinking that vodka rations and Stalin babushka dolls did that.
The sexy piece on the left will hold your fanny pack for you.
You know politics give me a gross case of gas (or that could be the Pop Tart and spicy peanuts I just destroyed with my pie hole), but seeing Barbara Bush throw shade at Sarah Palin completed my Saturday. And she did it while wearing pearls!
In an interview with The Ed Lover Show on Power 105.1, The Little Meriri was asked if she spends times with blogs and reading her response was like looking into the mirror through my tear-stained eyes. Bitch, you know us!
"I still read the blogs sometimes, it depends on what it is I am trying to find out. I’m a lot more numb to it now only because I understand what it is. It’s a community for people who don’t have anything else to do and hate themselves, they hate their life, they hate their job, they hate their appearance, they are uncomfortable with who they are so what makes them feel good is talking smack about other people who they think they will never ever see in their life and they happen to be celebrities. It seems impossible to ever have the opportunity to say these things to their face, so they get to hide behind their computer."
And now thanks to RiRi I've got my new ABOUT page!
Dame Helen Mirren tells Paris Match (via The Telegraph) that she believes everybody is turning into a boiling boil of CUNTNESS that spews out BITCHINESS on a regular basis (When you slip a "thank you for the compliment" note under Helen's door, make sure you sign my name after yours) and she used British humor as an example of this:
"I prefer the finesse of French humour. English humour is harsher, more scathing, more cruel and more surreal too, as illustrated by Monty Python and the TV series Little Britain, where situations are far-fetched and over-the-top. England is constantly threatened by a savage assimilation. This isn't the case with France which remains furiously protective of its culture."
My feelings about Helen's comments are best expressed through a Patsy Stone Gif (as most things are):
The Kim Kardashian of today has the same genetic make-up as a bottle of foundation, so I guess she's the authority on how women should spread paint on their faces (not really). Kim tells the Toronto Sun what the WORST THING IN THE ENTIRE WORLD IS:
"I hate when women wear the wrong foundation color. It might be the worst thing on the planet when they wear their makeup too light."
The starving children of the world need to get over themselves, because this shit is definitely the worst thing ever. The same goes for genocide, war, natural disasters, urethra warts, kitten abuse, Jennifer Cuntrov, Michael Lohan, Baked Lays, unnecessary movie remakes and even CROCS! Yes, non-matching foundation is way worse than all of those combined.
And Kim never has to worry about this tragedy affecting her since she says "good morning" every day with a Maaco body spray and a dip in a vat full of orange lacquer.
Tommy Lee's had boners that lasted longer than Taylor Momsen's entire life, so I'm not sure how sad he'll be to find out that the baddest and hardest panda in the bamboo tree will never ride his ride. 17-year-old Taylor Momsen tells Revolver (via E! Online) that she's into porn, but she's not into what Tommy Lee is offering up:
"If it's a good sex tape, I'll watch it...I like some adult stars. I have a couple favorites. But I will say this: That Tommy Lee/Pamela Anderson video wasn't very good. I wouldn't fuck Tommy Lee."
Taylor is trying so hard to be a "trashy who cares ho who doesn't wash her dildos after using and smokes in front of NO SMOKING signs" but she's doing it all wrong. You don't say, "I wouldn't fuck Tommy Lee." The words "I would never fuck" would never come out of a trashy ho's mouth. You say, "I would only fuck Tommy Lee if he bought me anything I wanted on the Dollar Menu."
That being said, Tommy and Taylor better not fuck, because then he's going to jail. Chris Hansen is waiting in the wings.
(Image via Egotastic)
Eminem's songs are stuffed with more curse words than a 6th grader's Facebook page, but he'll make you bite the Irish Spring and put a dollar in the jar if you so much as launch a "shit" off your tongue in his house. Em, who is raising three girls, tells The Silver Fox in a 60 Minutes interview:
"I'm a parent. I have daughters. I mean, how would I really sound, as a person...walking around my house [saying] 'Bitch, pick this up,' you know what I mean?...I don't cuss. Profanity around my house? No."
Well, that's that. If you ever receive an Evite for a tea party at Eminem's house, you now know to politely return the RSVP card with the "Will Not Attend" box checked off. The only reason to go to his house is for him to tell you to "pick this up, BITCH."
Janet Charlton has already said that Jake Gyllenhaal will only put his mouth on a tube if it's made of glass (or plastic) and ejaculates weed smoke. And now Maroon 5's Adam Levine is joining the "JAKEY LOVES POON" choir. Adam tells Out Magazine (via HuffPo) that he's sick of simple ass bitches (GUILTY!) saying that Jakey loves to fill his six-pack gutters with man chowder. Adam put it like this:
"Will everyone stop thinking that dude is gay? Seriously guys. How immature is it of the media to perceive this guy -- it has to be because of Brokeback, right? I've known this dude forever. He's one of my oldest friends, and it's very weird that they have this -- it's very immature and infantile the way they treat his whole situation. If him hanging out with his bros means he's gay, it's like further perpetuating that weird homophobia that exists in our culture, which is just stupid. So, yeah, he's my buddy. I fuckin' love the guy"
Duly noted, the sequel! Everyone got that, again? Jakey is straighter than a southern baptist pastor! Err, bad example. Okay, let me try this again... Jakey is straighter than a conservative member of New Zealand's parliament! Okay, another shit example. Basically, what I'm getting at is that Ted Casablanca has some explaining to do!
P.S. - Jakey is still Toothy Tile to me, now and forever.