will.i.am

The number one question asked at the Billboard Music Awards tonight was, "Why does it smell like a spoiled chunk of gouda marinating in a dirty diaper on top of a subway platform in the middle of August?" And that's because Ke$hit showed up with her ass hanging out.

The Garbage Pail Kids' favorite pin-up ho actually looks like she was just deflead at the groomers. Yes, that skin-colored lipstick gave her abortion face and her ass cheeks are hanging out (which is a health department violation, I'm sure), but she actually looks clean-ish her. Bitch looks like a male Russian gymnast on estrogen going to a funeral and that IS the look.

And here's some other tricks and tramps at the Billboard Music Awards tonight. In order after Ke$hit: Hell's favorite couple, Hell's second favorite couple, a broke down Harley Quinn, a block of Top Ramen at the ho shit prom, Psy, Justin Bieber's former au pair (wearing a dress accessorized with glow sticks and bendy rubber rollers), Shania Twain, Taylor Swift, an Amish robot and something called a Z LaLa. 

Here's the video for will.i.am and Brit Brit's song "Scream & Shout" and this commercial for a million products is better on your ears if you hit the mute button. Brit Brit is arm dancing like she's never arm danced before! I hope she had at least two 5 minute breaks during the 20 minutes it took to shoot this video, because all that arm dancing looks exhausting. Even though bitch ain't got no brows (Note: Seriously, they couldn't cut pieces of her weave off and use 'em for brows?), she hasn't looked this hot in a long time and that's mainly because she looks like a drag queen Linda Evans as Barbarella.

And Brit Brit's messed up BRITish accent tells me that even she would've made a better Elizabeth Taylor than Lindsay Lohan.