Elon Musk Will Make A Whole New Phone If Apple And Google Block Twitter
You’d think that after a month of playing with a new toy that spoiled billionaire Elon Musk would have gotten bored and moved on to something else to waste his time on. Maybe “manage” his two other businesses? Nah! The man who proved that money can’t buy you cool is still wiling his time away on Twitter, hoping that Nathan Fielder will see it and become his best friend. Shockingly, the only people Elon is managing to befriend throughout this fiasco are far right-winger messes. And due to the increase in hate speech and ugly content, some users believe that this might lead to Twitter being kicked off of Google and Apple’s app stores. But the meme-stealing CEO has a plan for that eventuality: he’ll make his own phone! Please, Elon, stop “fixing” things and go hang out with your kids or something!
Elon Musk Denies He Homewrecked Google Co-Founder Sergey Brin’s Marriage, Says He Hasn’t Had Sex In A While
The diet industry is probably in the Tummy Tea-infused shit can this morning and not because the state of the world is making many of us devour our feelings by shoving all kinds of deep-fried carb delicious into our eating holes without care. No, it’s because many of us have been forced to do intermittent fasting from hearing about Elon Musk busting nuts left and right. Who can eat anything while suffering from the heaves? Well, over the weekend, The Wall Street Journal got in on the adventures of 51-year-old Elon Musk’s dick and they say that it helped destroy the marriage of 48-year-old Google co-founder Sergey Brin and Sergey’s 37-year-old lawyer/entrepreneur wife Nicole Shanahan. But Elon Musk responded to the alleged tech bro billionaire drama, denying that he had an affair with Nicole and saying that he hasn’t “had sex in ages.” This is shocking to everyone who saw those topless pics of Elon Musk sunning his chichis. You’d think everyone would be throwing their genitals at him over that.
Priyanka Chopra Basically Tells Rosie O’Donnell To Google Her After Calling Her “The Chopra Wife”
Rosie O’Donnell is experiencing the aftermath of an off-the-cuff apology after a highly embarrassing encounter with Priyanka Chopra and her husband, Nick Jonas. You see, Rosie assumed that everyone named Chopra was related and suggested she knew Priyanka’s father, Deepak Chopra. Obviously, Rosie isn’t even that good friends with Deepak in the first place if she doesn’t know who his kids are! Deepak is not Priyanka’s father and they’re not any more related than singer Janet Jackson is related to Dawson’s Creek‘s Joshua Jackson. So Rosie took to TikTok and apologized to Nick and the “Chopra wife” for the mix-up and now Priyanka has a response and she suggests that Rosie perhaps pick up Google the next time she wants to apologize to someone.
Ivanka Trump Googled “Feelings” And Decided That Hers Were Hurt By Sister-In-Law Karlie Kloss
Maybe that’s not entirely fair. Perhaps real emotions do reside beneath Ivanka Trump’s exquisitely blank facial canvas with severely limited range of expression, but they have no ready avenue of cutaneous escape. Her sister-in-law, model Karlie Kloss, on the other hand, sports a full palette of facial movements well matched to her speech and feelings. And herein may lie some of the tiff (no, not that Tiff). The other day, we learned from Karlie on Twitter that she’s tried to talk to her in-laws, Ivanka, and cartoon-villain husband Jared Kushner, brother of her own husband, Josh Kushner, about the usual family dinner conversation topics of fair elections and insurrection.
Ivanka didn’t use Twitter to let us know how she feels about Karlie’s tweets and probably because she’s busy fighting with her father, who has been permanently banned from Twitter, about him taking over her Twitter and she will not let that happen since she needs it to spew her own bullshit. But thanks to Page Six, we now know Ivanka’s thoughts on Karlie’s tweets.
Open Post: Hosted By Google’s Most Searched Term For 2020, Which Was Unsurprisingly “Coronavirus”
It’s nearly the end of 2020, and Google has counted up everything people searched for over the past 12 months, and let everyone know what was being looked up. They released the top search terms across a variety of categories, from news to people to recipes to TV shows. And if Google could come up with a search term to represent it all, it could be: Pandemic Stuff. Because guess what? The search results reflect everything we were doing while we were stuck inside.
New Jersey’s Google Searches Of “How To Roll A Joint” Skyrocket After The State Legalizes Weed
Yep, that’s Jersey girl Meryl Streep the moment she discovered she’s totally allowed to blaze in her home state. That’s right! New Jersey, Arizona, Montana, and South Dakota all voted to legalize recreational marijuana. They join twelve other states, including California, Colorado and Illinois. And all of Canada. New Jerseyites immediately hit Google to study up; searches of “how to roll a joint” rose 3,000% on election night. Ehh, it ain’t that hard. Easier than rollin’ a cannoli! Pause for laughs.