Obama Roasts Trump

At last night’s White House Correspondents dinner, basic cable reality stars (see: Sarah Palin), actors of The CW (see: Ian Somerhalder) and half-shaven comedic teddy bears (see: Zach Galifnotgoingtogooglerightnow) sprayed their pits with fancy water to nibble on overcooked filet mignon and flambe their creme brulee desserts on the hot flame that shot out of Donald Trump’s dehydrated hairy toad asshole when Obama verbally double slapped him in the mouth over and over again. Watching a direct descendant of one of Jaba the Hutt’s hemorrhoids sit there with a mad scowl on his face is what would consider as feel good porn. Trump got trumped and I’m sure even the lone sparkle in my rhinestone heart named Melania Trump let out a laugh or two. Melania later told her sugar daddy that she wasn’t laughing, she was letting out a Slovenian boo.

As Obama poked at Trump with a LOL stick for that birth certificate ridiculousness, he just sat there with constipated smile on his face and squirmed like Melania whenever he gives her the “it’s about that time to fulfill paragraph 5, line 10 of your marriage contract” sex look. I mean, the dumb douche could’ve let out a fake laugh or two to show that he’s sort of a good sport, but he just had himself a pouty party for one instead. I really can’t wait to see how the Trump responds. He already used all of his “miserable fat cow” lines on Rosie O’Donnell, so I’m sure he’ll just say that Obama tells jokes like a Kenyan.

Click here if you want to see Obama’s full act (and click here for Seth Meyers’ speech).

And here’s a few pictures of who put oxygen masks over their face as Trump got roasted. In order: Salma Hayek with her husband Francois-Henri Pinault, Zach Galifakanakakaisisis, Trump with Melania, Paula Abdul, Shaun White, Joan Rivers, Amy Poehler with friend, Anna Paquin with Beeeehl, Ian Somerhalder, Briston Palin, Jane Lynch with her wife Dr. Lara Embry, Cee-Lo Green, Sarah Palin, Rachel Maddow,