Suri Cruise Is Magic

May 31, 2011 / Posted by:

Not since the Empress of Lucite magically floated above sand on a bolt of lucite have I been in awe of a girl’s ability to skip along the sand in heels like it’s the most natural thing in the world. Suri’s daddy taught her well, because like him, she never takes her high heels off not even for the beach. At Joel Silver’s annual Memorial Day beach party in Malibu yesterday, Katie Holmes and Suri audited their practical Thetans away to frolic on the sand in heels while the beach goers threw them the same “….the hell is this?” look you throw at the Black Angus hostess when she asks if you have a reservation. But people just don’t understand!

If Suri ran out on the beach in bare feet, nobody would ever take her seriously as a fashion icon and slave to glamour again! Karl Lagerfeld would unfollow her on Twitter, Anna Wintour would stop asking her to approve the Vogue covers and Jimmy Choo would give away her private dressing room at their Beverly Hills store. Yes, Suri’s ankle bones are screaming “NOOOO!” the same way Tommy Girl’s prostate screams “NOOOO!” when he winks at a peen, but she has a reputation to uphold. As Suri said to her podiatrist when he told her that she’s going to have bunions before she turns 6: GLAMOUR HURTS, HONEY!

Katie, on the other hand, she’s just a dumbass.

Our commenting rules: Don't be racist or bigoted, or post comments like "Who cares?", or have multiple accounts, or repost a comment that was deleted by a mod, or post NSFW pics/videos/GIFs, or go off topic when not in an Open Post, or post paparazzi/event/red carpet pics from photo agencies due to copyright infringement issues. Also, promoting adblockers, your website, or your forum is not allowed. Breaking a rule may result in your Disqus account getting permanently or temporarily banned. New commenters must go through a period of pre-moderation. And some posts may be pre-moderated so it could take a minute for your comment to appear if it's approved. If you have a question or an issue with comments, email: michaelk@dlisted.com

src="https://c.statcounter.com/922697/0/f674ac4a/1/"
alt="drupal analytics" >