Hot Slut Of The Day!

Beverly McClellan from The Voice!

The Voice’s live shows started last night and let’s just say that it was a whole lot of messy messy messy messy messy. Three words: XTINA NO PANTS. Xtina’s fupa should not be contained, but it was contained last night in tight black Spandex panties that made me pull an eye muscle. (Next time I’m going to take a tip from Xtina by slathering my eyelids with 100lbs of melted dumb bells so that I can’t even move my eyes to pull a muscle.) But there was a twinkle in the mountain of flat notes, sequined headbands and looks of fear usually seen on the murder victims in Hostel (I’m looking at you, Xenia). And that twinkle was Bev, the bald lesbian from Ft. Lauderdale who has been performing in bars and clubs for the past 20 years. Leave it to a seasoned ho with a neck tat to put all those bitches to shame.

My mom asked me a few episodes ago if Bev has ever been in prison, because she’s got the kind of swagger that makes everybody drop their soaps in the shower room. I don’t know the answer to that question, but I do know that I’d be her bottom bunk wife if she asked me. Here’s Bev hollering like Britney with a green umbrella during last night’s performance:

My only critique is that they really need to stop with the Melissa Etheridge songs. Just because she likes to roll her tongue on labia doesn’t mean she should be singing Melissa Etheridge songs. Bev better watch it. If she keeps singing Melissa Etheridge songs, Tammy Lynn Michaels is going to start writing 3,000 word haikus about how she broke her heart with a box of new dildos. But other than that, I say GOOOOO BEV!