Natalie Portman Gives Birth To The Most Perfect Human Being On Earth
In the middle of a Walmart in Oklahoma, Oscar-winning actress, Ivy League graduate and savior of the animals Natalie Portman gave birth to a son she has named Americus! No, but Natalie Portman and her fiancé Benjamin Millepied are now proud parents to baby boy she birthed out today.
People usually has every little detail down to how much the baby's brain weighs and if they made smoothies out of the placenta afterward (they didn't), but they don't have much this time. They don't have the name or anything else. This is Natalie Portman we're talking about so I'm guessing the name will be equals parts Jewish, French and pretension. Something like Y'hoshua Yves Portman-Millepied. Or maybe Woody Allen Baguette Portman-Millepied. It doesn't matter anyway, because in the near future we'll be calling her baby "overlord," I'm sure.
And how long before Natalie Portman's birthing double comes forward and says she only did about 5% of her own pushing?
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Benjamin has 'sizemeat-face'...... please post nude photos of Benjamin!!!!!
Wow, Gemini mommy, daddy and now baby. Family o'flakes. Good for them. I hope someone remembers to change the kid's diapers every once in awhile.
Congrats on the baby. I wish I knew the whole story on the supposed daddy. He seems like a psycho.
Finally!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Daniel Pierre
Joshua Felix
@VitaminF,
psychology is really not a difficult undergrad degree to obtain. In fact that and international relations are the chosen majors of frat boys and DDD sorority girls in most colleges. It is sort of like a "safe" major because except for in a few cases, you dont need to know any facts and dont have/learn any actual skills. Many people chose this as a safe major and then usually move on to grad school. Plus i mean by the time she was going to harvard, she was already famous and had famous people write her letters of rec. I highly doubt that she would have gotten had it not been for her fame. Had she studied physics at harvard or civil engineering I would bow down, but for a psychology degree at a school that is famous for being a fame whore and likes to admit celebs to elevate its status.
...
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"Charlie you fucking bitch, let's work it out" - High Fidelity
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相关的主题文章：
So what? She went to Harvard, and that makes her a pretentious person?
I think it's actually refreshing to see celebrities who have brains.
And if she's really pretentious, I'd rather she be for good reasons (=smart) than all the celebrities who are pretentious but are dumb as fuck (the Kardashians and the likes of them)
This is Natalie Portman we're talking about so I'm guessing the name will be equals parts Jewish, French and pretension
WORD, G*d I loathe her!
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11
I'm hoping it's no. 41 on the Jewish Ghetto Names List :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ktmlU1l_jys
Mossad Pirouette Portman-Millepied.
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"I'd hate to have to go around thinking of health & shit like that." Keith Richards, 1997
Congrats to her. She'll be a good mama, I'm guessing. And LOL at Michael K's names for the kid.
This bitch is going to do everything she can to hide the fact that the baby came out with a wet perm playing "Forever in Love" on a saxophone fetus.
Congrats!
Submitted by OXA on Wed, 06/15/2011 - 9:25am.
Russel Crowe wants to know of baby Millepoops circumcized?
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Rumor has it that he showed up in the delivery room and chucked a phone in their general direction.
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""There is no chicken or egg. It's molecular." - Lady Gaga
Russel Crowe wants to know of baby Millepoops circumcized?
nice kosher mellons there...
Submitted by smokeybaconflavour on Wed, 06/15/2011 - 3:23am.
Is this the wrong time to say that I think NP's an overrated actress?
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What, you couldnt spot great acting in her i'm constipated and confused about it facial expressions throughout Black Swan? Pah sir, you know nothing about acting!
She should name it Bagel.
oh, I can't WAIT to hear the fuckery these two came up with.
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""There is no chicken or egg. It's molecular." - Lady Gaga
As I feel extra cunty this morning, I am going to ask Natalie to show me her thesis/papers/grades to prove that she is brainy. I aint taking it from her mouf, I gotta see the proof.
Also, who cares she gave birth?? Millions give birth each minuite, crowding our poor earth even more and more. Thats why I am 30 and don't even think about birthing in near future, probably will adopt when the maternal instinct kicks me in the ovary in 10 years.
Jewish people don't name children after living relatives. Just an FYI.
Mazel tov!
Now go away.
Well that birf was faster than Mariah's was! And Jen Aniston's new piece looks a little like Natalie's pretentious piece. Just a little.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Congrats Natalie. I mean I could care less about her but I guess I don't get all the hate. Atleast she is college educated and not running around like a useless vapid skank (a la Paris Hilton). I feel there are many others in this world we should be judging for having a child
before her.
Meh. I'll go back to not caring now.
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Take a bow, freak. Jack-n-the-hat 10-5-2009
For what purpose was this created? A goddamn project for whore school? Sophie_003 10-6-2009
My guess is Levi and I hope not cause I hear that waaaay too much now.
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Visit my husband's webcomic DUNGEON HORDES at http://www.drunkduck.com/dungeon_hordes
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Great job Natalie. Another pointless human existence on a ruined planet. Yay.
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"End well: this isn't going to." - MK
I hate this pretentious bitch so much. She's so fucking ugly when she smiles.
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I like living this way. I like loving this way.
Submitted by zomay on Tue, 06/14/2011 - 11:23pm.
the name will be equals parts Jewish, French and pretension. Something like Y'hoshua Yves Portman-Millepied. Or maybe Woody Allen Baguette Portman-Millepied.
Haaahaaaaahaaaaa!!
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Luv it!
I don't care what you ppl write but this is not Michael K blogging.
As for Portman, congratulations and can we move on, who gives a shit.
Who else is left to pop? I know the list was long, but I can barely remember - Jessica Alba, Tori Spelling, Kate Hudson, Slutty Jones..
Probably the only one on that list who can be counted on to come up with a fucked up name is Hudson.
Honestly, I dont give a shit and no reason why I should.
Is this the wrong time to say that I think NP's an overrated actress?
bout time this heifer dropped her load
"Woody Allen Baguette Portman-Millepied".
The Baguette part did me in. They'd be fools not to go for this name.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
.
How could they've forgotten: OVER THE MOON!!!! ?
Funny everyone thought she looked 9 months pg at the Oscars, ..4 mos ago.
.
Millipeeyoo has a tattoo that I've read is based on something by Oskar Schlemmer. So "Oskar" might end up being the baby's name, and they can claim it's because of his admiration of the artist, but it will really be just to remind everyone that she won one. But somehow, I still think she will throw the Avner in there after her father.
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When I was crazy I thought you were great
Submitted by Pincheborracha on Tue, 06/14/2011 - 9:57pm.
Congratulations to Natalie Portman and Darren Aronofsky I mean Benjamin Millepied.
:D
Submitted by fishsticksfan: "I'm thinking more about you than whoever that may or may not be. Now please help me because I'm accidently watching Ice Loves Coco. >:( "
This is when I miss my tv.
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Tue, 06/14/2011 - 9:31pm.
AP is saying she performed her own C-section, without painkillers, using only Zen-based breathing techniques. The baby has been pre-accepted at Phillips Academy, Class of 2018.
Lolllol
the name will be equals parts Jewish, French and pretension. Something like Y'hoshua Yves Portman-Millepied. Or maybe Woody Allen Baguette Portman-Millepied.
Haaahaaaaahaaaaa!!
Submitted by Morbidosity on Tue, 06/14/2011 - 10:47pm.
Words to think about. You've figured out who it is too, haven't you?
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I'm thinking more about you than whoever that may or may not be. Now please help me because I'm accidently watching Ice Loves Coco. >:(
<"People usually has every little detail down to how much the baby's brain weighs and if they made smoothies out of the placenta afterward (they didn't), but they don't have much this time.">
A conspiracy theorist might say for as big as she looked at the Oscars that they might have "welcomed their arrival" a little while back. Wasn't there some problem with his -ex and exactly when their relationship started?
Submitted by fishsticksfan: "Don't you see? That is why whoever - an anonymous asshole online - is pushing these exact buttons of yours. The more you react, the more they will push. Honor your husband in a manner more worthy of his memory."
I, too, understand and often agree with the whole taking the higher road (before there was GOOP, there was this bitch named Emily Post) because if you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas, but I haven't buried a husband yet. And who is this CA? Why the secrecy in a place where we have screen names and avi's only?
Morbidosity: It sounds like maybe your husband was a firefighter, or law enforcement? And even if not, I'd like to thank him and you for his sacrifice. My husband is a state trooper and I've found over and over again that people are sorely lacking in respect, UNTIL THEY NEED HIM. I know we don't know one another but please know some of us care.
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Well-behaved women rarely make history
Can we ALL hit the abuse button for Morbid?
Where is offending link so we can all hit abuse?
This is Natalie Portman we're talking about so I'm guessing the name will be equals parts Jewish, French and pretension.
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Afreakingmen.
Submitted by fishsticksfan on Tue, 06/14/2011 - 10:44pm.
Don't you see? That is why whoever - an anonymous asshole online - is pushing these exact buttons of yours. The more you react, the more they will push. Honor your husband in a manner more worthy of his memory.
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Words to think about. You've figured out who it is too, haven't you?
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Yeah, Fuck it.
Submitted by Morbidosity on Tue, 06/14/2011 - 10:40pm.
Love ya Gwennie, and hate to sound like a bitch saying that, but there are certain things I will not tolerate.........ever.
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Don't you see? That is why whoever - an anonymous asshole online - is pushing these exact buttons of yours. The more you react, the more they will push. Honor your husband in a manner more worthy of his memory.
Submitted by Morbidosity: "Casey.. Casey...Casey. Your as transparent as glass, I know who you *really* and PS: your jabs at me about my late husband no longer bother me much. You could only hope to have a man as great as he was. He died doing a very honorable job, saving a dumbass similar to YOU.
As for my job.. my education (that you sorely lack) will prevent me from ever having to do menial jobs such as yours."
Yeah, I'm tardy for the party I guess and don't know what's really going on here but I'm going to jump behind this right here 100 fucking per cent.
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Well-behaved women rarely make history