Of Course.
The happening of Pippa Middleton has stepped up its game since she became single and now it's added a new strain. Specifically, a ginger strain that causes rigor mortis in the nipples and leaks in the genitals. In news that is about as expected as me writing "leaks in the genitals," UsWeekly put Prince Hot Ginge and Pippa Middleton together on their cover this week. Now, I know this should make me bust into a flailing ball of rage and perform the one-bitch version of Falling Down in my own apartment (my dog will play the Robert Duvall role) but this is just one of those silicone chest cutlet covers! You know, on the outside they look like a pair of organic chichis sprouted from nature, but it's a different story on the inside.
Jezebel says that the outside of UsWeekly's cover screams OMGPIPPAANDHARRYAREFUCKING but on the inside it says that they've never been on a date and PHG is actually back with that South African sloppy slut Chelsy Davy! But this isn't going to stop tabloids from putting PHG and Pippa together without actually putting them together, so let me help them out by speeding this wishful thinking relationship up!
Issue Date: July 6, 2011
Cover headline: Prince Harry's Romantic Late-Night Movie Date With "Pippa"
Story: A source close to Prince Harry exclusively tells Us that the world's most eligible royal bachelor came home from the pub late one night and turned on the telly to find Pippi Longstocking playing. "Prince Harry was completely charmed by the movie and said that the name 'Pippi' sounds just like the name 'Pippa.' Harry said that he's going to call Pippa 'Pippa Longstocking' from now on. When he laughed, I could tell he was thinking about her," said the source. A rep for Pippa could not be reached for comment.
Issue Date: August 3, 2011
Cover headline: Inside Prince Harry & Pippa's Intimate Fantasy Wedding! "The bride looked gorgeous!"
Story: Prince Harry and Pippa Middleton stand side by side at a wedding....for their mutual friend's dogs! A witness tells Us, "At one point during the reception, the pug groom had a little accident on Prince Harry's arm. Pippa immediately grabbed a paper towel and cleaned it up for him. Pippa's hand lingered for a moment." E-mails and phone calls to the bride and groom's representatives were not returned by press time.
Issue Date: September 7, 2011
Cover headline: Prince Harry & Pippa's SHOCKING SPLIT!
Story: During a get together at Prince William and Duchess Catherine's apartment at Kensington Palace, Pippa Middleton ate a spoon full of Prince Harry's banana split. This was uncharacteristic for Pippa since there's been whispers among royal sources that she's lactose intolerant. "I was bored. It was a Friday. Leave me alone!," said the intern who wrote this story.
There we go!!! A date, wedding and break-up cover to take us through summer! Now we can go back to thinking Pippa is just a lispy Bostonian's way of saying pepper. And for those of us who know what's good, we can go back to fapping to Prince Hot Ginge without Pippa's face cock blocking us!
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Pippa looks WAY old! Too much tanning her skin is looking like George Hamilton.
Prince Hot Ginge is kinda morphing into the New Prince Andrew. Soon he'll be dating a porn star like Andrew did. What does he care? He's never gonna be king so live it up Harry!!
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I'M DONESVILLE!
Nourish the Inner Asshole
Borrachas of the world unite and take over!
Just watch one day she'll be as happening as the Red Hot Chili Pippas!
Not true. She's a Middleton so she doesn't care that her best friend Chelsy dated Harry for 6 years, the Middletons will cut a bitch to get a tittle, but the biggest reason I don't believe this shit? SHE'S NOT BLONDE.
Harry only dates blondes. Seriously go back in his dating history and every single girl he's banged has what in common? They're ALL BLONDE.
Let's pretend this was true, what the fuck has happened to the Queen? I thought it was weird when she let Waity marry into the family, but her grandson dating another Middleton? She's getting soft in her old age.
Yes, Chelsea practices law. She works at a firm in London. Also, um...EW. Ya'll are RELATED for God's sake! *vom*
This is some Cruel Intention shit right here.
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I set fire to the rain
And I threw us into the flames
Well, I felt something die,
Cause I knew that
That was the last time,
The last time
-Adele
Ugh!! Those beady rodent eyes.
Just give me 30 seconds and a sharp stick.
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Rod & The Faces Maybe I'm Amazed
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I always had a pretty low opinion of Chelsy Davey because she seemed like a hot mess. Then I heard she was working as a trainee at Allen and Overy - pretty impressive. I wonder what the status of that is? Wiki says she's taking time off to relax and travel? Figures... I have good grades at a top law school and was rejected from them immediately lol. I'd kill for that job and wish I could take her spot.
I also want to add we need to be fair to Kim here. If I went from the yummy Reggie Bush to a Cro-Magnon who looks like he needs a crash helmet, I'd have a hard time faking it too.
Why does his hair look like a rusted Brillo pad? Just asking.
Pippa and Harry? Please, make it happen. I'm all over that shit.
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“People say that you're going the wrong way when it's simply a way of your own” St. Angelina
Submitted by madam s. on Thu, 06/16/2011 - 11:23am.
I don't understand the hate for Chelsy Davy. I think she seems like hot shit, and Prince Ginge would be stupid to let her go.
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me too. if PHG insists on not marrying me, i'd let Chelsy stand in my place.
Submitted by KidL on Thu, 06/16/2011 - 12:00pm.
I like Chelsey Davey. She works as an attorney
Um, no she doesn't.
I like Chelsey Davey. She works as an attorney, doesn't court the paps and seems pretty down-to-earth unlike the Middleton sisters.
hahaha!that pippa is a more accepted version of a Kardashian.
That fake kiss is ridiculous. Hey, horz, remember the first six months of dating? Remember how you couldn't keep your hands off that hot piece? Yeah. Kim looks like she can't wait to wash Neanderthal's cooties OFF. He looks pretty game for it, though.
There is NOTHING going on between those two.
I don't believe for a second that there is.
she may be a drinking buddy, but that's it.
Prince Harry has his PICK of lovely ladies everywhere, and he's going to settle for this? No. sooonotgonnahappen.
And all those who are dissing Chelsea Davy, that's just who she is. PHG is a fiery, flame-haired rebel. He loves dirty, slutty skanks and makes no apologies - just like Daddy. Well, not so much of a rebel then.
But I vote that PHG should hook up with that hot slut Bambi or the nasty-hot femdom from secret diary of a call girl. That's the only way I can tolerate more royal crap shoved down my throat.
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"Never ascribe to malice that which can adequately be explained by incompetence."
- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
I don't understand the hate for Chelsy Davy. I think she seems like hot shit, and Prince Ginge would be stupid to let her go.
Please stop posting about this frumpy old-looking nobody.
@hekki
I'm eyeliner queen, it's the only thing I wear on my face since uni. 60s(?) style winged cat eye though. My mom always says my eyes look very sleepy and eyeliner makes a huge difference to my face.
Good God Pippa. She and Kate need to lay off the harsh eyeliner and wear a brownish burgundy shade,winged and smudged. Top lid only. And a highlighter in the inner corner to widen the eyes. Who ever called this one opossum face is right on the money (or pound).
And yes, YT is fabulous for makeup tutorials. Many makeup "gurus" make a living off doing them. I just watch the videos randomly while getting ready or when I have nothing to do.
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"Never ascribe to malice that which can adequately be explained by incompetence."
- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
Chelsy Davy is NASTY -- to'w up from the flo' up nasty.
I love you MK, this is brilliant! In related news I really wanted Mary Sue to win Top Chef Masters last night.
I wish the American media would stop trying to make Pippa happen. I could truly not give less of a fuck about her, her hobbies, her love life, her hairstyle, etc. (I say "hairstyle" because there was actually an article in a recent 'Us' mag issue about "The Middleton Blowout." I'm not joking.)
At first I thought Pippa was a cute girl, but the more I look at her, and the more irritated I get at having her crammed down my froat, the more I think she looks like Demi Moore at 40 years old. I can't believe Pippa is in her 20s. Bitch looks beat.
She IS an upgrade from Chelsey Davy, I suppose.
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""There is no chicken or egg. It's molecular." - Lady Gaga
Pick up your genitals and unfreeze your nipples but there really IS something brewing between them. I say no more.
This Pippa chick is boring as hell.
Do people really give a shit about her? Other than in the UK?
Can somebody please tell the Middleton girls that black eyeliner on the inside rim of already small, beady eyes only serves to make them even smaller and beadier.
If Pippa really wants to pimp herself out she needs to get her skinny ass over here to the states so we can give her a makeover Kardashian style. She'll never land a rich dude without massive amonts of weave, pumped up lips and huge fake tatas.
snowy, hahahahah- it is SO FAKE. And in EVERY pic of them kissing, they do it. Yeah, she's marrying him for love for sure. She couldn't keep her hands off Reggie Bush (well, i wouldn't be able to either)!
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I thank you for the kindness, and the times when you got tough
And Papa, I don't think I said "I love you" near enough
6/1942-7/2010
This is one of very few sites where I can open RSS, see a headline and start laughing before I even click it to read the article.
Bravo, MK.
Chelsy Davy looks like the youngest Hanson.
Michael K, you are brilliant.
You just gave the tabloids their cover articles FOR FREE! *LOL*
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One minute you're crying on their shoulders, the next minute you're using your tears as lube to ride that shit and fuck the hurt away.- The Brilliant MichaelK- 3/10/11
I'm not buying this. Harry is into tacky blondes.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
ha ha PSL I was about to comment on that fake kiss! I love how she tries to appear like such a demure lady when we all know it's just cuz she's not that into him!!!!
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11
its bruce bitch...
boooyyy.. I soooo agree with you.. That Chelsea South Africa Davy is a sloppy slut.. at the royal wedding she looked like she got that dress at Rave... thats the mall version of Dots.. she was either like, "I'm over this mess" or "its coming off anyway, so why bother?"
I am too distracted by that fake as hell "kiss" of Kim soon-to-be-Humphries and her Giant.
They do that fake kiss in all pics! it is such a joke.
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I thank you for the kindness, and the times when you got tough
And Papa, I don't think I said "I love you" near enough
6/1942-7/2010
I am SO tired of hearing about the Middleton sisters. Neither one is attractive nor seems to have any real accomplishments. Pippa is ONLY famous because big sis married Prince Fug.
Her eyes are too close together. Actually, his are, too. If they had a kid it would look like a flounder.
Oh GOD! Make this Pippa thing STOP!!
Do all British women insist that their tan is orange?
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Dark-sided!
less eyeliner!
i just don't find her all that interesting and don't see why she needs to "happen" at all.
mk's take on this was the only reason i read the blurb at all; and darling, you are on a roll.
is it friday yet?
jebus,she's got a busted ass face.
and I cosign with jack, give the prince some hot pussy!!!
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What a friend I have in jesus, I can say that
honestly. He's not like all my other friends who really don't care about me.
I don't know why but I kind of want these two to happen. They'll be the more entertaining yang to the dullness and boring yin of Wills and Kate. I can't stand Chelsy! Seriously what is he doing with that mess?? I'm South African and I think she's embarrassing.
And yes what is with the Middleton girls and excessive use of eyeliner? tacky as fuck
"Wench place it down as if it were ablaze" - Shakespeare telling a woman to drop it like it's hot
This needs to happen and happen fast. She would be good for him and not that janky, broken down mess Chelsea he's been didling. You've got to wonder if she is just a little bit jealous that her sister is a princess / queen. This would be her ticket in.
Pfft, I know Pippa is a less-hot Jerri Blank but I still would and you would too! Look at that face! It would totally fulfill that "taking advantage of the slow chick" fantasy!
Overly tanned and that lip mole looks like its taking on a life of it's own.
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Yeah, Fuck it.
PeePee looks like a 39 year old divorcee who works the pageant circuit with her 10 year old daughter who is just as average looking as her. I'm just saying.
And why would anyone care? Girl bye! Fame must be better than a joint rolled with the finest weed and sprinkled with premium coke smoked while having an orgasm because the famewhoring just never stops.
They've known each other for 10 years (as long as Catherine has been in his brothers life) Where was US magazine or People mag back then? Americans are way behind in royal news so stop tring to stir up shit. They probably already had a fling and that's that.
Whe all see who got the look in the Middleton girls. CAtherine is stunning, this Pippa not so much but I bet she a ton of fun.
Dreadful photo. Bushy brows, eyeliner mistake, orange skin, plain as a pikestaff. Can we move on?
Pippa would be better served just lining her upper lid because her eyes are small. I think they do this for the camera. Her sister wears a lot of liner but her eyes are different than Pippa's.
She looks like that homely idol host after abdul. kara? i agree she looks older in the face but who's looking at her face?
-like a bitch in heat, i seem to attract a coterie of policemen and sanitation officials. -JKT