The Wizard Sweat Was Spewing At Last Night's Harry Potter Premiere
If you walked by the front of Avery Fisher Hall in NYC last night and wondered why hundreds of Harry Potter fangirls were licking the red carpet and scooting their Muggle 'ginas like proud graduates of Toby's School of New Tricks, it's because Tom Felton, Daniel Radcliffe and Rupert Grint nearly melted their nipples off and drops of their DNA splattered all over the place.
NYC is currently trapped in one of Lucifer's wet butt bubbles and the Harry Potter boys were forced to cover most of their body pores in suits from Friar Tux black label collection, so they were pretty much trying to learn how to pant from all of their exposed orifices. But not Emma Watson! Even though Emma looked like a rabid raccoon trying to scurry out of a burlap sack stuck to some opera curtains, she could raise her hand and be sure! And not only was Emma one of the only ones whose body didn't feel like a dirty armpit pad at the end of the night, but she's also been drunk before! FYI:
Here's more from last night's premiere. In order: All those HP chirruns, Alan Rickman, Ugly Betty, SJP with a tiny gondolier, Seth Green with his wife, Mister Jay (wearing the carcass of a spirit animal), Joey Fat One with his family and Matthew Broderick.
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Who gives a flying FUCK about Jay fuckin' Manlickeruel? Ya just know that Miss Next Top Bottom with the flare hems and the pink nails likes to take it bare from the off ramp orange entrepeneurs in the bario. His re fried fajita ass'd suck the guacamole off a chimichanga from across the street.
she looks like a rabid raccoon
Oh Alan Rickman, I would let you do things to me on a daily basis that would make Jesus cry.
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"Submitted by suckandfuck on Fri, 04/16/2010 - 5:46pm.
I would slaughter a thousand babies for an hour alone with Mike Rowe."
OMG Friar Tux! You truly are a SGV boy, Mikey. It's still there, you know.
And I'm a little verklempt over the oldness of the Potter kids. I mean, they'd all be college graduates now, wouldn't they, if only they all didn't have eleventy billion dollars apiece. Farewell, rich little actors! I'll miss you all.
I had to take my daughter(please...please...oh pleeeeasssse...OMG...OMG) to the Harry Potter exhibit in Manhattan. Of course she had to get the listening device thing that talks at the numbered station. SHE STOPPED AT EVERY ONE! TWO HOURS!
And of course I'll be taking her to see this also.
*no...of course I'm not sleeping* zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
I've read the books and liked them. Rowling does a good job. The movies are ok and often hard to follow because so much has been edited out. As a whole, I think the entire cast is obnoxious as hell while in the States. I would assume it's due to WB et al. They all seemed more relaxed and at ease at the London premiere. IMO.
Emma Watson's brave to wear that much eye makeup on a stinking hot day - I'd live in fear of a black tar meltdown.
I love her earrings.
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 4:31pm.
Submitted by elmo533 on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 4:10pm.
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Speaking as a native NY'er who's spent a good deal of time in the South and mid-west, I'd say that it's far worse in the Big Apple. I agree with Ms. Jane, it's far easier in Texas, because everything is air conditioned. NY will never be as A/C dependent because A) It's only hot as balls 2 months out of the year, and the other 10 months we're freezing our nuts off. B) We're right on the water so the humidity makes everything far worse. and C) Electricity (and the cost of living in general) are/is high as hell here. ConnEd wouldn't be able to handle the increased demand and we'd all be sitting in the dark.
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"'Those who danced were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.' We hear the music and we still think you're insane, bitch. For the record." [Michael K on Megan Fox]
I'm confused, why are we looking at photos of Jay Manuel? How can he be even remotely connected to Harry Potter? Doesn't compute ...
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This signature will be publicly displayed at the end of my comments.
http://hipandcritical.blogspot.com/
Snideychick sez:
ALAN RICKMAN IS GOD AND CAN DO NO WRONG!!!!
Submitted by elmo533 on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 4:10pm.
Are you in NYC? I am a Texan too (obv.) and I find it WAY more miserable here. As you said, Texas knows how to use A/C and that is not the case in a lot of places in the city. Plus having to walk everywhere/take the subway/ some Cabs don't have A/C..ugh miserable. When I visit my family back in Texas I have to take sweaters everywhere in the summertime cause it's so cold inside places!
ontopic: couldn't care less about HP.
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Take a bow, freak. Jack-n-the-hat 10-5-2009
For what purpose was this created? A goddamn project for whore school? Sophie_003 10-6-2009
LOL @ Muggle ginas
thanks MK, i love how you can spin HP words into your stories. lol
It's not that hot up here. I know I'm biased cause I'm from Texas, but everytime some Yankee pisses and moans about how hot it is I do an internal eye roll. Don't het me wrong, it's hot, but not that hot. At least down south we understand (and overuse) the blessings of CENTRAL AIR CONDITIONING. either way I'd rather be here than in Texas right now.
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Menage a NO! NO! NO!-MK
Who put that ugly dress on that beautiful child? Emma needs to fire her stylist immediately.
You know. Short guys are a lot of fun. They try extra hard in bed, plus some of them have nice big dks.
I like big boys, but some of the small ones will shock you with their energy and stamina...
Submitted by BlueOrchid on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 1:09pm.
Ferris looks like he needs a few more days off.
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awwwwwh shit!
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"Wrist full of colorful rubberbands!" - album reviewer extraordinaire Khia
quite fittingly...
http://j.mp/f89sny
Submitted by ISprainedMyUvula on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 12:31pm.
Submitted by urmomma on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 12:16pm.
*arm wrassles UVY for ginger*...he comes with his own bong and I cannot let that sort of shit slip thru my hands!
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*throws the bong and runs with the boy*
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Oh.you.are.good.
*skips off with bong*
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Hell, everything would be better with stick ponies-MK
Submitted by LCFitz on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 1:36pm.
Anywhos, I watch the movies because of Alan Rickman. I would pay to watch that man read a phone book on an empty stage. He is just too, too sexy.
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Have you seen Closetland? I LOVE that film :D
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"House arrest sounds like a dream!" - hermit crabs
Submitted by rotten_egg on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 1:30pm.
Really? I didn't see Equus and I used to think all of them had potential when the Potter movies first came out, but eventually Emma was just pretending she was on a damn photo shoot, Rupert was perpetually on a duh state and Daniel couldn't take himself out of "normal" mode. When he was supposed to cry after finding out Sirius Black was his betraying godfather, it made me giggle because his acting was so painfully bad. He reminded me of a 3 year old fake-crying for a sweet.
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You know, I haven't seen the other movies in a while to comment, but his character got pretty annoying in the books themselves. It was the worst in books 6 and 7 where he was all emo and being like NO ONE UNDERSTANDS MY LIFE. But I was pleasantly surprised with Equus--he really owned that part. Richard Griffiths (Dumbledore) was in the play too...also did a fantastic job.
The biggest beef I have with the HP movies is the distressing lack of Jason Isaacs.
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""There is no chicken or egg. It's molecular." - Lady Gaga
Submitted by CuriouserAndCur... on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 1:00pm.
I hate the way Mr. Jay wears his pants.
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They look like women's bell bottoms to me...that puke on his blouse is not more fashionable either...how in the hell can this trick pretend he is an authority in fashion and modeling when he cannot even dress and groom himself? Bitch looks like a post-menopausal Coral Gables divorcee circa 1975. If you are going to do drag at least show up in something hot.
"A hole's a hole as long as there's a little heat in there." - suckandfuck
"The dudes look plucked and pampered while the chicks look fucked and tampered. I love it." - MK
·...¸><((((º>·´¯`·. ¸.><
Ugh, DanRad sure has grown up to be an ugly little troll, eh? His gross little mouth disturbs me. He's got the kind of smile that is less a smile and more just a baring of the teeth. Teeny, tiny teeth.
Alan Rickman is the hottest bitch of the bunch. Yum.
I saw the first film - can't remember much about it. Just not my bag, baby. I'm glad this is the last film - maybe we'll finally get a rest from all this annoying-as-fuck Pottermania. So sick of it all.
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"House arrest sounds like a dream!" - hermit crabs
I haven't read the books because Rowling dissed C.S. Lewis in an interview. >:E Bitch, you so much as SNEEZE at the author of the Chronicles of Narnia again and I will end you.
Anywhos, I watch the movies because of Alan Rickman. I would pay to watch that man read a phone book on an empty stage. He is just too, too sexy.
Pretty girl. Ugly dress.
Pretty girl. Ugly dress.
-"Submitted by WhiskeyTango on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 1:07pm."
Really? I didn't see Equus and I used to think all of them had potential when the Potter movies first came out, but eventually Emma was just pretending she was on a damn photo shoot, Rupert was perpetually on a duh state and Daniel couldn't take himself out of "normal" mode. When he was supposed to cry after finding out Sirius Black was his betraying godfather, it made me giggle because his acting was so painfully bad. He reminded me of a 3 year old fake-crying for a sweet.
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-"I am not about to deal with unstable people" - HEART ANGELINA.
Submitted by rotten_egg on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 12:47pm.
I like both first films but hate the rest with a passion. It's like Steve Kloves took a bunch of pages, wiped his ass after a really stinky dump and used that to come up with the scripts for the Harry Potter movies. His first two attempts were good, after that I think he just stoped giving a damn about logic and quality. Same goes for most directors. The last films feel like a wizard version of Transformers. CGI is way too fucking overrated.
ITA..I struggled through Goblet of Fire and then the others were just way too confusing so I gave up. :(
Ferris looks like he needs a few more days off.
Submitted by rotten_egg on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 12:47pm.
Daniel and Emma can't act to save their asses, so the movies are a huge pile of steamy turds. She should focus on modeling instead, seems like it's what she can do best. At least, that's all she's been doing on the Potter movies.
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Don't know if Emma Watson has been in anything else, but DanRad was VERY good in Equus (and not just because you see his peen!). He definitely has potential, if he avoids being typecast as "Harry Potter."
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""There is no chicken or egg. It's molecular." - Lady Gaga
I hate the way Mr. Jay wears his pants.
You know, they picked kids that were kind of cute and they really lucked out with Hermione...bam, gorgeous adult....Ron, um he's a ginger, I'll give him the pass...but Harry? Man, all kinds of wrong. He's the Elijah Wood of the series. Elijah was adorable in "The Good Son" and then he grew up and creeped everyone out with his bulging eyes and miniature stature.
It would appear that his fly is open. Red boxers. Nice.
I love how SJP looks like she's trying SOOO hard to be all smiley and happy, while Ferris Bueller and the mini gondolier just look upset at being there. Especially the kid, he's obviously like "mom, why are you making me wear this stupid hat?!"
I thought the rich mean kids at Brown chased her out.
I like both first films but hate the rest with a passion. It's like Steve Kloves took a bunch of pages, wiped his ass after a really stinky dump and used that to come up with the scripts for the Harry Potter movies. His first two attempts were good, after that I think he just stoped giving a damn about logic and quality. Same goes for most directors. The last films feel like a wizard version of Transformers. CGI is way too fucking overrated.
Daniel and Emma can't act to save their asses, so the movies are a huge pile of steamy turds. She should focus on modeling instead, seems like it's what she can do best. At least, that's all she's been doing on the Potter movies.
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-"I am not about to deal with unstable people" - HEART ANGELINA.
Joey Fatone's sure got some ugly-ass kids to match his ugly-ass self. *retch*
Why is SJP's son dressed like Huckleberry Finn, and why why WHY does he never have a decent haircut?? He looks like one of those dirty faced trailer park kids who always stare at your car while you're driving by because they haven't got any toys and there's only dirt and insects to play with.
Submitted by howdareyou on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 12:32pm.
I think I read somewhere that she dropped out of college. Couldn't do college and promote this at the same time, or something.
I could be wrong, though.
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I think she deferred a couple semesters but I didn't think she dropped out completely.
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"And people try to tell me that God wasn't high on the good shit when he made this place" -by angel_i
Is James Wilkey Amish?
She is too vertically challenged for that dress, which is lovely.
Seth has always tried to be the cool kids cool kid but he's harmless and keeps to himself. Let him have his Lolita.
Who dressed Daniel and the ginge kid - and where is his brown paper bag?
Submitted by urmomma on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 12:16pm.
*arm wrassles UVY for ginger*...he comes with his own bong and I cannot let that sort of shit slip thru my hands!
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*throws the bong and runs with the boy*
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Try to be original, like the Colonel Sanders (may he rest in peace with his secret spices and shit). - urmomma
Submitted by Bowchickawawa on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 12:23pm.
Good thing she's getting an education.
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I think I read somewhere that she dropped out of college. Couldn't do college and promote this at the same time, or something.
I could be wrong, though.
ETA: http://www.celebitchy.com/145606/emma_watson_dropped_out_of_college_to_b...
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 11:53am.
M.E- Be glad you don't. He is the main reason I had to stop watching, well that, and the bullshit that comes out of Tyra's mouth regarding modeling.
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Ah no, I used to LOVE her barely coherent ramblings! Comedy gold everytime!
Especially when she'd start banging on about how she was the perfect model/professional/daughter/friend/human being when SHE was starting out in modelling.
Bitch please!! AS IF!! hahaha
I was only half awake last night while Letterman was on but I did catch most of Emma's interview. I didn't know much about her to begin with...I'm not into HP at all...but I learned that she likes to wave her freak flag, wide and proudly! I found her to be really into herself, to be honest. She thinks she's the shit! It seemed as if she really thinks she's terribly witty and amusing but I found her annoying a bit boring. I had to turn the TV way down in volume until she was gone. I somehow doubt she will get loads of offers and roles after being Hermione, or whoever she played, for so long. Good thing she's getting an education.
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"And people try to tell me that God wasn't high on the good shit when he made this place" -by angel_i
I don't care what anyone says. I love SJP and her fashion choices. I have met her in NYC and she was lovely.
With all the truly detestable no-talent slobs that pass as celebrities, why all the hating on Keira Knightly and Emma Watson?
*arm wrassles UVY for ginger*...he comes with his own bong and I cannot let that sort of shit slip thru my hands!
Emma is a doll. She is a good girl...so far. I like that.
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Hell, everything would be better with stick ponies-MK
Submitted by Fronika on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 12:11pm.
Emma Watson is not gorgeous, she's a younger version of Keira Knightley.
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Agree and agree. Just a typical English girl made to look pretty with money.
Most English women (without cosmetic help) seem to age terribly.
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twerk those stumps!
Emma Watson is not gorgeous, she's a younger version of Keira Knightley. Both have hard hatchet faces and neither will age well.
"No matter how cynical you become, it's impossible to keep up." - Lily Tomlin
by the way, the silver twink is MR. Jay, not MISS Jay. Miss Jay sort of fell off a year or two ago...methinks she pissed off Ego Almighty - I mean Tyra - somehow.
anyway Mr. Jay's pants are to die for. I wonder where he got them.
oh and Emma? you have a little bit of shizz in the corner of your eye...let me get that for you...come here...
*leans in*
PPPPPPHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOO
there you go you're welcome.
Submitted by mike on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 11:59am.
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 11:53am.
M.E- Be glad you don't. He is the main reason I had to stop watching, well that, and the bullshit that comes out of Tyra's mouth regarding modeling.
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lol - as opposed to the bullshit that comes out of her mouth, period?
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You make a point. I guess I just said modeling because that is the only show of hers I watched at one time.
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Submitted by El Bastardo on Mon, 07/04/2011 - 11:39am.
You're only bisexual if someone rams a bottle of water up your ass and you cum. FACT.