Hot Slut Of The Day!
The Walmart Receipt Jesus!
Jacob Simmons and his hotly named fiancee Gentry Lee Sutherland of Anderson County, South Carolina believe our lord and savior worked his mysterious ways all over a receipt from Walmart last month. Jacob and Gentry Lee bought some picture frames from Walmart on the holy day of Sunday June 12th and at that time their receipt was not yet blessed by the face of Jesus. But a few days later, they came home from church and Jacob saw the receipt lying on the floor with the eyes of God’s son staring back at him. Jacob and Gentry call it a miracle while most of us call them dirty ass slobs for leaving a receipt on the floor for several days.
Jacob said he didn’t know what blessed his eyes at first, but when he realized it was Jeebus his breath was taken away. (Yes, Jacob actually breathes in oxygen that somehow makes its way to his brain. Another miracle from Jesus!) Naturally, Jacob called Walmart and asked them how this happened. Did the ink run? Did the filth from their dirty ass apartment (I mean, leaving a receipt on the floor for days) gather on the paper and form the face a man with eyes that say, “Clean your pig pen shit of an apartment”? Walmart told Jacob that the only way to get the receipt really dark is to put heat on it (cut to a guilty look on the face of Gentry Lee’s dog who may or may not have farted on it).
Gentry Lee tells Wyff4 that they didn’t mess with the receipt and they believe this is a message from above, “We just feel like it’s a blessing that God showed it to us and opened our eyes. And we just feel like we should share the blessing God gave to us to everybody else.”
Target sells single-serving wine in a box, so I’ve always figured that Jeebus would be down with them, but I guess he just can’t stay away from the holy rollback savings of Walmart. To me, the face on that receipt looks more like a peen-nosed Rasputin with Taylor Momsen make-up or like Adrien Brody as Charles Manson with a black eye, but who am I to argue with a hot bitch named Gentry Lee?