Lindsay Lohan Sucks At Community Service

Believe it or not, but the California Justice System does not consider getting your freckled titty bags out in magazine photo shoots as community service, so Lindsay Lohan has yet to complete most of hers. LiLo dragged her pink Twizzler lips into court today for a probation hearing and Judge Stephanie let it be known that she was disappointed at how White Oprah’s child has only done 4 days of community service and still has 56 days to go. When LiLo got done luxuriating during house arrest, she came out and declared to everybody that she couldn’t wait to finish all of her community service. Well, LiLo is consistent in one thing: when bitch opens her mouth, you know you’re going to get lies wrapped in a coke breath tornado.

TMZ reports that Judge Stephanie threatened to revoke LiLo’s probation if she doesn’t finish all of her community service within 1 year of sentencing. Judge Stephanie also gave LiLo 21 days to sign up with a personal psychological counselor, something she was required to do but didn’t.

LiLo blamed her probation officer who she thinks is trying to destroy her. The probation officer claims LiLo doesn’t return calls and hasn’t submitted paperwork proving that she’s enrolled in community service. Judge Stephanie confirmed LiLo did both of those things, so the charbroiled crackie thinks her probation officer is out to get her.

Oh, please. Even if LiLo’s probation officer is trying to ruin her, nothing is ever going to happen to her. LiLo is a condom to the California Justice System’s Jim Bob Duggar. They hardly fuck with her. Sure, Judge Stephanie brought LiLo in to slap her on the wrist in front of everybody, but she doesn’t mean it. It’s like when a dad (played by Judge Stephanie) pulls his kid (played by LiLo) into a hallway within ear shot of her mother (played by the public) to chew her ass out before whispering “just kidding.”

I can’t believe that most of the country is suffocating under a nutsack of heat (or whatever the media is calling it) and precious court house air conditioning is wasted just so Judge Stephanie can tell LiLo that if she keeps screwing up she’s going to get sent to the time out corner for way longer than last time. A time our corner that has an open bar and a mirrored coffee table, of course.