Our GOOP And Savior
With the 10th anniversary of 9/11 coming up, we're going to hear a million "How I Missed Death On 9/11" stories, but this one is so special that it will be put into history iPads for our great grandchildren to read about when they ask the question, "How did Fishsticks Paltrow become a saint?"
Lara Lundstrom tells The Morton Report that on the morning of September 11, 2001, a real-life Sliding Doors moment co-starring future saint Fishsticks Paltrow caused her to miss her subway train by 10 seconds, which then caused her to show up late to her job at the Twin Towers. You know where this is going. I'm ICANT-ing from every part of my body, so I'll let The Morton Report take it from here:
“It was one of those mornings that felt good, you had a little skip in your step. What the heck - I always cut across 7th Avenue. Then all of the sudden a silver Mercedes SUV came barreling down towards me."I stopped and they screeched to a halt. Then it developed in to one of those classic who-goes-first situations. It got ridiculous. Then I made eye contact with the Mercedes driver. OMG it was Gwyneth Paltrow.
"I knew she lived down the street, so it made sense. She waved me across, I crossed and she continued on her way. At least if I was late for work I had a story to tell.”
She raced to the subway, hurtled down the stairs to the platform only to watch the doors of the 1/9 slam shut.
She had no idea she had just experienced her own real life Sliding Doors moment, the movie starring Paltrow about a chance romantic encounter that depended on whether or not she caught a subway train.
"At that time I was annoyed at everything that had made me late that day, including Gwyneth Paltrow," Lara recalls.
Right when Lara climbed up the stairs from the subway to the concourse of her office building, the first plane hit and she ran back down. I'm still ICANT-ing by the way...
Since that terrible day, Lara has lived with two dreams: one recurrent nightmare where she perishes in the towers, the other where she thanks Gwyneth Paltrow for saving her life. It was her true-life Sliding Doors moment, an encounter that saved her life"If I had made that train I would have been at my desk on the 77th floor of 2 World Trade center," says Lara. She has now written that letter, reminding the Oscar-winning actress of their chance meeting on the street and the dramatic impact on her life.
So this is what the Insane Clown Posse was talking about. It truly is a miracle. If Rosemary never switched her baby with Blythe Danner's in the nursery, Fishy never would've been raised with a silver spoon up her ass and then she never would've been rich enough to drive a silver Mercedes SUV through Manhattan and then she never would've saved Lara's life.
The story doesn't mention it, but there's a good reason for why Fishy was driving herself like a common peon that day. Fishy was forced to fire her chauffeur after he had the nerve to show up wearing polyester pants from Penney's when he knew very well that she's allergic to the sight and scent of them. So if you want to get technical, the sainthood should really go to polyester (or Rosemary), but we'll let that one slide.
Fishy's publicist says that she's "deeply moved" by the story. He means that figuratively, of course, since Fishy can't physically move at the moment since this story put another 50 hundred tons on her ego.
GOOP: Never forget.
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so sticks drives a mercedes SUV - gas guzzler - thanks for the war Paltrow. Ick
CUPCAKE!
Yeah. It was crazy. One of my cousins called my aunt bawling because last she'd heard her dad was going to take his usual Boston-LA-NYC-Boston trip. He had had made the trip every year for 20-something years. 2001 was the first time they changed up their itinerary. I'm not really religious, but I do believe when it's your time, it's your time. It just wasn't his day. Or his friend's.
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If love had a dick I would eff with it. But it doesn't (it has a no crotch like Barbie).
Submitted by kikichanelconspiracy on Thu, 08/18/2011 - 7:20pm.
HI KIKI!
That story about your uncle is just another WOW! Glad he is ok and still with us!
Submitted by crazyinjapan on Thu, 08/18/2011 - 12:25pm.
Gwyneth Paltrow: saving the world by being annoying.
I wonder what Dlisters would say if she dropped dead today. Would they be contrite and respectful? Would they regret the awful things they wrote?
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I'd kick off with a few jokes about the casket decor (De Gournay Hand Painted wall paper--but only on one panel because it's such an indulgence; and Darren Almond's photos that bring such a sense of majesty); then move onto the modifications required for the woodfired pizza oven to be adapted into a bespoke crematorium. :)
Jesus Hekki. Wow. I am so sorry you had to see that, but I'm glad you survived.
My uncle was supposed to be on Flight 11, rearranged his business trip from Boston-LA-NYC-Boston to Boston-NYC-LA-Boston. He then had the incredible misfortune (fortunate in the end I guess) to be meeting his coworker in the World Trade Center. They were supposed to meet at Windows of the World, but my uncle's colleague/friend (who also convinced him to change their flights to LA, btw) called him that morning and suggested they just meet in the lobby of the World Trade Center since my uncle was caught in traffic. He saw the plane hit the first tower. He saw people of fire and he saw people jumping out of the World Trade Center. That Thanksgiving he tried to give his usual speech. Instead he broke down crying. It was awful.
I also knew one of the passengers on Flight 11 who did not reschedule her flight. I didn't know her super well or anything, I knew her from my small hometown and then weirdly enough because I had to babysit her when she was a witness in a criminal trial (that's a whole other) story. She was going to LA to see her son's band. Her name was Berry Berenson and she was cool lady. I try not to think about her final moments, but I've never been able to successfully stop myself from speculating.
So long story short: GP doesn't get to me like she gets to most Dlisters, but this half-assed story of near-miss is a main dish of STFU smothered in weak sauce.
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If love had a dick I would eff with it. But it doesn't (it has a no crotch like Barbie).
ME HEKKI AND DEB!! HELLO... long time no see.. glad you are still around...
xox patty cake
xoxox
The war isn't working.
I live in Baltimore and it's a favorite pastime here. People just walk RIGHT into the road, half the time they don't even look to see if a car's coming. Wtf?
"Submitted by Deb on Thu, 08/18/2011 - 12:58pm.
Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 08/18/2011 - 12:53pm.
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I hear ya, M.E. Ten years ago, I would drive to my job in the Near West in Chicago from Oak Park down Lake Street, (under the EL tracks). It was like a goddamn video game. On the West Side, people (even with their babies in strollers) walk right in front of cars, anywhere BUT at the intersection, seemingly DARING you to hit them so they could sue."
oh great goop has yet another sycophant..joy joy.. ugh im dreading the 9/11 stories... gag
xoxox
The war isn't working.
I can see Gwyneth reading this story and going "sounds about right."
I'm sure this story is already in her scrapbook.
She's not the only one. Gwyneth's recipes cured my stage 4 cancer and made my paraplegic brother walk again. And that was AFTER she cured my grandma's Alzheimers with her performance on Glee.
As for 9/11, my father was supposed to move to one of the top floors of Tower 2 in summer 2001, but the lease fell through and he stayed in his office in Midtown instead.
*shudder*
Oh how conveeeeenient...she has a "Goopy saved my ass" story right when Gwyneth has become relevant again as a national annoyance. And isn't it funny that she even had her own "Sliding Doors" moment thanks to the Goop!
Sounds like fan fiction to me. Gwynnie was probably in Europe at the time but she ain't saying shit.
lord, this is all goop needs for her overblown pretentious fugly ass...thanks a-lot crazy bitch no. 2 for making this crazy bitch even more egotistical than already is....btw, I blame 9/11 on goopy so there!!!
well lara ain't right in the head and that is evident. not only is she trying to thank fishsticks, but she can't seem to get her story straight: was she having a good morning and OK with being late because she had a story to tell...OR was she annoyed with everything that made her late? she completely contradicts her emotional state within three quotes proving her instability. and i rest.
Submitted by KCjersey on Thu, 08/18/2011 - 3:15pm.
Goopy doesn't like people mourning too long like us Americans. Read what she said on this (and other pearls of wisdom) from That Bitch.
http://www.prettyandstupid.com/idiot/11
It is the 14th quote down.
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...lol...Hey M.E. these witless gems should unclutter your mind after all that complicated hypothesizing...
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...'we want money' - Doug and Courtney Hutchison's hacker...
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Thu, 08/18/2011 - 3:12pm.
Yes, and she'll say was speeding because she was running late to serve organic paella to needy orphans in the poor part of town. Perhaps with Beyonce. This ho makes Kanye West look modest.
Gwyneth is from a very well connected family. Her god father is Steven Speilberg. She got all the unfair breaks early in life. That is why she is now so successful. Yes, she has some talent. But it is largely through shear luck and because she was born into the upper 2% of the population. The stupid ass Tea Bagger Republicans will die to protect the 2% from more taxes (dumb bastards have no money of their own to protect). Soon Gwyneth will start to shrivel up. Just like a week old flower.
please bitch
Submitted by oceanlover998 on Thu, 08/18/2011 - 1:59pm.
I don't believe a word of this...
...and with all due respect to the people that actually perished on that horrible day, I have some serious doubts about the 'official' 911 story as well...
http://letsrollforums.com/mystery-passengers-planes-911-t20439.html?s=0a...
http://letsrollforums.com/did-wtc-have-fake-t22828.html
...don't know what to believe, but I sure don't buy the findings of the 'Omission Commission'...
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That made my brain hurt.
Goopy doesn't like people mourning too long like us Americans. Read what she said on this (and other pearls of wisdom) from That Bitch.
http://www.prettyandstupid.com/idiot/11
It is the 14th quote down.
Submitted by hotpocket on Thu, 08/18/2011 - 3:08pm.
I’ve misjudged Goopy. I would’ve thought she’d run over a working class peasant crossing the road. But she probably didn’t want to mess up her paint job.
hahaha. You know what this story means, right? Someone is bound to ask Goops to comment on it.
I’ve misjudged Goopy. I would’ve thought she’d run over a working class peasant crossing the road. But she probably didn’t want to mess up her paint job.
Wait, she was speeding by the scene of the crime? There are still a lot of theories about what happened that day, maybe the attackers had help. Paltrow. Behold the frozen face of evil.
More probably she was late because she left the house later than usual. How does a jay-walking moment add up Goopy saving her life.
MK is right - by this time next month we will be drowning in tenth anniversary 9/11 stories (I want the conspiracy theory, inside job stories to explain what actually occurred and why building #7 was ready to be detonated before the event).
It's been 10 years and I still can't wrap my mind around what happened on that fateful day. I remember a colleague coming in late for work, bringing the news... The expression on her face...
It was probably some other annoying, rich, blonde bitch in a Benz--and on 9/10.
I don't believe a word of this...
...and with all due respect to the people that actually perished on that horrible day, I have some serious doubts about the 'official' 911 story as well...
http://letsrollforums.com/mystery-passengers-planes-911-t20439.html?s=0a...
http://letsrollforums.com/did-wtc-have-fake-t22828.html
...don't know what to believe, but I sure don't buy the findings of the 'Omission Commission'...
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...'we want money' - Doug and Courtney Hutchison's hacker...
Shocking ... when the hell did Gwyneth live in NY? I thought she was hanging in London and CA.
And if she was barreling for me ... there would've been a bigger confrontation than a little eye contact. I would've missed that subway b/c I was bitchin' out Goop. *** But I guess her stupidity did save someone else's life.
And it was horrific. My husband was down there ... came home covered in soot. He still cant talk about it. Sad.
Ooh, ooh! I posted this link in the "Goopy doesn't like Botox" thread. The article makes it sound like Fishy lifted a car off someone. FUCK!
~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~
Submitted by Hekki on Thu, 08/18/2011 - 1:00pm
Glad you are okay <3 <3
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You really have to side clap and pucker for a piece who can stand next to a white feather and out-gay it. - MK 8/3/2011
God does this Manhattan woman sound like the woman in that train video who was arguing with the train operator who was angry she was screaming into her cell phone, the "Do you know how educated I am?! Oh, I touched you!". NYC has the most self important pretentious 20 something aged bitches. Hope this Goopy neighbor gets maced in the face by a tranny next subway trip or gets spaghetti dumped over her. And put it on YouTube.
Aww, not to make it about ME - just that sucky's photo made me remember that part! Now I understand how people don't see things that will hurt them. It's some fucked up thing the brain does.
My experience was nothing compared to what many people went through. I had some mild PTSD shit for a little while after, but it was temporary.
Hekki - I'm so sorry for what you went through. I couldn't imagine being in the middle of all that chaos.
((((((((((((hugs from SDR))))))))))))))
Um. Hmm. Not sure I buy this story (considering how often trains come at that time in the morning) but since I wasn't living here at that time I won't completely call BS.
Too far, Sucky. And you know I lurve you.
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You really have to side clap and pucker for a piece who can stand next to a white feather and out-gay it. - MK 8/3/2011
I bet Lara's fat.
Someone I know was driving a couple of bigwigs to a meeting in the towers on 9/11. The bigwig was having a headache so he sent my friend back to the car for aspirin...right before the planes hit. my friend made it home that night...the bigwigs didn't.
sorry for your experience, Hekki...I didn't live in NYC at the time, I was in Boston. I remember having a panic attack because I couldn't get through to my parents...my girlfriend called and told us all to congregate at her house. I was driving from out of the city into it. it was so surreal, because my side of the highway was empty, and the other side of the highway, going from the city out, was at a dead standstill and bumper to bumper for miles and miles. in fact, the entire way to her house was like that, even the side streets. people in Boston stopped honking their horns in traffic for a long time after that.
Hekki
I can only imagine being down there when it happened. I can see that anyone down there came out of it with PTSD - it must have been a most horrific day XXX
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Dark-sided!
This is hysterical. Literally hysterical emotion, not funny. She just wants attention. She would not have been sitting at her desk because at that time of the morning those trains are running every 2 minutes. And it would take her longer to walk to the towers from the subway than that. At worst, she would have been in the plaza area. From the subway exit to the building entrance, through the lobby, waiting for an elevator stopping on a variety of floors before hers it a 10-15 minute trip. She's exaggerating for attention.
You know this story is bullshit when she said Goop "waved her across" first. Like that snob would ever allow anyone go anywhere before her.
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Dark-sided!
Hekki - ♥ I'm glad you are ok.
I bet Goopy is rolling her eyes at this bitch like we are. She has to say deeply moved or she'll seem callous and cold and lord knows we can't have that.
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"Bitch, your pancakes look fine to me."
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-
Hekki....oh wow.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
As horrific as this sounds, I imagine the jumpers were the lucky ones, (compared to the poor people in the jets, the people who were incinerated or died of smoke inhalation, or the people who died in the actual collapses of the Towers).
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Hekki, your story is my point. This dumb cunt is getting a massive ego wank over a NOTHING story, when there are so many people with REAL experience of 9/11.
I truly hope that day does not haunt you.
Wow Hekki. I'm glad you didn't see that. ((((HUGS))))
I can't wait for next February's "What Black History Month means for ME" speech from Goopy.
The only way Chris can stand her is with tons of drugs.
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What kind of fuckery is this?
Submitted by Hekki on Thu, 08/18/2011 - 1:00pm.
Aw, Jesus, sucky.
I was there (worked at Deutsche Bank and little pieces of glass no bigger than sugar granules rained down on my head when the first plane hit) and I never saw any jumpers, even though people were gasping and pointing. I couldn't see them.
I think my brain was in horror overload mode and refused to let my eyes register. I stood there for a good five minutes, trying to see what everyone else was seeing (ghoulish, I know). Guess I'm glad I didn't.
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Wow Hekki, I had no idea.
Speechless.
Raul-
All (in)Hail the Goopy! :D
*chanting as always*
Omg Dirtay.
*grabs brown paper bag* *deep brefs*
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Hekki I'm sure your brain filtered a lot of it. I can't imagine any of it.
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"Bitch, your pancakes look fine to me."
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-
Submitted by sinjin on Thu, 08/18/2011 - 12:56pm.
Ahahaha!! Get outta my head! Seriously, we are having an "on the same page" day. I mean, look at those raggedy ass ends!!