Jim Carrey Really Wants To Do Emma Stone
If you've ever wanted to gaze deep into Jim Carrey's 49-year-old pores while he spills the crazy out in an open ode to his love for 22-year-old Emma Stone, this is the shit for you. Jim lets all of us know what thinks of when he jerks off by saying that if he was 20 years younger he'd make a bunch of fat freckled babies with Emma Stone. Then Jim says that he wishes Emma joy, and happiness, and above all this he wishes her laaaaaaaaauuuuuuuv. This video has since been recorded onto a VHS tape, stuffed into a manila envelope and passed to Kevin Costner who has been hired to protect Emma since Jim is obviously thisclose to moving into one of her front bushes. No. Jim is just telling jokes (I think). Here's the transcript which is best read with the karaoke version of THIS.
I just wanted to let you know that I think you're all the way beautiful. Not just pretty, but, you know, smart and kindhearted. And if I were a lot younger, I would marry you, and we would have chubby little freckled faced kids. We'd laugh all day long and go camping and play Yahtzee and tell ghost stories by the fire. And the sex?Everyday for the rest of your life, you would thank God that I was the appropriate age for you. But I'm not. I'm 49. I have lines on my face, sometimes a little grey in my beard, and it takes me a little longer to pee than it used to. Those are the only discernible signs of aging that I can find so far. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know how I felt. You're pretty special, and I wish you continued success and artistic fulfillment, but most of all, I wish you love and contentment. That's all.
We'll also say that Jim is telling jokes when he starts Tweeting about what Emma's toilet paper smells like while he's hiding out inside of her front yard trash can. Emma, the WTF is in your court.
But seriously, what the hell kind of poppers did those penguins give Jim?!
Source: Jim Carrey via HuffPo
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@grapesoder Hey Jim Carrey was with Jenny McCarthy not Jenna Jameson.Get your facts straight.
He wooed Renee Zellweger until he finally convinced her that he loved her, too. Just like that, it was over. (On the other hand, same thing happened to her with Kenny Chesney ...)
Do you have to spell out f*ck? There has got to be a nicer word to use. How about "have sex".
Submitted by Chola_ on Thu, 08/25/2011 - 11:55am.
Some of you guys need to calm the eff down. Emma Stone is 23, whats 1000000xs creepier is this Courtney whateverthefuckherlastnameis being SIXTEEN and marrying a 51 yr old.
Yeah, the 16 year old/51 year old deal IS much sicker than this--but that doesn't make THIS any less creepy. Jim Carrey's daughter is only two years older than this chick, FFS. There's plenty of disgust to go around.
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"Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."
--"The Little Prince", Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
I'd almost say Jim Carrey and his likely-diseased peen from Jenna Jameson's surely-diseased snatch is an improvement over that nasty Kulkin sibling she was dating. I don't understand how that guy could be attractive to anyone. Someone explain the attraction to me--seriously. He's like a greasy version of Nicholas Cage's son, only without the constant aggressive, angry breakup/makeup sex.
Jim is the shit. but I can't believe no one has mentioned the movie Emma and him are cast in together. This is publicity.... and it will work huge.
I did just see "I Love You Phillip Morris' which was awesome
um she is way too old for this to be sexy love.
Jim has actually had a pretty good career, appearing in some of the best "character" parts I've seen. "Man in the Moon" was eerie to watch, he totally imbodied Andy Kaufman. He's made some dumb movies, but several that I love. "Spotless Mind" for one!!!
Jim portrayed Andy Kaufman in the film Man on the Moon....and he obviously learned a few tricks professionally from Kaufman too (and executes them well, as evidenced by how many people are buying this video declaration of love as real).
Well done, Jim!
He needs to get back on meds
CREEEPER.. countdown til Jack posts one too... 5.... 4... 3....
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"Bitch, your pancakes look fine to me."
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-
Some of you guys need to calm the eff down. Emma Stone is 23, whats 1000000xs creepier is this Courtney whateverthefuckherlastnameis being SIXTEEN and marrying a 51 yr old.
Emma Stone is old enough to drink, party, and fuck whomever she wants and so is Jim. I'm 25 and raising a toddler, her being a grown adult fucking another grown adult isn't disgusting unless he's eligible for Medicare (ie Hugh Hefner). It's not on some serious pedo shit.
And btw Jim was fucking hilarious in I Love Phillip Morris, he's the only comedian I know of that can be weird and awkward but fucking funny at the same time.
*creepy old man alert* never thought i'd have to sound that alarm for you Jim! (or did I?)
"I make myself sick, get on my own nerves. Immature, insecure grown up nerd."
-Fatlip (The Pharcyde)
Better this than approaching her in real life and him feeling like a perv. If I were her tho, I'd be flattered but I'm 48.
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Visit my husband's webcomic DUNGEON HORDES at http://www.drunkduck.com/dungeon_hordes
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Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 08/25/2011 - 8:00am.
I hate to tell you ladies this but there is hardly a 40 something guy out there that doesn't want to bang a 20 something girl. Call it creepy or whatever you want but that's a fact!
Just because you get older doesn't make a 2o something girl less appealing.
I'm not saying 49 year old guys SHOULD be fucking 24 year old....but you the hell WANT to.
Just being honest!
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ITA.
Wow, a lot of effort from JC for a very average looking chick.
Dear Emma; I'm slightly younger than Jim, and I've had a crush on you since seeing you in Zombieland.
Right now I can see you're saying Eeewwwwwwww to JC's message.
Jim look like crap for 49. He has enrolled in the Brad Pitt school of accelerated aging.
Submitted by Mrs Patrick Campbell on Thu, 08/25/2011 - 8:59am.
Your one trick routine? It needs to die in a fire.
Eh, he did a stunt at the 1999 MTV Movie Awards dressed like a hippie. He is always pushing the envelope!
Unusual. More troubling is that I slightly feel like the dude is prepping to off himself or something. Just something in his calmness and his 'thinking' moments as he speaks. Hope not; I like the guy. smh, jeez.
But, lmao at picturing "Jim is obviously thisclose to moving into one of her front bushes"
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"You dumb bitch, I am home." -MK to Brooke's crybaby 'daddy-puts-the-lotion' ass
Yeah, I think it's a joke, too.
But again, I think there's something behind it, like he really did make a pass at her and she declined and now he's trying to embarass her or something.
Something positive about Jim Carey; The Cable Guy is the funniest movie ever.
I doubt it's a joke or performance art. He really is crazy now. And he always shows up at those Teen Choice Awards...
Since I've Been Loving You
Jim Carrey's not famous enough anymore to pull stunts like this. Had he made a tape like this at the height of his fame, everyone would be screaming laughing. Instead, it came off creepy.
We hate fish!
*shivers*
+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+
"If when you die you get a choice between pie heaven and regular heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick but if not mmmboy!"
Gawd, lighten up people - this is obviously a joke. (Unless you were maybe fooled by the realistic "chin quiver" at the end).
Yeesh!...
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YOU AIN'T GOT NO MONEY!!!! MOVE THE FUCK ON!
~But.Seriously.Folks
Yes, they are :/
'We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.'
He DID hook up with Renee Z - after shooting Me,Myself and Irene.
Submitted by anonymouscrazyc... on Thu, 08/25/2011 - 7:40am.
I've always wondered what happened between Jim and the Redhead from Dumb and Dumber. I know their marriage lasted long enough for the ink to dry and that's about it.
Maybe Jim should hook back up with Renee Z? His loose face and her tight one might produce halfway normal looking kids.
He DID hook up with Renee Z - after shooting Me,Myself and Irene.
Submitted by anonymouscrazyc... on Thu, 08/25/2011 - 7:40am.
I've always wondered what happened between Jim and the Redhead from Dumb and Dumber. I know their marriage lasted long enough for the ink to dry and that's about it.
Maybe Jim should hook back up with Renee Z? His loose face and her tight one might produce halfway normal looking kids.
Men are whores.
*stands up*
Hi, my name is Jack.
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"I have no snacks for you, only death." ~ annobanano, 08/03/2011
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 08/25/2011 - 8:00am.
I hate to tell you ladies this but there is hardly a 40 something guy out there that doesn't want to bang a 20 something girl. Call it creepy or whatever you want but that's a fact!
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My cousin is dating a woman 20 years younger than him and they seem pretty happy. The difference is he didn't proposition her over the Internet with details of his slow-peeing prostate. THAT's what makes it creepy and the age difference makes it more creepy because he keeps bringing it up.
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
Irishfury is right. every once in a while I look at 24 y.o. boys and think, sadly, "you are not for me anymore". i wouldn't want to marry them, but they can be pretty to look at.
poor bastard carrey is totally off his meds.
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 08/25/2011 - 8:00am.
I hate to tell you ladies this but there is hardly a 40 something guy out there that doesn't want to bang a 20 something girl. Call it creepy or whatever you want but that's a fact!
Just because you get older doesn't make a 2o something girl less appealing.
I'm not saying 49 year old guys SHOULD be fucking 24 year old....but you the hell WANT to.
Just being honest!
************************************
You could have just said "men are whores" and saved yourself a minute or two :)
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Dark-sided!
I hate to tell you ladies this but there is hardly a 40 something guy out there that doesn't want to bang a 20 something girl. Call it creepy or whatever you want but that's a fact!
Just because you get older doesn't make a 2o something girl less appealing.
I'm not saying 49 year old guys SHOULD be fucking 24 year old....but you the hell WANT to.
Just being honest!
I've always wondered what happened between Jim and the Redhead from Dumb and Dumber. I know their marriage lasted long enough for the ink to dry and that's about it.
Maybe Jim should hook back up with Renee Z? His loose face and her tight one might produce halfway normal looking kids.
Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the gun.
-Ash
"Everyday for the rest of your life, you would thank God that I was the appropriate age for you. But I'm not. I'm 49."
Kudos to him for frigging recognizing that.
Sarah Smile
"The strangest in this video is Jim mentionining that now it takes him longer to pee. This is maybe drug related… it has nothing to do with age."
You are incorrect about this. It has a lot to do with age.
www.petfinder.com - enter your zip code to find adoptable pets in your area.
www.animalrescuesite.com - click everyday to help feed animals in shelters.
Am I the only one who doesn't want to imagine his sex faces?
Submitted by Rem Koolhaas on Thu, 08/25/2011 - 1:48am.
Jim Carrey always gave me the vibe that he could actually suck his own cock standing up. Now after watching his Emma Stone video, I am sure of it.
HA HAH HA HA
i ♥ it
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
i didn't even have to click play to see jim is clearly off his meds...
someone should call fire marshall bill to help this situation...
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
want some candy little girl?
how 'bout petting my puppy?
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
Submitted by hotpocket: "That was really scary. He probably? meant it as a joke, but this made me a little nauseous. You can tell he has mental health issues. Like a lot of comedians, unfortunately. Behind every funny person is a lot of pain. Sad for him. And he really needs some chapstick.
ITA CeeCee, I wonder if she rejected him and this was what he did to retaliate. I had a comedian (bi-polar) guy who left me numerous messages making fun of my new boyfriend at the time, after I wouldn't date him, in the same twisted "funny" way. It wasn't funny."
That's the vibe I'm getting.
I'd also like to see him do some dramatic acting. I think he has reservoirs of sadness that could be interesting if directed properly. This little monologue made me more sad than anything.
He is like the creepy guy who lives on your street, that everyone avoids.
... and thank god for the registry.
*peddles off in a mint '88 yugo*
He is like the creepy guy who lives on your street, that everyone avoids.
Hmm…. nothing "creepy" for me here, I don't expect an artist to behave like a post office employee.
But I sense a Joaquin Phoenix around the corner. What is really going on here? Is this a pretext to let us know that he is only 49? Is there a Jim-Carrey-Emma-Stone-film in the making? Jim is a good actor, he is probably putting everybody on.
The strangest in this video is Jim mentionining that now it takes him longer to pee. This is maybe drug related… it has nothing to do with age.
Anyway, an information for people at large: it's pretty normal that a man's beard begins to gray long before the hair on his head.
whatta complete loser.
to anyone thinking he's just being funny has got another think coming because there ain't a drop of humor in that brain seepage.
i always wondered how his face was going to hold up (with all the contortions he's put his mug through) and now we see the cumulative damage.
put this loser on a bus with linda hamilton and send it to the funny farm that the quaids should also be on.
*peddles off in a mint '88 yugo*
Somone's having a midlife crisis....
"When I'm good I'm very good but when I'm bad I'm better." ~Mae West