Spaz de la Huerta's Crotch Gives The Performance Of Its Life!

It's a little known fact that the kitchen grease orchid Spaz de la Huerta is a master at crotch acting and teaches a class at Juilliard to aspiring crotch thespians who want to learn how to deliver a raw emotion performance from the top of their pussy bones to the tip of their taints.

Spaz can transform her crotch into a mysterious character with a merkin the same way Meryl Streep can transform her voice with an accent. Spaz can smile with her crotch (smotching) the same way Ty Ty Banks tries to smile with her eyes. Spaz's chocha can queef out Atticus' court monologue from To Kill A Mockingbird with such subtle force that it makes Angel Gregory Peck cry a single tear. True story: Spaz's crotch turned down the lead role in The Wrestler. Mickey Rourke can thank Spaz's crotch by sending it a basket of clitty balm.

So because of all of this, Agent Provocateur knew that there was only one crotch for their new ad campaign. Just watch the video above and hold your breath (and your applause) as you see her Laurence Olivicrotch switch from emotion to emotion. Paz's pussy is theater!

via ONTD

Posted by: Michael K

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Elegance Has A Name • Paz de la Huerta

Submitted by MizRo on Mon, 09/05/2011 - 6:47am.

I find her pretty in some weird part of my psyche BUT her body definitely rocks. Now none of that equals elegance and grace, mind you.

Submitted by Neurotic on Fri, 09/02/2011 - 1:39pm.

Yeaaah!

People spending too long trying to decide whether or not she has a case of the tiny eyes might (I mean MIGHT) not really have been in bed with another human lately.

That means someone (MAYBE, like you) who has imperfections.

Yet, the overall appeal is so much, because the proportions and everything is more than right :)

Spaz is completely stupid, but fun and pretty at certain angles and light. She's the perfect model for anything scantily clad.

Submitted by REDMOND on Fri, 09/02/2011 - 12:46pm.

And PS. my Dlisted friends, if you have never read the New York Mag's interview with Spaz I highly suggest you google it!!!! Never read an interview like it!!!!!

Submitted by REDMOND on Fri, 09/02/2011 - 12:45pm.

Submitted by DDT on Fri, 09/02/2011 - 1:08pm.
Submitted by REDMOND on Fri, 09/02/2011 - 10:10am.
I do think Spaz is pretty gross, sloppy, and definitly crazy, but at least they didn't hire someone like Lohan. Spaz at has some indie cred and genuinely doesn't give a fuck, where Lindsay wishes she was someone like her rather than a spoiled, entitled, hipster wannabe.
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That's pretty much how I feel, barring the gross part. I (gulp) think she looks great in these ads. Skanky, yes, but sexy and attractive, and she has a GREAT body for modeling. Tall and lean, with the perfect amount of curves for someone of her body type.

However, I have to believe that the term "lady" was meant ironically. PdlH is a SKANK, definitely not a lady. (And I agree with those who theorize that she was abused. Most attention-whores are/were, IMO.) But at least she is a skank with style and panache.

In other words, she is a crazy ho, but she 'owns' her eccentricities a way that sets her apart from other crazy hos like LiLo. If that makes any sense. :-)

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Agreed!!!!

Submitted by clairey claire on Fri, 09/02/2011 - 12:35pm.

Well. I suddenly want to bang that bitch 30 ways till sundown. She looks smoking hot- maybe coz you can't see her face too good.

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"It's always funny until somebody gets hurt-then it's fucking hilarious": The late great Bill Hicks

Submitted by Condi the ingro... on Fri, 09/02/2011 - 12:08pm.

Wow. They can't even make her look clean for a fashion photoshoot. But I guess that's the point, isn't it? "You too can look like a greasy skank - just buy our underwear!" I'll bet Don Draper would approve of this ad campaign.

Submitted by DDT on Fri, 09/02/2011 - 11:38am.

Submitted by REDMOND on Fri, 09/02/2011 - 10:10am.
I do think Spaz is pretty gross, sloppy, and definitly crazy, but at least they didn't hire someone like Lohan. Spaz at has some indie cred and genuinely doesn't give a fuck, where Lindsay wishes she was someone like her rather than a spoiled, entitled, hipster wannabe.
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That's pretty much how I feel, barring the gross part. I (gulp) think she looks great in these ads. Skanky, yes, but sexy and attractive, and she has a GREAT body for modeling. Tall and lean, with the perfect amount of curves for someone of her body type.

In other words, she is a crazy ho, but she 'owns' her eccentricities a way that sets her apart from other crazy hos like LiLo. If that makes any sense. :-)
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WORDS MEAN NOTHING, fashion speaks volumes. -MK

Submitted by Dannii on Fri, 09/02/2011 - 11:07am.

i always thought Agent Provocateur's "lingerie" looked tacky and cheap, so its apt that their ads look that way too (which is funny considering how much they charge for their crappy underwear-$200 for fucking ugly knickers? puh-lease!)

Submitted by contrario on Fri, 09/02/2011 - 10:51am.

Considering that she is acting in those ads, she is quite good at it.

Submitted by d-nice on Fri, 09/02/2011 - 9:31am.

never liked her b4 but i felt something tingly when i watched these.
greazy, dirty, now i like her MORE!

b4 she was just a wanna-be, but she has stepped up her game.

Submitted by REDMOND on Fri, 09/02/2011 - 8:40am.

I do think Spaz is pretty gross, sloppy, and definitly crazy, but at least they didn't hire someone like Lohan. Spaz at has some indie cred and genuinely doesn't give a fuck, where Lindsay wishes she was someone like her rather than a spoiled, entitled, hipster wannabe.

Submitted by Pootie on Fri, 09/02/2011 - 7:47am.

It feels so wrong, can someone please tell me why I love her?? Love me some Spaz!!!

POOOHTEEEE!

Submitted by BuBBLeGuMpiiNk on Fri, 09/02/2011 - 7:35am.

Spaz should be doing ad's for those cheap Bic disposable razors...seriously please shave homegirl. Looking at a hairy bush is super unattractive.

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"I love these steamy mornings that allow you to erotically roll out of bed in nothing but your cheeky string bikini. Mmm, how electrifying!"-The ever so elegant Courtney Stoddard

Submitted by sillykat on Fri, 09/02/2011 - 7:28am.

love her

Submitted by caprica six on Fri, 09/02/2011 - 6:38am.

Submitted by TheBrazilliant on Fri, 09/02/2011 - 7:28am.

Submitted by Vern on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 9:22pm.
Man, y'all need to get laid. It's just funny.
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Finally a comment I can relate to. People take their opinions way seriously here, much more seriously than Ms. de la Huerta will ever take herself. She's beautiful and wasted at the same time, and knows it. Homegirl for the win.
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Team Spaz, as always. Have always had a girl-lush-crush on that disconnected sexpot trainwreck.

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Sinead's rockin' slore-queen checklist:
I don't care if he is from the planet Zog.
Stubble is a non-negotiable must.
Must be very 'snuggly'. Not just wham-bam.
Must be wham-bam.

Submitted by the original be... on Fri, 09/02/2011 - 6:23am.

Ummm...okay. But that's not purple. (Burgundy, at best...)

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You made your bed; now you have to fuck me in it!

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 09/02/2011 - 6:13am.

Submitted by Cara on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 5:58pm.
So when bending to retrieve a fallen item, it's best to unveil your crotch and then spread your legs while thrusting the pelvis forward for maximum exposure.
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correct.
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"I have no snacks for you, only death." ~ annobanano, 08/03/2011

Submitted by TheBrazilliant on Fri, 09/02/2011 - 5:58am.

Submitted by Vern on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 9:22pm.
Man, y'all need to get laid. It's just funny.

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Submitted by Helena on Fri, 09/02/2011 - 5:47am.

As a photographer, I just have to say that I hate the direct flash trend in fashion photography! It leaves the subject looking flat and washed out (as if Spaz needed assistance in that department) and creates harsh shadows. And her hair is fucking blinding me in this video! This straight legit hurt my eyes to look at!

I admire Johan Renck's work—particularly his Madonna music videos!—but I am not a fan of this ad campaign. I'm thinking the shots above are screen caps, as opposed to stills, but I'm not sure. If they're stills, fuckers should've bounced flash. If they're screen caps, christ, turn the lights down a bit; you're blowing out your subject, making her look even more fug than she normally looks.

Maybe—probably—I am just jealous, but I can't help but feel perplexed that this is what companies pay big bucks for.

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Devil's advocate.

Submitted by becky n sydney on Fri, 09/02/2011 - 5:13am.

Submitted by Goldigga on Fri, 09/02/2011 - 6:28am.
The last time I visited Adelaide was to attend a wedding, and it was 110 degrees. The bride was an English girl unused to such furnace-like heat - she nearly passed out walking down the aisle.LOL
The weather's been quite balmy over the last week or so, but we've had a cold change today so I'll be donning the woolly jammies tonight. :)

Submitted by Goldigga on Fri, 09/02/2011 - 4:58am.

Submitted by becky n sydney on Fri, 09/02/2011 - 6:22am.
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Boring lol. Starting to warm up finally! I can't stand the cold :( How's Sydney? I've never really visited, just passed through

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"He is the ultimate cunt. He is like the samurai of cuntiness, where he slices you so razor thin you don't even realize till you see the blood" - misslainey on Kunty Karl

Submitted by Stock Broker on Fri, 09/02/2011 - 4:53am.

I don't know of any women that squat & spread to pick up anything...unless a pole is involved.

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"Going to Burger King to eat healthy is like going to a prostitute for a hug." Dlister Supah 8.20.11

Submitted by becky n sydney on Fri, 09/02/2011 - 4:52am.

Submitted by Goldigga on Fri, 09/02/2011 - 6:15am.
She's such a modest flower. LOL

How's sunny Adelaide?

Submitted by Goldigga on Fri, 09/02/2011 - 4:45am.

Submitted by becky n sydney on Fri, 09/02/2011 - 5:56am.
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Hi! I'm great thanks! Woah, she has a gorgeous body, but the ol' "map of Tassie" looks more like Russia! lol :)

Submitted by becky n sydney on Fri, 09/02/2011 - 4:26am.

Submitted by Goldigga on Fri, 09/02/2011 - 2:04am.
Submitted by becky n sydney on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 5:50pm.
A tip-o'-the-merkin to you, Spaz!
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LOL! I've yet to see this famed muff of hers. Is it really that bushy? I'm picturing BorgQueen's old Demi avie lol
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Hey Goldigga!! We haven't crossed paths in a while - I trust you're keeping well. :)
I found these nudie pix of Spaz - I'm sure I've seen ones that feature a more luxuriant bush (more of a hedge, really), but I can't track them down at present.
*NSFW*
http://hotactressnsfw.wordpress.com/2011/01/28/paz-de-la-huerta-nude/

Submitted by You_Complete_Me. on Fri, 09/02/2011 - 4:08am.

She has a nice body, but wtf is her problem?

(Aside from the raging alcoholism, I mean.)

<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>
"okayyy lets not make a goddess out of Maria Shiver now. It's from her bitch face that she is a cunt." - cuntwhore (2011-08-08)

Submitted by letinstar on Fri, 09/02/2011 - 4:00am.

if this ad isn't nominated for an oscar, i don't know what i'll do...
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr

Submitted by kissingassandcu... on Fri, 09/02/2011 - 12:46am.

I love how at the end it says "written" by So and So at the end. Really? You WROTE that bitch? The only thing missing were the "words" and or "dialogue of any kind" I get the directing credit but give us all a break giving yourself a writing credit asshole.

Kissing Ass and Cupping Balls. You're Welcome.

Submitted by Goldigga on Fri, 09/02/2011 - 12:34am.

Submitted by becky n sydney on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 5:50pm.
A tip-o'-the-merkin to you, Spaz!
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LOL! I've yet to see this famed muff of hers. Is it really that bushy? I'm picturing BorgQueen's old Demi avie lol

Submitted by MickeyHolland on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 10:05pm.

Submitted by BitchHouse on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 11:25pm.

LOL. Prepare yourself to be relentlessly stalked by Jack from now on.

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Who are you calling silly cow?

Submitted by kiwikim on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 10:04pm.

btw, she's fat. She's got a FUPA. And beady eyes. She doesn't wear these clothes well. Hasn't Agent heard...even though the world is increasingly obese, we don't want to see obese models. We expect those bitches to starve for the obscene amount of money they make.

Submitted by kiwikim on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 10:01pm.

I loved the Agent ads with Kylie. Their ads have always been pretty good-in the sexy cute way. It's a fine line though between sexy to slut and they've crossed it. She looks like she's thinking about taking a crap when she bends down to get her purse in the gold dress.
MK always goes on about this chic, but who is she? She's gross.

Submitted by BitchHouse on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 9:55pm.

Submitted by MickeyHolland on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 10:46pm.

I'll pass on looking like a skank ho, thank you very much. One wonders what customer group they were targeting here.
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me.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Eazy E's own prescription for "nourishing the inner aspect", Nutz On Ya Chin.

Submitted by WhiskeyRiverGirl on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 9:53pm.

Add this to the list of companies I will not buy from.

Submitted by MickeyHolland on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 9:16pm.

I'll pass on looking like a skank ho, thank you very much. One wonders what customer group they were targeting here.

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Who are you calling silly cow?

Submitted by Wanted on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 8:30pm.

Paz wishes she was as hot as Donna Simpson and her red panty set. DREAM ON, BITCH!

lol no, but for reals, paz is always walking around with her clothes falling off, this is the perfect match for her !

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"Let them measure my anus and see if it is dilated."
-Father Andrés García Torres, inventor of the Catholic Anus Ruler

Submitted by Hysteria on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 8:27pm.

I suppose it's attention-getting, which advertisers prize.

Most people won't know or care who she is. Just another ho model.
.
.

Submitted by becky n sydney on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 8:26pm.

More info on Titty Clitty Balm (I just HAD to google) - it's called TC Balm by the in-crowd:
http://www.sweetrelease.com/10.cfm?oID=4

Happy Birthday Barry!!

Submitted by kayray on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 8:23pm.

Submitted by bambam on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 9:29pm.
I can do this. I can be a spokesman for that stupid company. I'll wear a sexy white dress shirt with no cuff links and unbuttoned down to my navel.

I step outta my car, I flap my shirt and make circles around mah super sexay nipplez. I'm so hot. I wanna touch mah nipplez right now. I'm touchin' 'em, don't be jellis. It's not easy havin' nipplez like these.
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Courtney Stodden tweets.

Submitted by RustyHooligan on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 8:12pm.

LOL @ Titty Clitty Balm™. It's like an R-rated version of that Tiger Balm farmers use on cracked cow teats. Or you could buy some cheap lotion like KY for your cracked clitty.

Submitted by bambam on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 7:59pm.

I can do this. I can be a spokesman for that stupid company. I'll wear a sexy white dress shirt with no cuff links and unbuttoned down to my navel.

Submitted by Vern on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 7:52pm.

Man, y'all need to get laid. It's just funny.

*chanting as always*

Submitted by johnnysgirl on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 7:28pm.

Well that was......stupid. Truthfully, I've never seen her look as good as she does here, but these commercials are still unbelievably stupid.

Working at a custom corsetry shop has pretty much ruined me for this type of lingerie. I want to like AP, but nothing compares to custom.

Submitted by Puppy Love on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 7:26pm.

I think she's beautiful. Kind of douchey but beautiful.

Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 7:22pm.

She looks like she is squatting down to pee. Not SEXY.
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"I also have felt the nose heat of the man meat."
SFRB, 04/26/11
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http://www.youtube.com/user/beeper246#p/a/u/2/BrO86m4qAEs

Submitted by SarahR. on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 7:21pm.

haha I kind of loved this but it makes me feel high-class and clean in my Old Navy undies

Here's what I am going to do, I am going to read up on how to be a Buddhist, and I am gonna pray to Buddha that he is going to reincarnate me so when I kill myself I can come back and be cool as
fuck like you.

Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 7:21pm.

Submitted by Bunny Rabbit on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 5:54pm.
I had wanted to get a bra and panties from them, but just like you, I've changed my mind. No thank you.

Did they honestly think that this sewer rat is the best representation for a brand whose bras sell for £100+ EACH? Whose idea was this???? My mind is seriously boggled here. Do. not. want. anything she is wearing.

Submitted by ann little on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 6:22pm.

ugghhh, that ugyly flapjack ass with a side of cottage cheese in the last shot. barf. and before you go hatin' i know i'm not much in the looks dept. but i don't go off showing my ass like its the holy grail.