White Oprah Gives Good Interview

When an interview starts with White Oprah turning down a free cocktail right after the host calls her “gorgeous” to her not gorgeous face, you just know it’s going to be a stumbling pedicab crash straight into a wall of lies. And it was.

While wearing a dress from an Australian designer she can’t talk about (because she shoved that dress in her purse at his store when he wasn’t looking), the Mother of Every Year rambled through a variety of ridiculous topics from how she’s starting a talent management company for children to how she’s navigating the waters of negativity one booze cruise at a time.

The talent management company for children is a great idea. That way Child Protective Services doesn’t have to waste time setting up stings to catch shit parents. They just have to confiscate White Oprah’s client roster.

Basically, what I got from this mess of an interview is that White Oprah is a single mom of 4, a terrible person, an NYU Dance major, a despicable human being, a single mom of 4, an awful mother, an NYU Dance major, a desperate heathen, a singe mom of 4, a piece of uncouth trash and an NYU Dance major. Did I mention that she’s a single mom of 4 and an NYU Dance major?

White Oprah only speaks in coke-induced Lohan tongues so what she really means by that is that she’s a foul mom of zero and majored in Delusional Ass Nasty Cunt Evilness at New Yuck University. Me too!

What I’m also getting from this interview is that I never want White Oprah to stop speaking. The trash that comes out of her talk hole is like a Slippery Nipple shot for my soul.

From your ears to God’s lips, White Oprah. Burp!

via ONTD