The Plot Thickens (Like Your Saliva When You Stare At Trace Cyrus Too Long)

Brenda Song's mother, Mai Song, performed an Auntie Lindo-like monologue for Radar last week when she said that she did not raise her daughter to fully give in to the temptations of the Cyrus beast and that gentle neighing that's tickling the hairs in your ears is not coming from any of of her kins' wombs. I believed Mai Song at the time, because a Thai mother never lies. I only say that last part, because my friend's Thai mother once told me that my thigh fat spread too much when I sit down. I was 9. She was right. BUT WAIT! Brenda Song put leather booties on her graffiti skeleton pony and took him for a quick gallop around the mall in Sherman Oaks, CA.

Now, my ass isn't calling Mai Song a total lie maker, but if I distracted Trace Cyrus with a bushel of crab apples and dropped a baby carrot in front of Brenda, "surprise" would not be an emotion I would feel if a half-Asian anime pony galloped out. But then again, it's a well known that fact that when a bitch dresses like Snooki, she looks like she has the build of Snooki too.

Mai Song would never lie to all of our faces...um...laptop screens, so let's just choose to believe her truth. But the minute you see a ball of teeth coming out of Brenda's cooch, book that Flicka fucka on bestiality charges and call it a day.

Splash

Posted by: Michael K

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Submitted by Kandykane on Sat, 09/24/2011 - 7:12am.

Brenda Song might think she's all cool and Hollywood n shit but I know for a fact that she went to school in ... PALMDALE!!!! I thought you'd get a rise outta that MK.

Submitted by big balls on Fri, 09/23/2011 - 6:52pm.

i dont care what u fuckers say.....

this guy is sooo damn hot, it kiiiiiillllllllsssss
me that he is such a poser!!!

ugh....

Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Fri, 09/23/2011 - 11:53am.

Trace is a hillbilly version of Marilyn Manson, minus the talent.

Submitted by LisaRose on Fri, 09/23/2011 - 11:30am.

If he didn't have alll those tattoos, he'd be a complete nerd and probably would be my type! The tats freak me out too much to get a good look.

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Visit my husband's webcomic DUNGEON HORDES at http://www.drunkduck.com/dungeon_hordes
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Submitted by See You Next Tuesday on Fri, 09/23/2011 - 11:19am.

Something about "unusual" looking guys does it for me, so I wanna climb him like a monkey (I'm shorter than she is, lol) and plant my hooha on his face.

"Small and broken..... but still good..... mostly...."

Submitted by sonne on Fri, 09/23/2011 - 5:08am.

LMAO @ The Sunshine Gang! Best use of anunnaki ever, lol. Did not know he was that tall. Wow.

Submitted by The Sunshine Gang on Fri, 09/23/2011 - 4:53am.

Return of the Anunnaki for reals. Holy shit!

Submitted by becky n sydney on Fri, 09/23/2011 - 4:29am.

Submitted by A Noun _is a pe... on Fri, 09/23/2011 - 5:57am.

She's listed in IMDB as being 5'2" - if that's true, then he's close to 7 feet tall. Yipes.

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What's that in hands? :)

A Noun _is a person place or thing_'s picture

Submitted by A Noun _is a pe... on Fri, 09/23/2011 - 4:27am.

She's listed in IMDB as being 5'2" - if that's true, then he's close to 7 feet tall. Yipes.

I wonder what she's trying to hide by dressing deliberately dumpy.

Submitted by A Noun _is a pe... on Fri, 09/23/2011 - 4:26am.

She's listed in IMDB as being 5'2" - if that's true, then he's close to 7 feet tall. Yipes.

I wonder what she's trying to hide by dressing deliberately dumpy.

Submitted by letinstar on Fri, 09/23/2011 - 3:57am.

i ask the question on how the short chick can be preggy? she is a human (i think)and trace is not a human...i just don't want to believe modern science is allowing interspecies to spawn...
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr

Submitted by freshfacestripper on Fri, 09/23/2011 - 3:45am.

Does anyone not have a life like me who goes on you tube to find videos of Dinsney Kids and the Satanic Occult behind them? MONARCH SLAVES? MK ULTRA MIND PROGRAMMING??? See like, Linday Lohan and Britney Spears,Snookitina are under heavy Mind Control Programming designed by Disney! Like,there is so much info on all of this shit! It's really kinda scary. When I see Trace Cyrus after reading all about the Occult Symbolism in Hollywood cant help but wonder wtf Lil Wayne,Birdman,and this whitey have going on? Have you seen Birdmans tattoo on his head? Big ass Red Pentagram?? WTF? these are all satanist!! Lady Gaga,Madonna....all this shit we are seeing in Hollywood is all very satanic and fuck that shit. These people are fucking all crazy,dude!

Submitted by Chris Knight on Fri, 09/23/2011 - 3:20am.

The human menagerie... 2 of them are these ones...

Submitted by Goldigga on Fri, 09/23/2011 - 12:41am.

Submitted by agirl on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 8:33pm.

@Golddigga and Cappy - remember when Benny would grab a girl's boob and it made a honking sound? That shit still makes me laff.
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Yes! *dies* That never gets old!

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"Your mama is going to make George Clooney happier than anybody ever could!" - MK

Submitted by matty516 on Fri, 09/23/2011 - 12:24am.

everytime i see Trace i just feel bad. he is probably very funny in a "everyone and everything in this world is a dumbass and im the only one who can see it and/or understand" kind of way. OR real sheepish and super sweet in a "oh everybody loves that trace" kind of way but DAMN that is an ugly fuck

Submitted by Versailles on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 9:30pm.

I thought she was of normal, albeit a bit short, height? Is he extremely tall?

I love tall men, but in this case not so much.

Submitted by pickles borgata on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 9:14pm.

That chick looks like Snookie.

Submitted by vidz on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 8:35pm.

LMFAO at the Joy Luck Club reference.

I dunno, I think he would be very interesting to photograph. And he seems... nice?

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"I'm so over Sookie and her precious fairy vagina and her unbelievably stupid name! Fuck Sookie!" - Vampire Badass Pamela Swynford De Beaufort.

Submitted by Cara on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 8:16pm.

You'd think he'd attract the Kat Von D type rather than some average mall chick.

Submitted by Chucks on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 7:54pm.

Aww wow looking at this makes me grateful I am fat dumpy. There are way worse ways to be awkwardly shaped!

Submitted by NormPeterson on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 7:42pm.

If that blonde Bieber-like dude from Glee and K.D. Lang wandered off to the stables to make a baby, one would get Trace Cyrus.

She looks like Jessica Simpson's soul sister, in chubby dress syndrome and confusion over tuna.

Submitted by agirl on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 7:03pm.

@Golddigga and Cappy - remember when Benny would grab a girl's boob and it made a honking sound? That shit still makes me laff.

I pay a dollar to see the Brenda and Trace doing it to that music*

(*actually no I wouldn't)

Submitted by kate773 on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 6:51pm.

Goddamn. Gross. I can't stand skinny like that.

Submitted by dirty sancho on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 6:40pm.

Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 5:22pm.

She has her mother's facial features... but they're set in her father's huge round dinner plate face. I guess that balanced out the potential for horseiness.

Oh my god, this gave me such a good belly laugh! Thanks, I needed it!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~"Oh, hell, I have probably the mighty oak of assholes. If you peered into it, you'd probably see the face of a wise old woman who would tell you to follow your heart and dance through the colors of the wind." -MK

Submitted by LA me on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 6:33pm.

Here's a link to watch the X-Files "Home"

http://www.free-tv-video-online.me/player/megavideo.php?id=GRO8V71H

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As we pulled up to the Fontainebleau, a bright-orange Lohan was blocking the entrance. Not accustomed to waiting, apparently, she lowered the car’s window and shouted, "Move that Lohan. I’m Orange Cone." And it was done.

Submitted by P.T.Bull on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 6:23pm.

Speaking of benny hill....

http://youtu.be/JFM9AREN62I

Submitted by P.T.Bull on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 6:20pm.

Wow, that is one short bitch and one beanpole of a dude.

Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 6:15pm.

Submitted by Hello Kitty Ho ... on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 5:58pm.

I tried to Google Baxter Helson, because I wanted to see where Trace inherited the fug

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I got the information at wikipedia.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trace_Cyrus

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“It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him.” J.R.R. Tolkien.
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Submitted by Goldigga on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 6:15pm.

Submitted by caprica six on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 7:38pm.
Holy fking shit! LMAOOO at the Benny Hill song, omg! I remember being little and my parents would watch that and send me and my bros out of the room when Benny groped up a ho! Thx for that. Needed it tonight.
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Haha! No problem :) There's no way you can stay in a bad mood after that...it never fails!

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"Your mama is going to make George Clooney happier than anybody ever could!" - MK

Submitted by Whatever on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 6:11pm.

A short fatty with a tall donkey. They belong in the circus.

Submitted by caprica six on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 6:08pm.

Submitted by Goldigga on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 7:36pm.

This is the oddest picture I've laid eyes on all day...and now I can't stop picturing them having sex. It'd be like a comedy act. I wonder if they do it to the Benny Hill theme song?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JcNhDstL4-k
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Holy fking shit! LMAOOO at the Benny Hill song, omg! I remember being little and my parents would watch that and send me and my bros out of the room when Benny groped up a ho! Thx for that. Needed it tonight.

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Crazy Heart, "Weary Kind", Jeff Bridges - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8monRJzzvU
Dre,Eminem, Skylar - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VA770wpLX-Q&ob=av3e

Submitted by Goldigga on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 6:06pm.

This is the oddest picture I've laid eyes on all day...and now I can't stop picturing them having sex. It'd be like a comedy act. I wonder if they do it to the Benny Hill theme song?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JcNhDstL4-k

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"Your mama is going to make George Clooney happier than anybody ever could!" - MK

Submitted by sushi on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 6:02pm.

It takes a kind heart to fuckc something that ugly.

Submitted by SpottedDogRanch on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 6:00pm.

My avie has less of an equine look than this beast. Hook him to a plow!

*smacks Trace on the ass with the reins*

Get on up there boy! Hiyah, hiyah!!

Submitted by 8cocksacrowing on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 5:38pm.

i agree with others that it's not so much the face, but the onetwo face/tat punch that causes a mental recoil. i don't mind tats however, as i keep reminding the man, beiber has a tat. wait until he fades away then get another, but i'm banking on his skin becoming old man skin and having to be stretched tight with clothes pins in order for a decent picture. we'll see

Submitted by jalynne on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 5:37pm.

Someone needs to call PETA on his parents. Can't do much about his face, but he looks malnourished.

Submitted by chasing windmills on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 5:33pm.

Is he freakishly tall or is she just really short?

Submitted by BlueOrchid on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 5:31pm.

What a fuckin bag of douche.

Submitted by dcgirl on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 5:18pm.

Not enough love or money in the world for me to fug up my family's gene pool like that. I feel for Momma Song.

Submitted by Dion flowerboy on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 5:18pm.

Holy shit. Your Face!

Submitted by becky n sydney on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 5:11pm.

Submitted by mike on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 6:17pm.
Submitted by Hello Kitty Ho ... on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 5:58pm.

I tried to Google Baxter Helson, because I wanted to see where Trace inherited the fug.
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I suspect you might have to turn "Safe Search" off.
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Hahahaha!!!

Submitted by Haribo on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 5:04pm.

So very naive of him to get all those tats. No amount of em can distract from his horsiness.

'We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.'

Submitted by agirl on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 5:02pm.

Submitted by becky n sydney on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 4:31pm.
She goes up on him.

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That made me LOL, literally.

Submitted by agirl on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 5:01pm.

HOLY SHIT LURCH IS FUCKING WEDNESDAY? What would Uncle Fester think?

She is definitely not dressing to accentuate her (ahem) thinness... *side eye*

But why the FUCK is she wearing flats!

Submitted by parkerj on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 4:58pm.

Kill it with Fire!

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"Bye, Whore" -MK

Submitted by Datura on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 4:56pm.

Submitted by jerseygirl17 on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 4:41pm.
Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 4:38pm.
Trace looks like one of the fucked up inbread retards from the "Home" episode of X-Files.
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LMAO he totally does! He looks like the love child of Marilyn Manson & the mom they kept under the bed.
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Ma Peacock! Bahahahaha!

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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb

Submitted by dementa on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 4:48pm.

I don't think that's pregnancy-hiding clothes. For one thing, her pants are see-thru. For another, she's got a belt buckle right over where a baby bump would be.

So if she is knocked up... I dunno...

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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.