JLo Might Be Hitting This

The Insider is saying that JLo has permanently pried herself off of Bradley Cooper’s chin and is now bumping assholes with one of her back-up dancers named Casper Smart. That is baby beards-in-training Ashley Greene and Taylor Swift’s cue to stroll up to B. Coop’s publicist now that there’s a position available.

JLo has been dragging Casper Smart all over the place from Buenos Aires to San Francisco ever since they started boning on each other a couple of weeks ago. A source says that the relationship is labeled as “very casual” and JLo is trying to keep it that way. At 5’8″ and 160 pounds, Casper is a pocket hottie and moved his tiny little legs while dancing in an episode of Glee and in the direct-to-the-discount-bin masterpiece Honey 2. Casper joined JLo’s harem of dancers earlier this year.

There’s probably a thick layer of dried zombie dust stuck to the roof of JLo’s mouth from sucking on Skeletor’s zombie pichula for all those years, so I totally understand that she’s trying to cleanse it with some young dick. But nothing good can come from this. First of all, we all know what happened the last time JLo fucked around with one of her dancers. The bitch married him and I’m sure she’s still cutting him an alimony check.

Second of all, Casper is just a tiny thing. Dude looks like if Duckie from Pretty in Pink stunted his growth by drinking roid milk as a child. How is Casper going to conquer JLo’s double down ass of doom? That’s like watching an apple head chihuahua puppy trying to ass fuck a full grown mastiff. And once Casper does mount JLo’s ass with the help of a climbing harness, some rope and a crampon, he’s only going to get a few humps in before her asshole inhales and he’s never heard from again! Nobody will ever know what happened to Casper until one day JLo farts and out will come one of his CZ studs. End well: this won’t!