Scenes From Occupy Twatlight
Did your coworker in the cubicle next to yours who named one of her 12 cats Edpurr Cullen and who you once caught bidding on a Twilight toilet seat cover call in sick Friday and today? If she did, then the crazy bitch just got caught. Snitch on her! She obviously made her way to the Nokia Theater in L.A. to temporarily move into the Twilight Tent City (aka The Jennifer Aniston Projects) in hopes that some of RPattz's DNA will fall on her tongue as he walks past her on the red carpet at the premiere of Breaking Dawn tonight.
Some of these Twihards have been camping out for the past five days! THE FUCK doesn't even begin to describe. "Oh hi, nana, no I can't make it to your 90th birthday party, because I'll be sleeping on the fucking concrete so that I can see Taylor Lautner in the flesh from 200 yards away. Oh, stop crying, nana..."
If you're in the L.A. area, you better pop open your umbrellas now. In just a few minutes, L.A. is about get a torrential downpour of extra chunky cooch cream that has been brewing inside of hundreds of Twihards for days. Just look at these crazies. Some of these Twihards put on wedding dresses to pose next to a cardboard Edward Cullen, so just imagine what they plan to do when they see the real thing in person. As soon as RPattz's toe touches the red carpet, hymens will break, pussies will explode and a cherries jubilee tsunami will take him out. By the end of the night, he'll look like Carrie at the prom. Well, at least that means hundreds of 30-something Twihards will finally lose their virginity tonight.
• 
Crazy is an understatement here. My god. So people went and took the damn time to think the decorations and wedding dress through at this 'event'. Just fking wow. I officially give the dbl bird to the Four WHoresemen as they are officially fucking around while crazy is officially happening just left and right of us. Just done.
*Edited, as I am leaving out whole dangling participles here, kthxbye.
_____________
Mark 3:22 - "Words and Ideas Can Change The World" - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TiKM6g-dfBo&feature=related. "The powerful play goes on...that YOU may contribute a verse..." - Whitman. THINK FREE.
I hope they enjoy their virgin fantasy...I don't see anything wrong with it.
So pathetic.
I'm a Potterhead myself so i can understand how a grown person can get sucked into this kinda stuff, but potter is well written and can appeal to just about everyone.....this dredge is so uninspired it's disgusting. It's "undying love" theme can only appeal to those with no experience reading quality books or no experience in love and any grown woman that's into them HAS to be the most pathetic person alive!
b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b
Big girls don't care about calories
This is why I will never have children. This right here.
-------------------------------------------------
Don't make me quote Nabokov at you. I'll do it. I promise.
You know...I couldn't embrace celebrity the way these people do. I couldn't be party to this kind of madness. It would make me so ashamed to allow my image to be a focal point mass-neurosis like this. Maybe they really do deserve some kinda prize...but not so much in my world.
♥ Threadkilla!
Lean Like a Chola, Celebrity Stylez: http://youtu.be/0ZwdYeGSVS0
The grown ass women who are obsessed with bullshit need serious psychological therapy. AND a nice hard dick for good fucking.
LOL! She has that same look on her face as whatshername up there in the red!
♥ Threadkilla!
Lean Like a Chola, Celebrity Stylez: http://youtu.be/0ZwdYeGSVS0
Disturbing.
God, these people are pathetic. I can see little 12 year olds getting their panties in a wad, but these are grown!
for some reason, this makes me really sad. there are people out there who are barely scraping by, and then these people are out buying wedding dresses and posing with cardboard cutouts? and for why?
www.hangryhippo.com: Where hunger, anger, media consumption, and satire meet for a snack
This is our future? This is not okay.
Submitted by dementa on Mon, 11/14/2011 - 10:42pm
Oh lawd. That convinces me that the movies aren't true to the book at all so I don't see why these women are screaming over these movies.
As much as I enjoyed the final Harry Potter movie, i was glad I read the books because a lot of information was left out of the movie and they switched some things around.
-----------------------------
He kinda reminds me of Ron Jeremy, but...not as classy! - Submitted by david Letterman
Besides, it's just marriage! Who in the hell takes that shit seriously? - Michael K
As much as I want to throw shade, I really can't. If I had the opportunity to meet my favorite celebrity (whomever it is this week), I'd probably do the same thing.
**********
"I prefer my pieces the same way I prefer my Slim Jims, long, lean and mute" --the incomparable MK
People like to belong to a community yet they also want to think of themselves as the one true blue "Twilight" fan. There's no harm in these people. Fantasy beats reality. This week will be the best week of their entire lives. Sad, but it makes them happy.
_______________________
www.dungeonhordes.com
_______________________
I was at the Twatlight premiere tonight (working, thank you) when Four 40something year old women came running from behind me by the back stage entrance carrying a life size poster of these Twat fools. These bitches were so into seeing these Twats, that they unknowingly hit me 3 times with that fucking billboard. Security finally threw them back with the "little twats" behind the barricade.
Why the fuck would grown women be running around like this??? And by the way...I think it was those bitches in thumb #7. It looks like them.
2012 couldn't come soon enough. Let's hope the Mayans were right...
***************************************
Why some turds evade the whirlpool...god only knows. They are survivors. The fittest.
- Hysteria
Submitted by chocopuffs on Tue, 11/15/2011 - 1:59am.
is anybody watching this?????
http://www.livestream.com/occupynyc
I am. It looks bad.
Hey, turd box, I don't know the television!
is anybody watching this?????
http://www.livestream.com/occupynyc
Some of those fans are rather unfortunate.
Submitted by Migraineuse on Mon, 11/14/2011 - 10:03pm.
So, those who make body shaming comments, I sure hope YOU are perfect in every way.
--------------------------------
Oh get over yourself, you fat homely bitch!
Submitted by Snarf on Mon, 11/14/2011 - 8:06pm.
Nice to see that the fat, homely, and awkward grew up to become......oh dear. Apparetnly, it doesn't get better after all.
---------------------------------
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! :D
Manimal, that comment would be perfect in the Caption This Contest for Today. Go repeat yourself!!!!!!
hahahahahaha
**********************************************
Woke up this morning, got yourself a gun
Submitted by Chapped Ass on Mon, 11/14/2011 - 11:17pm.
Hehe...glad you liked it!
I liked what Charlize Theron said about Kristen Stewart in this article:
http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2011/11/charlize-theron-kristen-st...
I also believe this to be true!
Submitted by Manimal5 on Mon, 11/14/2011 - 11:14pm.
YOU ARE so effing AWESOME, MANIMAL.
That comment made my night.
I'm laughing so hard!
Thank you! I needed that. My ear ache is killin' me and nothing like a good laugh to soothe the pain.
Have a great tomorrow.
I guess there are worse things to spend your time doing...is it just a coincidence that hymen is pronounced the same as Hi men!
Submitted by johnnysgirl on Mon, 11/14/2011 - 11:02pm.
Cellulite is most definitely genetic. I've had cellulite since I was 9 years old! --which started my eating disorder because I tried to starve and exercise it off to no avail.
Sometimes you just gotta say, "Self? I love you, cellulite and all!"
Say goodnight, Gracie.
"Goodnight, Gracie"
Bye. I'm pooped and I have a long day tomorrow. UGH
Submitted by Migraineuse on Mon, 11/14/2011 - 10:03pm.
Submitted by johnnysgirl on Mon, 11/14/2011 - 9:50pm.
Oh my FUCK, thumbnail #3!!!!! How does a person get arms like that?! How do you get cellulite on your underarms?!?!?!
_______________________________________
Hiya. I've got cellulite on my underarms. Not as bad as that, but it's not pretty either. And I lift shit all day. What causes it? Most likely genetics.
I'm all for making fun of peoples' taste and choices, since those are voluntary, but we have surprisingly little control over what we look like. So, those who make body shaming comments, I sure hope YOU are perfect in every way.
--------------------------------------------------
Yeah, you're right - that was cattayyyy.
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Mon, 11/14/2011 - 10:50pm.
Yeah, but, but, but, I don't don a wedding dress or any other costume when I log-in here.
Pss. C'mere, handsome...
Shhhhhhh
(I log-in naked).
i could say that these adults getting this far into the fantasy that is "Twilight" shocks me in how stunted a grown person can be, but... well, ya know... i visit the dlisted comments section pretty regularly, so... yeah, you see where i'm going with this, right?
-----------------------------
"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
Submitted by TequilaTax on Mon, 11/14/2011 - 10:14pm.
I wish I were kidding, but no. That actually happens, and it's 100% serious. Mr Sparkly "Perfection" tries to pimp out his WIFE if the other guy will make her abort her kid, and the only thing that prevents them from doing so is that she conveniently goes into labor right that second.
But don't worry! According to Twitards, Edward is the picture of gentlemanly old-fashioned morals because he wouldn't fuck Bella before marriage!
*********
I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Submitted by unemployed_bum on Mon, 11/14/2011 - 8:54pm.
Wow ,sorry you had to go through that. And ITA on the Mike sexiness. He's older now, but I still would ^_^
----------------------------------------------
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Tue, 06/21/2011 - 6:49pm.
Women make me sick. There I said it.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Tue, 06/21/2011 - 6:53pm.
Have you tried them cooked?
Submitted by NDNchief on Mon, 11/14/2011 - 9:53pm.
"Revenge is sweet and not fattening"
-Alfred Hitchcock-
Submitted by dementa on Mon, 11/14/2011 - 7:53pm.
Submitted by agirl on Mon, 11/14/2011 - 7:44pm.
I wonder if "Breaking Down" will include the fun scene where Edward offers to pimp out Bella's torn-up vagina to Jacob if Jacob somehow forces her to get an abortion. MR PERFECT!
---------------------------------------
Are you kidding me? That part is actually in the book?
-----------------------------
He kinda reminds me of Ron Jeremy, but...not as classy! - Submitted by david Letterman
Besides, it's just marriage! Who in the hell takes that shit seriously? - Michael K
Submitted by Tony Perkis on Mon, 11/14/2011 - 9:30pm.
I don't get why so many people bitch about the "message" of Twilight.
_______________________________________
Speaking for myself, I bitch because:
Everything we do either supports or challenges the status quo. So if I say nothing while some braindead movie romanticizes things I don't agree with, such as male predatory behavior, rape, abusive relationships, misogyny, et cetera, I would actually be supporting a status quo that I despise.
Also, I bitch because I CAN.
*______________________________________*
"If Michelle Duggar's vagina is under God's control, then God has some explaining to do." -- hotpocket
Submitted by Chris Eccleston... on Mon, 11/14/2011 - 7:22pm.
I'm sure those are the only wedding dresses those crazy bitches will ever wear. They should move to South Korea so they can marry their Edward cutouts.
---------------------------------------------------
Hahaha! Good call!
I swear I used to work with the large chick in the white shirt and buzzcut/fauxhawk. Andrea, is that you?
@unemployed_bum
I shit you not I think "Andrea" is a guy! Non? Gurrrl...least that is what I got at first glance. Btw sorry bout your Lions...GO BEARS!!! ;)
********
Someone by the bar keeps looking at us dancing. I see him starring at me, I see what he wants be
********
>:- (
Mr. Mercury ♥
Submitted by johnnysgirl on Mon, 11/14/2011 - 9:50pm.
Oh my FUCK, thumbnail #3!!!!! How does a person get arms like that?! How do you get cellulite on your underarms?!?!?!
_______________________________________
Hiya. I've got cellulite on my underarms. Not as bad as that, but it's not pretty either. And I lift shit all day. What causes it? Most likely genetics.
I'm all for making fun of peoples' taste and choices, since those are voluntary, but we have surprisingly little control over what we look like. So, those who make body shaming comments, I sure hope YOU are perfect in every way.
*______________________________________*
"If Michelle Duggar's vagina is under God's control, then God has some explaining to do." -- hotpocket
Submitted by johnnysgirl on Mon, 11/14/2011 - 9:50pm.
Oh my FUCK, thumbnail #3!!!!! How does a person get arms like that?! How do you get cellulite on your underarms?!?!?! Has she never had to lift anything in her LIFE?
Get over yourself!!!!!!!
*fingers own rippling arm cellulite*
-----------------------------------------
Attention campers, lunch has been cancelled today, due to lack of hustle. Deal with it...
"Revenge is sweet and not fattening"
-Alfred Hitchcock-
Submitted by dementa on Mon, 11/14/2011 - 7:53pm.
Submitted by agirl on Mon, 11/14/2011 - 7:44pm.
A connection to reality?
And lest anyone forget, here's a site that is currently going through the entire series and sparking how awful it is.
http://satireknight.wikispaces.com/
I wonder if "Breaking Down" will include the fun scene where Edward offers to pimp out Bella's torn-up vagina to Jacob if Jacob somehow forces her to get an abortion. MR PERFECT!
----------------------------------------------------------
I'm reading the "novels" through this link. It is making me laugh.
Oh my FUCK, thumbnail #3!!!!! How does a person get arms like that?! How do you get cellulite on your underarms?!?!?! Has she never had to lift anything in her LIFE?
Re: Joel vs. Mike...
I likes 'em both. Team Joel-and-Mike sammich! (tho I definitely want to cuddle with Joel afterwards...)
I'm pretty sure that the 'tween' in the wedding dress (main photo) is 40-something which leads me to believe that I'm correct when I say "ewwwwwwwwww, that's like mommy sitting on santa's lap".
I get the 'tween' angle, but the older bitches into this shit is just sad.
Submitted by Hello Kitty Ho ... on Mon, 11/14/2011 - 8:48pm
Hmmmmmmm....I MIGHT camp out on Black Friday if they had one of those tablets on sale for under $100.
-----------------------------
He kinda reminds me of Ron Jeremy, but...not as classy! - Submitted by david Letterman
Besides, it's just marriage! Who in the hell takes that shit seriously? - Michael K
Submitted by meowsers on Mon, 11/14/2011 - 9:22pm
He is too fucking cute! And he has the same color pattern as my cat Inspector.
-----------------------------
He kinda reminds me of Ron Jeremy, but...not as classy! - Submitted by david Letterman
Besides, it's just marriage! Who in the hell takes that shit seriously? - Michael K
I don't get why so many people bitch about the "message" of Twilight. Teens need to get the action while it's hot! Love never feels as powerful as it does in our teen years, while our hormones are raging out of control. Grow a sense of romance!
-----------------------------------------
Attention campers, lunch has been cancelled today, due to lack of hustle. Deal with it...
Having never read the books nor seen any of the movies (Don't plan on it either), I admit that one of my three cats is named Edward. Why? He looked like an Edward and dammit it fits. Yes, that is Edward Mayhem in my avie.
Sorry, just felt the need to defend all cats named Edward. It's not their fault! :oP
OOOOOOOOH! I was also a member of the MST3K fanclub too. I would buy all kinds of shit with Cro and Tom Servo on it(with my meager allowance). I recently checked out some of the DVD volumes from the library, except I was disappointed that the guys didn't release them in order. One episode it was Mike, 2 more Joel, then back to Mike. I couldn't tell my husband about my crush on Mike because he gets all jelliz about that stuff. It was just an innocent crush because I was like 12 at the time. At that age, the idea of doing "stuff" with a grown man was still uncomfortable. But anyway, Team Mike.
Seriously, this is the reason why people hate Mexicans. All Twilight lovers.
Psst. I'm brown but it feels like it is always the stupid ones who deface the flag on their jeans, tents for Twilight, and airbrushed "Guadalupe cupping Edward's balls" sweatshirts.
Submitted by Migraineuse on Mon, 11/14/2011 - 9:02pm.
Nice siggie! I approve.
I also third Mike and Swarm's idea to have Triumph there. I love that little puppet dog (for me to poop on.) RPatz does nothing for me.
I used to work w/engineers - we ALL watched MST3000. It was funny if you had a reefer buzz, but it's still funny to watch and you can buy the CDs online.
Didn't Joel create the series? I loved Joel and he was definitely high at all times! I really resented Mike at first, but he grew on me after a bit.
agirl, Joel was quite attractive, and I agree that he was in fact high in every single episode.
But Mike's clueless lovableness does it for me. I love sweet but oblivious kinda guys.
*______________________________________*
"If Michelle Duggar's vagina is under God's control, then God has some explaining to do." -- hotpocket
*stands next to hekki*
I have tickets purchased for Friday night.(eat me!)and I loved the books.(fuck off, I like fart jokes, too:)
and Penn State has pissed me off, too, Hekki.
Fucking bastards. I loved Joepa, but he is on my shit-list.
*puts on wedding dress and watches Twilight in the dark....with lube and shit*
*********************
The difficult brown?! I think we're all done here. -MK
Changing the subject -
Since someone brought up MST, who's hotter, Mike or Joel, and was Joel baked in every single show he did?
I am TEAM JOEL AND HE WUZ HIIIIIIIIIGH.
Whaddaya think?